I have a friend who I feel has resented me for years. The who-needs-enemies-when-you-have-friends-like-that type.

Everything finally came to a tipping point, and I confronted her. Every pent-up thing I had been feeling went in a long text. 

She was insulted, offended, and betrayed that I would dare recommend she examine her tendencies as a friend. She has forced me to do so time and time again. She said I made her feel bad and that her trust in me as a friend was misplaced. She felt like I had been fake toward her for the majority of our friendship even though that wasn’t the case.

I now realize there are fewer self-centered behaviors I am willing to tolerate as I grow older.

Is it worth it to clear the air and tell her what I really meant? Should I have a real heart-to-heart? Do I give examples?

Incidentally, we have a mutual friend who I am very close with. I don’t want to force her to pick sides and am not sure what to do and how to proceed.

Do I just cut this loss and move on, or is it worth it to stand my ground and make my values clear? I guess I’m wondering what a mature adult would do.

Signed,

A Tired Friend

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Dear TF,

It’s simple.

Your friend hates you—or maybe you hate your friend. I sense a lot of animosity under the surface, but fear not. As my mother used to say during our family’s multiple moves throughout the Pacific Northwest, you’ll make new and better friends. Now please mix me that martini.

A legion of scholars could dedicate their careers to unraveling the intricacies of your plight to no avail. A congressional committee could spend countless hours blathering about the matter only to reach no conclusion or purpose—just like in real life.

You don’t always have to get along, like Lt. Dan and Forrest Gump, but there should be an underlying bond, like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. If your friendship isn’t reflected in a classic Hollywood film, you’re just not doing it right. Watch the long-forgotten ’90s thriller The Fan, starring Wesley Snipes and Robert De Niro. Then ask yourself which character you relate to more.

Sling Blade was a good movie.

Movies are so much better than friends.

See an acupuncturist. You’ll feel better in no time. Which reminds me, I have an appointment.

Gotta go! 

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Dr. Perfect has slung advice across the globe for the last two decades due to his dedication to the uplift of the human condition.