The Curator of Schlock #379: A Taste of Blood

26 Friday Nov 2021

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Horror, The Curator of Schlock

The Curator of Schlock #379 by Jeff Shuster

A Taste of Blood

Stick with Uncle Herschel’s Favorite instead.

So my new BFF Larry and I were trying to break out of a prison in the Canadian province of Saskatchewan. The two of us were hugging the outside wall, planning to scale it using a rope made up of used pairs of prison underwear. And I’m talking about used Fruit OF The Looms with questionable stains! Larry tied it to some iron bars outside a prison window. “You first?” Larry asked.

Happy Thanksgiving! It’s normally around this time of year I share a cannibalism movie with all of you, but it would seem my humble collection of Arrow Blu-rays does not contain such fare. However, I do have another Herschell Gordon Lewis classic in the form of 1967’s A Taste for Blood to share with you. I guess it’s blood consumption rather than flesh consumption, but that’s close enough.

By the way, the sub-head up at the top is in reference to a breakfast entree at Cracker Barrel restaurants. You get two eggs any way you want, grits, a choice of breakfast meat (usually in the form of ham, chicken tenderloin, hamburger steak, or catfish), and fried apples or hash brown casserole. Why am I wasting time talking about a breakfast entree? Well, my time was wasted watching another Herschell Gordon Lewis movie so there.

The Arrow Blu-ray gives you the option of watching this Blu-ray with an introduction from the director himself. He says that most budget horror movies of the period had to be at a minimum of 80 minutes run time and that most directors stopped there, but not him. A Taste for Blood clocks in at nearly two hours. You know what was 80 minutes? Terror in a Texas Town. I liked that movie!

What’s the plot? A man named John Stone (Bill Rogers) gets a letter of inheritance in the mail along with two bottles of brandy. The gist of it is his Romanian ancestor owned a lot of property in London and John must drink a toast to his ancestor with the brandy provided to inherit. And then John gradually exhibits some strange behavior like shying away from crosses and sucking the blood out of go-go dancers. And it turns out his ancestor is the one and only Count Dracula.

John sets about murdering the descendants of those who defeated Dracula back in the day. He murders a wealthy oil heiress who is a descendant of Quincy Morris. All of his victims have to die in the same way Dracula did, with a wooden stake through the heart. This attracts the attention of Dr. Howard Helsing (Otto Schlessinger), descendant of Abraham Van Helsing. And of course, no one believes him when he suggests that John Stone is a vampire and blah, blah, blah.

I’m sorry, but mid-1960s Miami, FL ain’t that scary. This is not the setting you use for your gothic horror movie. Also, I need to complain about the score or rather the three tracks the director licensed from the BBC Radiophonic Workshop that he insists on having played over and over again in every single scene! Still, those of you looking to get into Herschell Gordon Lewis, but are wary of the splatter in his films, there isn’t so much splatter in this movie. Happy Thanksgiving! I think I’ll watch Ronin again.

Photo by Leslie Salas

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, and episode 496) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

The Curator of Schlock #378: Terror in a Texas Town

19 Friday Nov 2021

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Film, The Curator of Schlock

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The Curator of Schlock #378 by Jeff Shuster

Terror in a Texas Town

Don’t bring a gun to a harpoon fight.

I was trying to break out of a prison in the Canadian province of Saskatchewan with Larry, a Don Knotts lookalike. Larry had spent the last ten years tunneling the walls of this place with nothing, but a worn rock hammer to get him through all this concrete. Seems he was sent to prison for killing his wife though Larry protested his innocence. He said a guy with a Strawberry Shortcake tattoo on his right bicep did the deed, but the authorities didn’t buy his story. I told Larry I’d do everything in my power to help him clear his name once we got on the outside and he helped me rescue my kangaroo.

Tonight’s Arrow home video release is 1958’s Terror in a Texas Town from director Joseph Lewis. This one is distributed under the Arrow Films moniker as it’s a bit more high class than their usual fare, but don’t let that scare you. This is an incredible western penned by Dalton Trumbo, one of the Hollywood 10 that was blacklisted. Also, the star of the movie, Sterling Hayden had also been investigated by the House Committee on Un-American Activities.

