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The Drunken Odyssey

~ A Podcast About the Writing Life

The Drunken Odyssey

Category Archives: Horror

The Curator of Schlock #403: Bloody New Year

06 Friday Jan 2023

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Film, Horror, The Curator of Schlock

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The Curator of Schlock #403 by Jeff Shuster

Bloody New Year

Not so happy. 

After wading through ten miles of disgusting sewer water, the Revenging Manta and I opened a manhole to the surface. I was anxious to see the secret hideout of the ninja vigilante of downtown Orlando. I was in dire need of a shower with all the crap and blood stuck to me. I followed the ninja to an old apartment building where we climbed the fire escape. The Revenging Manta opened a window on the fourth floor and we climbed through.

I knocked over a fern on the way in.

“Where’s the secret hideout?” I asked, wondering why we had just waded through miles of rancid water. 

“This is my apartment,” he said, setting his sword down on a coffee table. “I don’t have a secret hideout.” — To be continued.

_______

Happy New Year! So long, 2022. Don’t let the door hit you on your way out. This week’s movie is 1987’s Bloody New Year from director Norman J. Warren. The movie begins in 1959 with a New Year’s Eve bash at the Grand Island Hotel. No, this movie does not take place in Grand Island, New York or Grand Island, Nebraska, but on a mysterious island called Grand island. One of the guests from the New Year’s dance walks into the dance hall to find it completely empty. While cleaning herself up in a mirror, a hand reaches through the mirror and pulls her into the mirror.

That should be a spooky scene, but the movie cuts to modern times so quickly that you don’t really have time to register what happened. We’re introduced to some vacationing British tourists enjoying a seaside amusement park. Some malcontents are terrorizing an American tourist named Carol (Catherine Roman) on a spinning teacups ride. Our British tourists come to the rescue, shutting down the ride and fighting the hooligans off to rescue the girl from her spinning nightmare.

One of the Brits, a guy named Tom (Julian Ronnie), removes the battery from the ride. The owner of the ride and the malcontents chase him through the park to get it back. Pandemonium ensues as our British tourists try to escape the park. Tom and his friend, Rick (Mark Powley), hide in the funhouse, but the hooligans follow them inside. They’re rescued when their friend Lesley (Suzy Aitchison), crashes her car through the funhouse with a boat in tow. The kids escape the park and head out toward the sea in an effort to flee their pursuers.

That should have been the movie: young British tourists causing mayhem in an amusement park. Instead, our group of vacationers gets in the boat only to get shipwrecked when the boat crashes into some coral. They swim to the closest shore which happens to be Grand Island. And this island is haunted. They make their way to the hotel and weird shenanigans ensue like a bannister that comes to life and bites your arm or tables that come to life and try to suck you into them.

Eh. This one was kind of a chore to get through. Also, the majority of the movie takes place in July so there’s not really a New Year’s theme going on here. And there’s not much blood as it’s a British production from the Video Nasty era. So it’s not really a Bloody New Year after all.

_______

Photo by Leslie Salas.

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, and episode 549) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

The Curator of Schlock #402: Don’t Open Till Christmas

30 Friday Dec 2022

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Christmas, Film, Horror, The Curator of Schlock

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Caroline Munro, Don't Open Till Christmas

The Curator of Schlock #402 by Jeff Shuster

Don’t Open Till [sic] Christmas

Don’t Open Until Christmas

There I was, wading through crapwaters of the Orlando sewer system.  The sewer water went up to my knees and then to my waist and then to my chest. I was on my way to the secret hideout of the Revenging Manta, the famous ninja vigilante. He led the way, waves of rancid water crashing against him as he made great strides toward our destination. Eventually, we came to a ladder that went straight up to a manhole. 

“You first,” he said. — To be continued.

