Dear Dr. Perfect,

My husband and I just welcomed our first-born daughter into the world. We are overjoyed. Even though caring for a newborn is extremely challenging, we’ve been doing great as a team, especially because he has ceased his freelance work to help.

Recently though, my husband has shown a desire to get back to it, worrying about finances. I assured him that we’re perfectly comfortable and will be for at least a few more months, but he insists that more economic security is necessary. I’m worried this might cause a rift and worse, be bad for our daughter. What do you think is right?

Exhausted,

New Mother

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Dear New Mother,

My sincerest congratulations! Starting a new family isn’t easy. The hours are joyously long, and the stressful demands are over-joyously endless.

New parents often fret about expenses since income is seldom endless. But humans have been having kids and raising families for thousands of years, so it can’t be that hard. You don’t have to be rich. You don’t even have to be smart. Some of the biggest morons in the world have children.

Most Americans are one small disaster away from bankruptcy. If your husband plans to wait until he must in order to stabilize your income, it may be too late. I once had to list the bathroom to a Denny’s as my permanent address on a résumé. That began my short, but successful career as a political strategist. Ah, Alaska.

If your husband’s not avoiding responsibilities, what’s the harm? It’s not like he’s having an affair. His intentions are good. 

Are his intentions good?

You may be right. Keep a closer eye on your husband. Take note of his comings and goings. If necessary, hire a private detective. (Pay the detective with your husband’s freelance earnings.) It might be nothing, but better to clear the air.

Perhaps your husband’s freelance job is remote, work-from-home kind of stuff. In that case, you have little to be concerned about… for now. It all comes down to what’s best for your daughter. Does she need him around that much? How many diapers does he change? How often does he wake up in the middle of the night to attend to her needs? Does he hold her enough, and if he so, how much? There are some great new apps to log such information crucial to marital harmony.

I knew a couple who endured a year of sleepless nights after their child’s birth. The husband wore earplugs at night. Earplugs! The same husband once took their baby to an REO Speedwagon concert—and he didn’t give the baby earplugs! The poor infant heard everything.

Whenever I dispense parental advice, I’m often asked if I have any children. To be as perfect as I am for 15 syndicated years requires extensive insight into the human condition. So no—no I do not.

But for the record, someone currently claiming I am a father is attending Vancouver Institute of Technology in British Columbia. We correspond frequently. Well, our lawyers do. The whole thing is rather civil.

The most important thing is that you trust, love, and understand one another.

I wouldn’t accuse your husband of being a heel. He’s definitely not one to sell his newborn daughter on the black market.

Well.

Keep a watchful eye on both him and the baby. 

I’m not sure what she’s capable of yet.

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Dr. Perfect has slung advice across the globe for the last two decades due to his dedication to the uplift of the human condition.