The broccoli-headed boy was about to dial out on his cellular phone, no doubt calling the cops because Edwige, my kangaroo companion from my misadventures in North America, trashed his Subaru Outback.

Before he could dial the first digit, a shuriken split his iPhone in two.

That flying star came from the Revenging Manta, the ninja vigilante of downtown Orlando. Before I knew it, he had leaped behind the teen, Vulcan-pinching his neck. Brocolli-head slumped to the pavement. He was out cold. — To be continued. 

Tonight’s movie is 1987’s Rolling Vengeance from director Steven Hillard Stern. As you know, we are big fans of the vigilante movie here at the Museum of Schlock. Unfortunately, it’s not a genre known for fresh ideas. Street gang murders wife/family. Husband/father seeks revenge against the scum of the streets by shooting them dead.

Rolling Vengeance does something different. Instead of using a Wildey Magnum, our vigilante uses a monster truck to do away with the bad guys.

Why didn’t Paul Kersey think of this?

Our villains of this motion picture are the Doyle family, a  bunch of drunken hillbillies that terrorize the roads of a small town out in the heartland. The patriarch of this clan is Tiny Doyle (Ned Beatty), a sleazy proprietor of the local dive bar/strip club. He runs afoul of the local mothers against drunk drivers organization. They blame him and his club for churning out drunks that terrorize the community. He shoos them off saying it’s private property and that he’s not responsible.

We’re then introduced to some truckers. You have Big Joe Rosso (Joey Rosso) and his son, Joey (Don Michael Paul). Joey doesn’t like the Doyles, but Big Joe tells him that they work for him so suck it up. I guess Big Joe changes his tune when the Doyle boys run his wife and two small children into an oncoming truck, causing them to roll off the road and crash and die. Cut to funeral. I’m sorry, but I knew the wife and kids were done for as soon as I saw them.

Big Joe and Joey go to court, but the judge sides with the Doyle family, saying that the Doyles weren’t responsible for the crash. Can I just say that I hate the Doyles? They’re disgusting and have weird names like Vic, Moon Man, Finger, and Hairlip. Who names their child Hairlip? I guess Tiny figured the boy was done for anyway so you might as well name him what the other kids are going to call him anyway. My name is Hairllip so you got nothing.

Joey has been busy building a monster truck for the local monster truck show, but why not roll vengeance over the Doyle clan instead. He flattens every car in Tiny Doyle’s used car lot.

For revenge, the Doyles chase down Big Joe and run his truck off the road, causing him to crash. Big Joe is in a comatose state and will never drive a truck again, but that’s okay. Joey will unleash some street justice on these evil hillbillies. And Joey’s monster truck has a big old drill and spews flames, and you don’t want to be on the receiving end of this nightmare.

Paul Kersey, eat your heart out.

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, episode 575, episode 596, episode 597, episode 598, episode 599, episode 642, episode 643, episode 644, and episode 645) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.