So there’s this evil land baron named McNeil (Sebastian Cabot) who wants to buy up all of the land surrounding Prairie City. The trouble is the land is owned by a group of salt-of-the-earth farmers who don’t want to sell. Enter Johnny Crale (Nedrick Young), an evil gunslinger working for McNeil. Any farmer that doesn’t sign his land over gets a gut full of lead. One such unfortunate farmer is a Swedish immigrant named Sven Hansen.

You see, Sven and neighbor, Jose Mirada (Victor Milan), discovered oil on both their properties and figure that’s the reason behind McNeil pressuring everyone to sell. Jose and his son even witness the murder of Sven at the hands of Johnny Crale, but Jose’s wife tells him to keep silent as she’s expecting a baby and wants the baby to born in peace.

Anyway, it turns out old Sven had a son named George (Sterling Hayden, naturally), a whaler by profession who has decided to settle down on his father’s estate. George shows up to town, asking questions about how his father died and how to get to his father’s estate. The town sheriff tells him that things in America aren’t like they are in Sweden. You can’t just expect to come over here and inherit your father’s land, but George isn’t buying any of that. George says that his father’s will filed away up in Austin and that he plans to get a lawyer.

The sheriff then tells McNeil about this Swede that’s been asking too many questions. McNeil offers George three hundred dollars for his land that really belongs to McNeil anyway due a contract that George’s dad had signed with him. George is suspicious of McNeill and refuses to deal with him. I have to say, Sebastian Cabot plays a perfect ass and one can’t wait to see him get what’s coming to him. And if you want to see the bad guy getting speared with a harpoon then this is the movie for you.

Photo by Leslie Salas

The Curator of Schlock #377: Ronin

12 Friday Nov 2021

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The Curator of Schlock #377 by Jeff Shuster

Ronin

More like this, please!

I had lost all hope of escaping Mooseville, a small town in the Canadian province of Saskatchewan when a gentleman resembling Don Knotts broke into my prison cell decrying, “This isn’t the way out.”

“Hey, can you get me out of here and help me rescue my pet kangaroo and get my truck back?” I asked. He dug into his ear and blew the wax off his pinky.

“Okay, but I’ll need a favor in return. Follow me,” he said before crawling back into the hole in the wall. “By the way, the name’s Larry.”

“I’m Thomas, but my friends call me Big Tom,” I said knowing those words were a lie. — To be continued.

This week’s Arrow Home Video release is 1998’s Ronin from director John Frankenheimer. As I’ve said before, Arrow is known as “the Criterion of Shit,” but they don’t just put out what the mainstream would consider schlock. Here we have a classic John Frankenheimer film with a stellar cast and impressive stunt work. The screenplay was co-written by David Mamet. Come on.

If we go back to the 1990s, there was a resurgence in the espionage genre starting with the return of James Bond in Goldeneye. So we got a bevy of these types of movies, but the best of them was Ronin. The movie begins with a bunch of shady individuals meeting at a Paris bar. First among them is Sam Regazolli (Robert De Niro). We don’t know much about him, but from the constant prodding of the characters, we get the idea that he’s an ex-CIA agent turned mercenary.

An Irish woman named Deirdre (Natascha McElhone) has the group moved to a warehouse where she can discuss the plan her organization wants them to undertake. We don’t know the name of her organization, but I think the IRA would be a good guess. The plan is to steal a suitcase. What’s in the suitcase is anyone’s guess because Deirdre won’t tell them. I suppose it’s a weapon of some kind, but all we know is that the Russians want it and are willing to pay top dollar for it. The group has to intercept it before the exchange takes place.

It’s dawning on me that writing about a perfect movie is difficult and Ronin is as close to perfect as movies come. This is like a Mission Impossible movie, but in reverse, with a team made up of criminals, some of whom are downright villainous. They’re not all bad though. Jean Reno plays Vincent, a French marksman that befriends Sam. And Sam will need friends when the group is double crossed. Expect some excellent car chase scenes, explosions, gunplay, the works. Stellan Skarsgård, Sean Bean, and Jonathan Price round out the cast.