_______

This week’s movie is 1984’s Don’t Open Till Christmas from director Edmund Perdum. This entry in a long line of Christmas slasher movies has a twist: the victims are your run-of-the-mill department store Santas. Yeah, it would seem that some creeper has a vendetta against jolly St. Nick. Who wants to murder Kris Kringle? Honestly, all the guy does is give you free presents once a year and you don’t have to declare them come tax season. I guess the director was going for something different this time around, trading horny teenagers for middle-aged, sad-sack Santas.

The movie begins with a guy dressed as Santa getting hot and heavy with his girlfriend in the backseat of his car. Then, naturally, we get the point of view of a heavy-breather stalker. The guy and his girlfriend get stabbed to death by the killer. We’re then treated to a nasty credit sequence with a distorted take on Jingle Bells playing in the background as we watch a wax Santa Claus melt into goo. Was there an audience for this sort of thing? Were people fed up with Christmas back in 1984?

Our next scene takes place at a costume party where a Santa Claus is about to perform some gags for an adult audience. Unfortunately, he gets speared through the head by one of the guests dressed up like a shrunken head. His daughter, Kate Brisk (Belinda Mayne), cradles her dad’s body while her boyfriend, Cliff (Gerry Sundquist), goes after the killer only to find an abandoned costume. It’s up to the New Scotland Yard to solve the case.

What happened to the old Scotland Yard?

Naturally, this new Scotland Yard is just as baffled by these Christmas slayings as the old Scotland Yard would be. A Chief Inspector Harris (Edmund Purdom) is on the case. A couple of police officers go undercover as Santas at a local carnival in an effort to lure the killer out of hiding. It works a little too well as the killer emerges to slaughter them both. Too bad.

One of the sadder killings in this movie is when a sweet, middle-aged man visits a peep show booth. He’s shy and awkward and doesn’t know how to talk to the girl. He lives at home with his mother and a mall Santa job was the best he could do. And then he gets slayed by the Santa serial killer right in front of the stripper. Question: why murder a guy right in front of a witness and then leave the scene? You know she’s going straight to the cops.

What else? The glamorous Caroline Munro (of Starcrash fame) stars as herself in this movie and even sings. Makes me wonder if she had a music career and made top of the pops. You can catch Don’t Open Till Christmas streaming for free on Tubi.

Maybe don’t pay money for this one.

Photo by Leslie Salas

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, and episode 549) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

The Curator of Schlock #401: Christmas Evil

23 Friday Dec 2022

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Christmas, Horror, The Curator of Schlock

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The Curator of Schlock #401 by Jeff Shuster

Christmas Evil

Do you want to feel more depressed during the holidays?

The Revenging Manta, the ninja vigilante of downtown Orlando, and I drove to his secret hideout. And his secret hideout was in the sewer. This is not the first place I would pick for a secret hideout with the rats and the feces floating about down there, but he insisted that it was something special. He handed me a flashlight and down the manhole I went. — To be continued.

_______

Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas from your humble curator. This week’s movie is 1980’s Christmas Evil from director Lewis Jackson.


This movie also went under the title of Terror in Toyland and You Better Watch Out. Christmas Evil got caught up in the Video Nasty hysteria plaguing Great Britain in the 1980s. Now you can treat yourself to this yuletide horror for free on Tubi. Times change.

Our movie begins with a young boy named Harry having witnessed Santa Claus making sexual advances on his mother. He smashes a snow globe and slits his palm.

Fast forward thirty or so years and Harry (Brandon Maggart) is now a grown man who recently got an upper management position at a toy factory. Harry’s a schlub. The toys that the factory produces are cheap plastic crap. Everyone stands before an assembly line attaching riders to bikes, rifles to toy soldiers, etc. Harry was happier making toys on the floor than sitting in his fancy office.

Harry lives like a neighborhood spy, keeping tabs on all of the neighborhood children, seeing who’s naughty or nice. One boy takes out the trash on a regular basis so his name goes on the nice list. Another boy is obsessed with dirty magazines so he ends up on the naughty list. Harry doesn’t get along with his younger brother who thinks he’s a weirdo. We in the audience also think he’s a weirdo. After becoming mesmerized by Santa Claus at the Thanksgiving Day Parade, Harry becomes obsessed with becoming Santa Claus.

