The Revenging Manta threw a shuriken at the assassin speeding away on the red Ducati, but it was no use. Banana-Man was killed just as he was about to spill the beans on the Goose Lord’s big plans. I was thinking if only we had a vehicle to chase after that assassin when I saw car keys shimmering in the sunlight next to the tatters of the Banana-Man’s costume. I pressed the lock key a few times so I could hear his car honk. When it did, I saw a silver Nissan Axxess come to momentary life, a yellow plastic banana fastened to its roof. 

Tonight’s movie is 1986’s Deadly Friend from director Wes Craven. This is one I used to catch on TNT’s MonsterVision with host Joe Bob Briggs back in the day. The trouble with watching movies this way is that commercial television brutally lops off all the precious gore. Thankfully, I have the Blu-ray now and can enjoy all those grisly pixels in high definition.

Yes, I’m talking about the basketball scene. 

Paul Conway (Matthew Laborteaux) is a high school nerdlinger and boy genius. He and his mom, Jeannie, have moved to a new house and a new town. Oh, but there’s one more member of this family, a robot that Paul created named BB. This robot is cute if by cute you mean the exact opposite of cute. He gargles nonsensical gibberish and will grab you by the you-know-what if you piss him off. Paul and BB befriend Tom, the local paperboy, when BB defends him from a bunch of roving hooligans.

There’s also a beautiful girl next door named Samantha (Kristy Swanson) who takes a shine to our young scientist, but all is not well in the neighborhood. Samantha has a drunk dad named Harrison who likes to slap her around for disobedience whether she’s disobeyed him or not. And then there’s Elvira Parker, a nasty old battleaxe who won’t think twice about anyone that trespasses on her property. And if you’re unfortunate enough to be playing a game of basketball and your ball lands on her property, it’s her ball now.

While trick or treating one Halloween, Paul and the gang decide to pull a prank on Elvira that goes terribly wrong. Elvira blows BB to pieces. Paul’s creation is ruined, but Paul still has Samantha. Unfortunately, her father knocks her down the stairs, sending her to the hospital where she ends up on life support. They’ll pull the plug, but Paul and Tom quickly retrieve Samatha’s body from the morgue. Paul has the bright idea of using BB’s microchip to repair her brain and bring her back to life. Samantha comes back to life, but she’s not quite herself.

Seems that Paul has created his own Frankenstein monster, the mind of a robot inside the body of a teenage girl. It’s not long before the bodies start piling up. Samantha snaps the neck of her dad and shoves his carcass into the furnace. And when Samantha gives Elvira her comeuppance, it’s in the form of a basketball shattering her head. I don’t quite have the logistics of that figured out. Wouldn’t a bowling ball make more sense? And somehow I don’t feel sorry for these people. The neighborhood is better off without them. This makes the re-animated Samantha a superhero in my book. Until next time. 

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, episode 575, episode 596, episode 597, episode 598, episode 599, episode 642, episode 643, episode 644, episode 645, and episode 670) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.