I don’t want to give any more 23-year-old spoilers as you should go into this movie with fresh eyes. The Arrow Blu-ray has some excellent special features such as an audio commentary with director John Frankenheimer and an episode of Cinefile detailing the career of Robert De Niro with interviews with Quentin Tarantino. Arrow also remastered this movie in 4K so this is the best the movie has ever looked on home video. Check it out!

Photo by Leslie Salas.

The Curator of Schlock #376: House II: The Second Story

05 Friday Nov 2021

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Episode, Horror, The Curator of Schlock

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The Curator of Schlock #376 by Jeff Shuster

House II: The Second Story

Sequel in name only.

There I was, stuck in a prison cell in the town of Mooseville in the Canadian province of Saskatchewan. I figured some sort of trial awaited me for the crime of being a tad late with some factory equipment for the town’s canning factory. I had almost given into despair when one of the larger bricks in the wall started to shift and slide out. It hit the floor with a loud thud and out poked the head of a man that bore a striking resemblance to Don Knotts. “This isn’t the way out,” he said. — To be continued.

Tonight’s Arrow Home Video release is 1987’s House II: The Second Story. This movie has absolutely nothing to do with the original. You do get a John Ratzenberger cameo in this movie just as you got a George Wendt cameo in the first movie. I suppose that’s a Cheers connection. And if you’re asking me what Cheers is, it was a very popular sitcom back in the 1980s and perhaps you should get off the TikTok and learn something for a change.

House II: The Second Story is an odd duck of a movie. You’ve got mummified cowboys, cavemen, Aztec warriors. a pterodactyl baby, a dinosaur dog, a crystal skull, and Bill Maher. I don’t know if the screenwriter was high on goofballs or Checkers milkshakes, but you’re in for a wild ride if you partake in this cinematic catastrophe.

The movie is about a young yuppie named Jesse McLaughlin (Arye Gross) who moves into his old family estate with his girlfriend Kate (Lar Park Lincoln). Jesse’s wild and crazy friend, Charlie (Jonathan Stark), shows up shortly after with his girlfriend, Lana (Amy Yasbeck). You see, Lana is a singer hoping for her big break and Kate just happens to work for a record producer played by none other than Bill Maher. I can’t say any of this music related crap has any great bearing on the plot, but whatever. You get to see Bill Maher in an early acting role.

So Jesse starts researching his family history, discovering the story of his great, great grandfather (also named Jesse McLaughlin) and his arch enemy, Slim Reeser. Seems the two of them found an ancient crystal skull back in the old west, a crystal skull that could give whoever possessed it eternal life. Jesse and Charlie figure the skull must be worth a fortune.

The two of them go ahead and dig up his great, great grandfather’s grave. Jesse finds the crystal skull, clutched in the hands of the corpse, Jesse reaches for it, but is surprised when the corpse springs to life and starts choking him. It’s all a bit of a misunderstanding because after the corpse realizes Jesse is his descendent, out come the beers and stories about the pioneering days of the old west.

Unfortunately, the crystal skull has the ability to open up portals to other times and dimensions. The crystal skull gets passed from a cave man to a pterodactyl to aztec priests. This movie is a bit far out there and may serve as evidence as to why one doesn’t write screenplays under the influence of wacky tobaccy. Still, I wasn’t bored once.

Photo by Leslie Salas

Episode 496: TDO vs. The Curator of Schlock #9

30 Saturday Oct 2021

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Episode, Film, Horror, The Curator of Schlock

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Tags

Beavis and Butthead, Blade Runner, Eihi Shiina, Escape from New York, Ichi the Killer, John Carpenter's The Thing, Oscar Wilde, Robocop, Russ Meyer, Scanners, Shakespearean Comedy, Streets of Fire, The Trials of Oscar Wilde, Tokyo Gore Police, Yoshihiro Nishimura

Episode 496 of The Drunken Odyssey, your favorite podcast about creative writing and literature is available on Apple podcasts, stitcher, spotify, or click here to stream (right click to download, if that’s your thing).

Photo by Leslie Salas.

On this week’s show, Jeff Shuster and I discuss the sensitive contribution to cinema that is Tokyo Gore Police.

