The Curator of Schlock #378 by Jeff Shuster

Terror in a Texas Town

Don’t bring a gun to a harpoon fight. 

I was trying to break out of a prison in the Canadian province of Saskatchewan with Larry, a Don Knotts lookalike. Larry had spent the last ten years tunneling the walls of this place with nothing, but a worn rock hammer to get him through all this concrete. Seems he was sent to prison for killing his wife though Larry protested his innocence. He said a guy with a Strawberry Shortcake tattoo on his right bicep did the deed, but the authorities didn’t buy his story. I told Larry I’d do everything in my power to help him clear his name once we got on the outside and he helped me rescue my kangaroo.

Tonight’s Arrow home video release is 1958’s Terror in a Texas Town from director Joseph Lewis. This one is distributed under the Arrow Films moniker as it’s a bit more high class than their usual fare, but don’t let that scare you. This is an incredible western penned by Dalton Trumbo, one of the Hollywood 10 that was blacklisted. Also, the star of the movie, Sterling Hayden had also been investigated by the House Committee on Un-American Activities.

So there’s this evil land baron named McNeil (Sebastian Cabot) who wants to buy up all of the land surrounding Prairie City. The trouble is the land is owned by a group of salt-of-the-earth farmers who don’t want to sell. Enter Johnny Crale (Nedrick Young), an evil gunslinger working for McNeil. Any farmer that doesn’t sign his land over gets a gut full of lead. One such unfortunate farmer is a Swedish immigrant named Sven Hansen.

You see, Sven and neighbor, Jose Mirada (Victor Milan), discovered oil on both their properties and figure that’s the reason behind McNeil pressuring everyone to sell. Jose and his son even witness the murder of Sven at the hands of Johnny Crale, but Jose’s wife tells him to keep silent as she’s expecting a baby and wants the baby to born in peace.

Anyway, it turns out old Sven had a son named George (Sterling Hayden, naturally), a whaler by profession who has decided to settle down on his father’s estate. George shows up to town, asking questions about how his father died and how to get to his father’s estate. The town sheriff tells him that things in America aren’t like they are in Sweden. You can’t just expect to come over here and inherit your father’s land, but George isn’t buying any of that. George says that his father’s will filed away up in Austin and that he plans to get a lawyer.

The sheriff then tells McNeil about this Swede that’s been asking too many questions. McNeil offers George three hundred dollars for his land that really belongs to McNeil anyway due a contract that George’s dad had signed with him. George is suspicious of McNeill and refuses to deal with him. I have to say, Sebastian Cabot plays a perfect ass and one can’t wait to see him get what’s coming to him. And if you want to see the bad guy getting speared with a harpoon then this is the movie for you.

Photo by Leslie Salas

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, and episode 496) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

The Curator of Schlock #377 by Jeff Shuster

Ronin

More like this, please!

I had lost all hope of escaping Mooseville, a small town in the Canadian province of Saskatchewan when a gentleman resembling Don Knotts broke into my prison cell decrying, “This isn’t the way out.”

“Hey, can you get me out of here and help me rescue my pet kangaroo and get my truck back?” I asked. He dug into his ear and blew the wax off his pinky.

“Okay, but I’ll need a favor in return. Follow me,” he said before crawling back into the hole in the wall. “By the way, the name’s Larry.”

“I’m Thomas, but my friends call me Big Tom,” I said knowing those words were a lie. — To be continued.

This week’s Arrow Home Video release is 1998’s Ronin from director John Frankenheimer. As I’ve said before, Arrow is known as “the Criterion of Shit,” but they don’t just put out what the mainstream would consider schlock. Here we have a classic John Frankenheimer film with a stellar cast and impressive stunt work. The screenplay was co-written by David Mamet. Come on.

If we go back to the 1990s, there was a resurgence in the espionage genre starting with the return of James Bond in Goldeneye. So we got a bevy of these types of movies, but the best of them was Ronin. The movie begins with a bunch of shady individuals meeting at a Paris bar. First among them is Sam Regazolli (Robert De Niro). We don’t know much about him, but from the constant prodding of the characters, we get the idea that he’s an ex-CIA agent turned mercenary.

An Irish woman named Deirdre (Natascha McElhone) has the group moved to a warehouse where she can discuss the plan her organization wants them to undertake. We don’t know the name of her organization, but I think the IRA would be a good guess. The plan is to steal a suitcase. What’s in the suitcase is anyone’s guess because Deirdre won’t tell them. I suppose it’s a weapon of some kind, but all we know is that the Russians want it and are willing to pay top dollar for it. The group has to intercept it before the exchange takes place.

It’s dawning on me that writing about a perfect movie is difficult and Ronin is as close to perfect as movies come. This is like a Mission Impossible movie, but in reverse, with a team made up of criminals, some of whom are downright villainous. They’re not all bad though. Jean Reno plays Vincent, a French marksman that befriends Sam. And Sam will need friends when the group is double crossed. Expect some excellent car chase scenes, explosions, gunplay, the works. Stellan Skarsgård, Sean Bean, and Jonathan Price round out the cast.

I don’t want to give any more 23-year-old spoilers as you should go into this movie with fresh eyes. The Arrow Blu-ray has some excellent special features such as an audio commentary with director John Frankenheimer and an episode of Cinefile detailing the career of Robert De Niro with interviews with Quentin Tarantino. Arrow also remastered this movie in 4K so this is the best the movie has ever looked on home video. Check it out!

Photo by Leslie Salas.

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, and episode 496) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.