Dear Dr. Perfect,

Why do I get a nosebleed every time “You Might Think” by the Cars comes on the radio?

I just want to watch my movie and eat dinner. Is that too much to ask? This is not going to work. 

Signed,

Bloodied More Often Than You’d Think

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Dear Bloodied,

I get indigestion every time I hear Wang Chung’s “Dance Hall Days.” I’ve long sought the gastro-auditory connection.

Fifty separate concertgoers claimed spontaneous, involuntary muscle movement and blurred vision during an encore of “Start Me Up” for the Rolling Stones Hot Grandpa Tour last year. Look it up.

A friend of mine suffered from a rare disorder where she uncontrollably tap-danced during certain songs: “Enter Sandman,” “Oops I Did it Again,” “Ave Maria.” It didn’t matter if she was in her apartment, at the office, or in line at the bank. Last I saw her, she was wearing earplugs.

Okay. Turn off the radio, lock the doors, and stay away from streaming sites. You never know when the Cars will pop up.

Most classic rock stations play the Cars once or twice at any given hour. Listeners are inundated with a nauseating line-up of “hits” from their self-titled ’78 album that includes “Good Times Roll,” “Just What I Needed,” and “My Best Friend’s Girl.”

“You Might Think” is an unassuming, upbeat song, cheerfully encompassing three minutes of ’80s new wave pop. It’s an unlikely contender for physical ailments. Your killer often comes with a smile. That was a line from Goodfellas or its sequel, Casino.

Let’s examine the lyrics:

You might think I’m foolish
Or maybe it’s untrue
You might think I’m crazy
All I want is you

You might think it’s foolish
What you put me through
You might think I’m crazy
All I want is you

Shit. Is your nose bleeding? Sorry. I thought this might help.

Dr. Perfect has slung advice across the globe for the last two decades due to his dedication to the uplift of the human condition.