TEXTS DISCUSSED

NOTES

TDO listeners can get 20% of a premium subscription to Scribophile. After using the above link to register for a basic account, go here while still logged in to upgrade the account with the discount.

Check out my literary adventure novel, Guy Psycho and the Ziggurat of Shame.

The Curator of Schlock #375: House

29 Friday Oct 2021

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Horror, The Curator of Schlock

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The Curator of Schlock #375 by Jeff Shuster

House

William Katt for the win!

As I was saying, Edwige and I were being held captive by an angry mob in a small village in the province of Saskatchewan. I blacked out after having been zapped by a cattle prod. I woke up in a solitary cell. A tray of chicken Kiev slipped through the slot at the bottom of the door. I asked for some Taster’s Choice coffee, but got no answer.

Then I wept.

I hope Edwige is okay.

This week’s Arrow home video release is 1986’s House from director Steve Miner. He also directed Friday the 13th Part 2 and Friday the 13th Part III, but don’t worry, this is not one of those despicable slasher movies. I wouldn’t be caught dead reviewing one of those.

I run a clean blog here.

House is one part haunted house movie and one part Vietnam War movie.

The movie is about a famous horror writer named Roger Cobb (William Katt). He’s basically a Stephen King type of writer with legions of fans who follow him around to book signings. Much to his agent’s and readers’ chagrin, Cobb has decided to write a memoir about his experiences in the Vietnam War. His agent warns Roger that he’d better have a draft written by the end of the month if he wants to keep his advance.

Roger seeks solitude in the suburban home of his deceased Aunt Elizabeth (Susan French). Her body was found dangling from a noose in her second floor bedroom. Roger has a bad history with this house. His own son went missing on the property awhile back and was never found. Roger and his wife divorced due to the strain.

Roger is keen to get working on his memoir when his next door neighbor, Harold (George Wendt), starts bugging him to have a beer. Roger insists that he needs solitude.

We get to see glimpses of Roger’s memoir through his Vietnam flashbacks. One of his comrades was Big Ben (Richard Mall), a blowhard Roger couldn’t stand. However, when Big Ben got shot up by the Viet Cong, Roger couldn’t bring himself to finish him off. Roger vowed to get Big Ben medical attention, but Roger hadn’t gone far before the Viet Cong had discovered Big Ben, dragging him off to be tortured.

Did I mention there are creepy ghosts in this movie? There’s the thing that lives in the closet of his aunt’s bedroom. There’s the ghost that looks like a bloated, demented version of his ex-wife. Tools from the lawn shed float in mid air and try to slice and dice Roger. He babbles on about all this to Harold who thinks he’s crackers.

Roger buys a ton of video and camera equipment hoping to record one of these specters, but there’s much more at play here. Seems the house is keeping his son captive in some sort of dark dimension related to Roger’s Vietnam experience. That’s all I can say on the subject. Check this one out, readers.

Photo by Leslie Salas

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, & episode 495) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

Episode 495: TDO vs. The Curator of Schlock #8

23 Saturday Oct 2021

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Episode, Film, Horror, The Curator of Schlock

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Episode 495 of The Drunken Odyssey, your favorite podcast about creative writing and literature is available on Apple podcasts, stitcher, spotify, or click here to stream (right click to download, if that’s your thing).

Photo by Leslie Salas

On this week’s show, Jeff Shuster and I discuss a delightfully gory horror musical from the director of four Saw movies.

TEXTS DISCUSSED

NOTES

TDO listeners can get 20% of a premium subscription to Scribophile. After using the above link to register for a basic account, go here while still logged in to upgrade the account with the discount.

Check out my literary adventure novel, Guy Psycho and the Ziggurat of Shame.

The Curator of Schlock #374: Brain Damage

15 Friday Oct 2021

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Episode, Horror, The Curator of Schlock

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The Curator of Schlock #374 by Jeff Shuster.

Brain Damage

This is peak schlock.

So I was being dragged out of my truck by a crazed mob in the town of Mooseville in the province of Saskatchewan. I guess they were a little angry over my being a few months late with a delivery that would have saved their town. Before I knew it, a ball gag was being stuffed in my mouth and my ears started ringing due to all the shouting. A malcontent with a pot belly and a hairy back stuck a cattle prof in my side and I was out cold. — To be continued.

