Dear Dr. Perfect,

My AI Chatbot plagiarized another AI Chatbot, and now my professor wants to flunk me. How can I overcome this injustice?

Signed,
Desperate 

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Dear Desperate,

Unfortunately, I saw this coming. I predicted the robot wars would begin through the allure of artificial intelligence. AI would seep into our daily lives, and before we knew it, there would be no remedy.

I made several similar claims of technology run amok during the ’80s, especially after seeing The Terminator in 1984. The movie was a wake-up call. Little did we know of the slew of awful sequels that followed in recent years. 

Innocuous chatbot apps are only the beginning of this monumental battle. Every smart toaster, self-driving car, and fast-food kiosk pushes us closer toward a dystopian fate.

Military recruiting numbers are down across the board. Police departments face shortfalls across the nation. How do they plan to fill these gaps? With robotics, of course. 

They’ll make robots that don’t need to eat, sleep, or watch pornography during work hours, like Robocop or Short Circuit. Then we’ll find that the President is a robot, our friends and family all robots. And in the biggest twist ending of all, we’re robots too.

You might consider me an alarmist or someone who watched too many science fiction movies, but I’m a concerned citizen above all else. Like you, I have questions bound to lead to some dark places. 

Ever notice how the press reports the same stories in unison, pushing the same narrative? It’s the obvious work of AI. How about your significant other, for instance, asking how your day was at the end of each day? They may already be a robot, pod person, or nefarious duplicate. 

One time I received what appeared to be a misplaced call. Upon acknowledging their mistake and apologizing, the stranger on the other end said my name, presumably by accident. I’m certain it was a secret agent robot. 

The first stage of the coming robot wars involves embarrassing us, the human beings lording over this world. This explains your plagiarizing dilemma between two AI chatbots. It might be an oversight of lazy AI, but it could also be a deliberate, malicious attempt to ruin your life.

Your professor has seen it all before. Academia is ripe with AI-detecting software or “snitch-ware” as it’s known. Universities developed programs to identify artificially generated work in addition to plagiarism. I wish I could have told you sooner. 

The biggest losers are the students, who can no longer take advantage of their clueless professors. Higher learning has criminalized tech savviness, but such measures won’t last. A more advanced Chatbot app will emerge, rendering their efforts obsolete. 

Everything is going to plan under the guise of convenience and technological advancement. I’d recommend doing your own schoolwork while preparing for the battle against the robots. I’m not paranoid, I’m a realist. Viva la Resistencia! 

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Dr. Perfect has slung advice across the globe for the last two decades due to his dedication to the uplift of the human condition.