On Christmas Eve, Harry superglues a white beard to his face and dons a fur-lined red Santa suit. He drives around town in a white van with Santa’s reindeer painted on the side. He delivers presents to his brother Frank’s house and drops some more gifts off at a children’s hospital. And then he waits outside a church, waiting for the Midnight Mass to let out. A rich jerk saunters over to him. The rich jerk makes fun of Harry and his van so Harry gouges his eye out with the bayonet of a toy soldier and then proceeds to hatchet the rest of them with an axe. Then Harry speeds away in his van before the crowd of churchgoers can properly react.

It would seem that director John Waters does a commentary on the DVD as he’s a huge fan. He considers it the greatest Christmas movie ever made. I found the film depressing. What’s most depressing is how chintzy Christmas feels in this movie. It’s all cheap toys, tacky decorations, fake beards, and no Christmas cheer. No wonder Harry has a psychotic break.

People can be awful around the holidays.

_______

Photo by Leslie Salas.

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, and episode 549) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

The Curator of Schlock #400: To All a Goodnight

16 Friday Dec 2022

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Film, Horror, The Curator of Schlock

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David Hess, To All a Goodnight

The Curator of Schlock #400 by Jeff Shuster

To All a Goodnight

David Hess returns to the Museum of Schlock.

The Revenging Manta (the ninja vigilante of downtown Orlando) was fishing around the corpse of Gary, the recently deceased corpse of a a fentanyl dealer disguised as a pizza delivery man. Manta found keys and we headed to Gary’s green Volvo. 

“Are we off to your secret hideout?” I asked as I plucked one of Gary’s teeth out of my hair. “I could really use a shower.”

— To be continued.

_______

Happy Holidays from your humble Curator of Schlock. This week’s movie is the 1980 Christmas classic To All a Goodnight from director David Hess.

Wait.

What?

The David Hess? Star of such movies as The Last House on the Left and Hitch-Hike? Indeed. Plus, he must have directed this the same year he starred in The House on the Edge of the Park. Busy man. 

Our movie begins with a fatal sorority prank. A bevy of college girls chase a frightened student of the Calvin Finishing School for Girls. Some are decked out as Santa Claus wielding axes. They chase the young student up to the balcony where she loses her footing. I wonder if a relative of the deceased girl will seek revenge in a couple of years. Wasn’t this the plot of Prom Night? Both came out in 1980. I suppose the screenwriters were plugged into the collective unconscious at the same time.

Did finishing schools still exist in 1980? I thought those went out in the 1960s, but maybe they still existed for the upper crust. After all, one of the main plot points of this movie revolves around a group of randy mean girls inviting some trust fund guys to a party at their sorority house. I think some of these young women are hoping to bag a millionaire. All except for Nancy (Jennifer Runyon), who’s pure and innocent.

Nancy will be the final girl, in case you couldn’t figure that out. 

So the girls are stuck at the sorority house during Christmas break, but that’s okay. They’ve got housemother Mrs. Jensen there to cook them beef stew and cherry pie. But not all is well at this school. Seems that there’s a killer roaming the grounds dressed as Santa Claus, stalking his next victim. You get some creative kills here. One involves a guy getting strung up with a wire garrote. I don’t know. I’m barely feeling the Christmas theme here. Maybe he could have ornamented a Christmas tree with body parts from his victims.

Come to think of it, there aren’t a whole lot of Christmas decorations at this school. No festive lights, no wreaths. We finally see a Christmas tree about two thirds of the way through. I wonder if the producers decided to make this a Christmas themed slasher about halfway through the production.

It doesn’t help that this is taking place in a sunny climate. Hey, I live in Florida, but when I think of Christmas, I think northward. Only an idiot would set a Christmas movie in Florida. 