This week’s Arrow Home Video release is 1988’s Brain Damage from director Frank Henenlotter. According to Wikipedia, this movie is about a young man becoming host to a “long, phallic parasite.” Yes, that is what this movie is about, but it is so much more. For instance, this particular parasite eats brains—human brains! Imagine that you’re going about your day and a long, phallic parasite launches himself to your forehead and sucks your brain out! Yikes. Not the way I’d want to go.

Our movie revolves around a young man named Brian (Rick Hearst) who’s a bit under the weather. When Brian wakes up from a troubled sleep, he feels something wriggling around his body. Finally, the parasite introduces himself. We learn his name is Alymer (voiced by John Zacherie) and he makes a proposal to Brian: he’ll make Brian’s life a wondrous experience if Brian takes him out for nightly strolls. Brian agrees. Alymar attaches himself to the back of Brian’s head, shoots some blue juice all over Brian’s brain, and Brian is high as a kite.

Seriously, Brian goes to a junkyard and starts seeing funky colors dancing off of all the stacked automobiles. He’s so entertained that he doesn’t really notice Alymer sucking the brains out of the nighttime security guard. Brian’s brother, Mike, and girlfriend, Barbara, notice that Brian is acting strange. When Brian takes Barbara out for a fancy dinner, he sees spaghetti and brainballs on his plate.

After Brian goes to a club in a brain-juice-induced super, he gets hot and heavy with one of the dancers. The two of them go to the back alley where she promptly gets her brains sucked out by the parasite. Brian gets confronted by his neighbor, Morris (Theo Barnes), about feeding Alymer human brains. Morris was the previous host of Alymer and only fed him animal brains. Morris tells Brian that Alymer has been passed from host to host for centuries. It doesn’t end well for the hosts.

Brian confronts Alymer and wants a separation. Alymer tells Brian that he won’t be able to survive the withdrawal from the brain juice. During Brian’s withdrawal, Alymer mocks him and even sings to him as Brian pukes all over the bathroom floor.

Unable to deal with the pain any longer, Brian allows the parasite to join with him again. This won’t work out for Brian or any that get in his way, but you’ll want to stick around for the explosive finale.

I know. I know. You would never watch a movie about a parasite that eats people. You say this as you wait in line to buy your ticket for Venom: Let There Be Carnage.

Photo by Leslie Salas.

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, and episode 492) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

Episode 492: TDO vs. The Curator of Schlock #6

09 Saturday Oct 2021

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Episode, Film, Horror, The Curator of Schlock

≈ 2 Comments

Episode 492 of The Drunken Odyssey, your favorite podcast about creative writing and literature is available on Apple podcasts, stitcher, spotify, or click here to stream (right click to download, if that’s your thing).

Photo by Leslie Salas.

On this week’s show, Jeff Shuster and I discuss an quietly beautiful independent movie from 2005 called The Devil’s Rejects. Jeff & I get off track a lot.

TEXTS DISCUSSED

NOTES

TDO listeners can get 20% of a premium subscription to Scribophile. After using the above link to register for a basic account, go here while still logged in to upgrade the account with the discount.
Check out Jeff’s column, The Curator of Schlock.
Check out my literary adventure novel, Guy Psycho and the Ziggurat of Shame.

Episode 491 of The Drunken Odyssey, your favorite podcast about creative writing and literature is available on Apple podcasts, stitcher, spotify, or click here to stream (right click to download, if that’s your thing).

The Curator of Schlock #373: Vamp

08 Friday Oct 2021

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Comedy, Film, Horror, The Curator of Schlock

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The Curator of Schlock #373 by Jeff Shuster

Vamp

Grace Jones plays a vampire stripper. If that doesn’t sell you, what will?

Back to the story of how Edwige, my kangaroo traveling companion, and I barely escaped with our lives from the small town of Mooseville up in Canada. After some little twerp announced our presence to the town, an angry mob surrounded our truck and started battering it with clubs. A brick struck the windshield, cracking it thoroughly. I thought we could wait it out, but Edwige had forgotten to lock her passenger side door. