The Perfect Life 32: Morbid Covidity

The Perfect Life 32 by Dr. Perfect

Morbid Covidity

Dear Dr. Perfect,

When this whole China Virus thing started in flu season, I didn’t believe a word of it. Of course folks got sick. I spent the first 6 months denying COVID publicly on facebook and I found that most people felt how I did. Except those damn liberals, but I ain’t friends with many of them anyhow. Well, sometime I started to change my mind. Got the vaccine and everything. But I’m so afraid to admit it to my friends and family that it’s messin’ with my life!

I’m vaxxed, god dammit! I wanna go on vacation and to concerts but I have to pretend I’m not allowed, or I’ll never hear the end of it.

The Vaxidental Tourist


Dear Vaxidental Tourist,

I can understand the hesitancy to seem vaccinated. You ventured outside the irrational skepticism and outright denial of your friends and family to join the rest of us somewhat healthier sheep.

We’re nearing our third year of the pandemic, and I feel your frustration. I just want to know when I can get Broadway tickets for Beetlejuice.

The easiest solution to your ironic plight is to convince your social circle that the vaccines have contaminated the drinking water. After the initial panic and inadvertent suicides that follow, tell them that they need to get “inoculated” against the harmful antibodies before their hearts explode. Secretly sign them up for the shot, guide them through the process, and voilà, everyone’s vaxxed.

TYou’ll see an eventual acceptance among your astute circle as they wave their “anti-vaxxed” cards. Then you can all freely participate in society with a newfound air of superiority.

Or just get drunk and tell them the truth.

Or just go to Vegas.

Dr. Perfect has slung advice across the globe for the last two decades due to his dedication to the uplift of the human condition.

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