And where is David Hess? He directed this movie, but didn’t star? Imagine this same premise, a bunch of spoiled brats living it up at Christmas time and David Hess shows up in Santa suit ready to party, but then turns violent when the rich pricks decide to ridicule him. Pain and humiliation gets heaped upon the sons and daughters of the wealthy. That movie writes itself.

To All a Goodnight is that kind of movie–one that makes you imagine better schlock that could have been.

You’ll yawn ’til dawn.

_______

Photo by Leslie Salas

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, and episode 549) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

Comics Are Trying to Break Your Heart #196: Damned If You Don’t

05 Saturday Nov 2022

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Comic Books, Comics Are Trying to Break Your Heart, Horror

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Comics Are Trying to Break Your Heart #196 by Drew Barth

Damned If You Don’t

Although the spooky season will soon close, ghosts and demons flow through the pages of comics—even the ones that Fredric Wertham thought would jump out and murder children—a proudly ignominious tradition. Today, we have a new spookier series releasing in Damn Them All by Si Spurrier, Charlie Adlard, Sofie Dodgson, Shayne Hannah Cui, and Jim Campbell.

I enjoy a good Spurrier comic, whether that be Six-Gun Gorilla, Coda, or Godshaper, a new series from him and the artists he collaborates with is always a treat. Damn Them All is a deep-dive into the demonic: what it means to summon them, the costs of doing so, and the people who make it happen. The people who make it happen, namely Ellie Hawthorne and her uncle, the late Alfie Hawthorne, have the strongest occult connections and know that summoning a demon is something that can’t be done or taken lightly. But then it does happen lightly. At Alfie’s funeral a kid pulls a demon out to kill a rival gangster—no summoning magic, no spells, not sacrifices, nothing at all. For the most part, everything normal in the summoning world is no longer relevant. If you have a sigil and a grudge, you can summon something horrifying to mutilate your enemies. And that means something is very wrong.

Most interesting in this first issue of Damn Them All is how Adlard’s art plays with perspective and time. The first few pages gives us our background—Ellie and her uncle and the process by which magic can be done. We’re given the entire sequence through Ellie’s eyes and have these brilliant white spaces where narration, quite literally, fills in the gaps. These spaces break the page up in an interesting way where they’re just large enough to feel like borders, but not so large that they compete with the panels of art between them. They provide a rhythm, as if we’re in the middle of a montage, and gets us used to some of the more fun tricks the creative team plays throughout the issue. We have the rhythm of the montage, the white panels and thoughts, leading us always toward a splash page reveal or action of some kind. Like a conductor’s baton, the structure of the pages keeps the story beats in time.

Damn Them All is the kind of spooky comic I never know that I’m waiting for, then the book materializes and shocks me with how much further I wish to dive to find all of the demonic things clawing at the edge of the page. Damn Them All #1 showcases Spurrier, Adlard, Dodgson, Cui, and Campbell as masters of the craft of introductions—we see a little, but we want more.

Get excited. Get possessed.

_______

Drew Barth at Miami Book Fair in 2019.

Drew Barth (Episode 331, 485, & 510) resides in Winter Park, FL. He received his MFA from the University of Central Florida.

Episode 548: TDO vs. The Curator of Schlock #13

29 Saturday Oct 2022

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Episode, Film, Horror

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Episode 548 of The Drunken Odyssey, your favorite podcast about creative writing and literature is available on Apple podcasts, stitcher, spotify, or click here to stream (right click to download, if that’s your thing).

Photo by Leslie Salas

On this week’s show, Jeff Shuster and I discuss the 1993 horror anthology film, Body Bags.

TEXTS DISCUSSED

NOTES

Scribophile, the online writing group for serious writers


TDO listeners can get 20% of a premium subscription to Scribophile. After using the above link to register for a basic account, go here while still logged in to upgrade the account with the discount.


If you are an amazon customer, one way to support this show is to begin shopping with this affiliate link, so that the podcast is granted a small commission on anything you purchase at no additional cost to yourself.

