Dear Dr. Perfect,

Should I become a snob?

Mind you, I don’t want to be pretentious. I just feel like I’m becoming allergic to popular taste. 

My generation feels fuzzy nostalgia for the mediocrities of Ghostbusters and Back to the Future.

Maybe it’s Oscar season, with Hollywood bending over backwards to give itself Olympic medals for occasionally trying to make something good. 

And then non-industry people vent what movies they think are worthy of a golden statuette, as if this might have anything to do with why people make or watch movies.

A good movie opens and then adheres to the soul, which obviates the show pony pageantry of the Oscars.

Music is worse. I drive down the road to the radio and a Bon Jovi song comes on, so I switch the channel to the other rock station, which is playing a different, even worse Bon Jovi song. There is no classical station where I live. I am considering creating a pirate radio station to play nothing but my Shostakovich LPs.

Is it just me, or is the world’s taste too awful to share?

Doubtfully,

The Reluctant Snob

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Dear snob,

You are pretentious but not wrong. I believe legendary actor James Mason once said, “There is no shortage of brilliance in the world if you can see it.” I can’t confirm those were his words exactly, but it sounds like something he’d say. Maybe it was Abe Lincoln.

Since I’m in a quotable mood, Shakespeare once wrote, “To thine own self be true.” This was from his play Hamlet, adapted into a 1990 film, starring Mel Gibson and Glenn Close. All other versions be damned. 

Context aside, Shakespeare was clearly speaking of embracing one’s interests. If your preferences reside outside the mindless multiplex of popular culture, so be it. You’re not alone.

I can’t walk into a video store without being inundated with the latest formulaic Hollywood claptrap, grating my nerves. Nowadays, I can’t even walk into a video store at all, and that’s the problem. Oversaturated streaming services have reduced the arts into a hollow snippet of bloated franchises, repulsive reboots, underwhelming duds, and preachy mediocrities.

And you thought you were pretentious. I won’t watch anything not shot on 35MM film!

Yes, making movies is hard, but watching bad movies is even harder. Admittedly, bad movies can possess an enjoyable charm, especially from the gloriously cheesy 1980s. However, the questionable quality of most “bad” films from bygone eras was a matter of limited budgets and resources. Studios today spend upwards of $200 million on movies that suck. And we’re supposed to be okay with this.

I’m no movie critic. I just know what I like. It matters not whether your favorite movie won an Oscar or a Golden Raspberry. In the end, you connected with something. Storytelling, above all, should honor this fundamental. The universal truth of a good story makes it timeless, not the budget or slick ability to cash in on a known franchise. 

It’s time Hollywood woke up and smelled the roses. Someone has to say it. 

Being a snob commonly suggests superiority in one’s opinions or outlook and looking down at others. Its 18th-century origins were actually rooted in describing those who aspired to higher social standing, otherwise known as phonies.

There were plenty of snobs in Shakespeare’s time, long before the word became fashionably suitable in social circles today.

Theater critics were merciless back then. In between lengthy diatribes against gout and other diseases they suffered from, they lamented the length of Shakespeare’s plays, his diction, repetitiveness, indulgence, heavy-handedness, and shoddy production values. 

They accused his plays of being derivative and freely stealing from his contemporary Christopher Marlowe. Some people even wondered if Shakespeare existed at all.

In an age where people question Earth’s circumference and the moon landing, that’s no surprise. Shakespeare proved his naysayers wrong. His very name angers agents of mediocrity today. 

You don’t have to be Shakespeare or his critics. Find a balance between enjoying what you like while ridiculing the trash antithetical to it. Edgar Allan Poe was one of the literary world’s most notorious snobs, and he certainly made a name for himself.

The Academy Awards wrapped up last week. No one was slapped this time. Out of the twenty or so movies nominated for Best Picture, I maybe saw two of them. (It’s hard to go to the theater with this ankle monitor. I’m kidding, they didn’t mandate one this time.) Plus, I like to watch movies in the comfort of my home with a fine cigar and brandy to accompany me as I ridicule the screen.

It was a big night for Oppenheimer. Christopher Nolan’s Nuclear Age historical drama blew away the competition, leaving Barbie, among others, in a smoldering pile of melted plastic. Nolan is a good filmmaker, but his works lack personal connection. He’s no Russ Meyer or Melvin Van Peebles.

I managed to see the Japanese magnum opus Godzilla Minus One, and it might just be my pick of the year. If only Raymond Burr was alive today to see it. From one snob to another, check it out.

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Dr. Perfect has slung advice across the globe for the last two decades due to his dedication to the uplift of the human condition.