_______

Episode 548 of The Drunken Odyssey, your favorite podcast about creative writing and literature is available on Apple podcasts, stitcher, spotify, or click here to stream (right click to download, if that’s your thing).

Episode 547: TDO vs. The Curator of Schlock #12

22 Saturday Oct 2022

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Episode, Film, Horror

≈ Leave a comment

Episode 547 of The Drunken Odyssey, your favorite podcast about creative writing and literature is available on Apple podcasts, stitcher, spotify, or click here to stream (right click to download, if that’s your thing).

Photo by Leslie Salas.

On this week’s show, Jeff Shuster and I discuss the 1992 Peter Jackson masterpiece of a family drama, Dead Alive.

NOTES

Scribophile, the online writing group for serious writers


TDO listeners can get 20% of a premium subscription to Scribophile. After using the above link to register for a basic account, go here while still logged in to upgrade the account with the discount.


If you are an amazon customer, one way to support this show is to begin shopping with this affiliate link, so that the podcast is granted a small commission on anything you purchase at no additional cost to yourself.

_______

Episode 547 of The Drunken Odyssey, your favorite podcast about creative writing and literature is available on Apple podcasts, stitcher, spotify, or click here to stream (right click to download, if that’s your thing).

Comics Are Trying to Break Your Heart #195: Legendary Status

19 Wednesday Oct 2022

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Comic Books, Comics Are Trying to Break Your Heart, Horror, manga

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Comics Are Trying to Break Your Heart #195 by Drew Barth

Legendary Status

The Spook season isn’t just for the ghosts, goblins, and skeletons we’re all used to seeing stalk the streets on Halloween night, it’s for the legends that accompany them. Much of the aesthetic we associate with spooks comes from the folklore and legends of Europe that formed our superstitions and folk beliefs. In that same vein lies a work of legends from an even more legendary creator: Shigeru Mizuki. While Mizuki’s Kitaro series is his most well-known work, it is his adaptation of Kunio Yanagita and Kizen Sasaki’s Tono Monogatari that gives life to Japan’s oldest legends. 

A collection of folklore and tales from central Japan, the Tono Monogatari is considered by many to be an equivalent to Grimm’s Fairy Tales in its content. But what’s created by Mizuki isn’t simply a graphic adaptation of Yanagita and Sasaki’s words—this is the kind of work that fits right into Mizuki’s considerable canon on its own. Resplendent with spirits, yokai, mountain creatures, and superstition, Mizuki goes beyond adaptation and inserts himself into these tales, acting as a guide as he walks through the Tono region as these stories are told to or experienced by him. And these can be stories that center on the various spirits that portend disaster and good luck or simply exist to explain why a certain noise is made during a light rain in the area. It gives a more intimate perspective on stories that have been told for hundreds of years, but Mizuki’s style makes them feel new again. 

While Mizuki himself has written about yokai and Japanese history extensively, and having the two come together in his adaptation of Tono Monogatari really helps to introduce readers to the kind of mangaka he was. There is a dedication to the craft in every page—the blending of his animated characters with the almost photo realistic backgrounds immerses the eye into the world of these stories to the point that you feel almost almost disappointed when you have to look away and see your normal hands among the world. These are the stories that Mizuki grew up with and he pours himself into them only as someone who has been reading and studying them for decades can. With him walking along the same paths as Yanagita and Sasaki had done more than a century ago, we feel less like we’re reading his work, but more like we’re walking with Mizuki as he tells us the stories of Tono.

While stories from Tono Monogatari and Grimm’s Fairy Tales act as compendiums for folklore and legends of the past, it’s these kinds of adaptations that make them feel more alive than any film with the budget of a small country’s GDP. Mizuki is the kind of mangaka that is able to seamlessly blend himself into the world of the story in a way that makes perfect sense and, as a result, helps modern readers feel a closer connection to these centuries old stories.

Get excited. Get legendary.

_______

Drew Barth at Miami Book Fair in 2019.

Drew Barth (Episode 331, 485, & 510) resides in Winter Park, FL. He received his MFA from the University of Central Florida.

Episode 546: TDO vs. The Curator of Schlock #11

16 Sunday Oct 2022

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Episode, Film, Horror

≈ Leave a comment

Episode 546 of The Drunken Odyssey, your favorite podcast about creative writing and literature is available on Apple podcasts, stitcher, spotify, or click here to stream (right click to download, if that’s your thing).

Photo by Leslie Salas

On this week’s show, Jeff Shuster and I discuss the strange 1991 masterpiece from France that is Delicatessen.

TEXT DISCUSSED

NOTES

Scribophile, the online writing group for serious writers


TDO listeners can get 20% of a premium subscription to Scribophile. After using the above link to register for a basic account, go here while still logged in to upgrade the account with the discount.

If you are an amazon customer, one way to support this show is to begin shopping with this affiliate link, so that the podcast is granted a small commission on anything you purchase at no additional cost to yourself.

_______

Episode 546 of The Drunken Odyssey, your favorite podcast about creative writing and literature is available on Apple podcasts, stitcher, spotify, or click here to stream (right click to download, if that’s your thing).

Comics Are Trying to Break Your Heart #194: Creep Along

13 Thursday Oct 2022

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Comic Books, Comics Are Trying to Break Your Heart, Horror

≈ Leave a comment

Comics Are Trying to Break Your Heart #194 by Drew Barth

Creep Along

I hate the comics code. You hate the comics code. We all hate the comics code. Beside the general sanitization of comics in the 50s and Fredric Wertham clutching his pearls so hard his face turned purple, the code caused the cancellation of some of the most innovative comics of the century. Books like Tales from the Crypt, Vault of Horror, and The Haunt of Fear were wiped from the comics market as the Comics Code Authority came down like a guillotine on anything more gruesome than a bird eating a worm. But that’s where Warren Publishing’s Creepy stepped in to dodge around the CCA.

Originally published in 1964, Creepy was one of the books that would side-step the censorship of the comics code by changing its formatting. No longer a comic book, the comic magazine didn’t need to carry the Comics Code Authority stamp of approval. Because of this and its black-and-white print pages, it was allowed to return to the horror of EC Comics (with many of the EC creators along) and publish a wide variety of horror comics in that same Tales from the Crypt vein. While the original life of the magazine ended in the mid-80s (and its short-live relaunch also ending in 2016), the publication of its archives via Dark Horse has unlocked a trove of some of the best horror to grace the medium with names like Archie Goodwin, Joe Orlando, Al Williamson, Frank Frazetta, and Alex Toth conjuring up iconic creeps.

More than anything, a tome like the Creepy Archives helps to preserve some of the best parts of comics history—defiance in the face of McCarthyism and the moral panic against anything that may tempt the youth of America from, I don’t know, Perry Como? But it’s this kind of preservation that also gives us a look at the classic comic horror that prevailed for so long in the US. While Tales from the Crypt was the more iconic, magazines like Creepy and Eerie were carrying the torch and provided a pivotal place for horror comics to really develop a look and feel that would remain consistent and is still being emulated today in more contemporary horror anthologies—albeit with more gore than would have been allowed even outside of the CCA then. These archival works just show how much comic history is really out there and how much is largely ignored to make room for more cape stories.

Creepy, and Warren Publishing, really did show what horror anthologies could do in the era of the comics code. While they weren’t under threat from the code, they were still skirting by with their own brand of horror comics with iconic talent bolstering their pages to a near legendary status. It’s a marvel that we can still flip through Frazetta’s “Werewolf” before he switched away from sequential work or Archie Goodwin’s creepiest scripts as though we were picking them up for the first time in the 60s. It’s one of the reasons much of this archival work is so important. 

Get excited. Get Creepy. 

_______

Drew Barth at Miami Book Fair in 2019.

Drew Barth (Episode 331, 485, & 510) resides in Winter Park, FL. He received his MFA from the University of Central Florida.

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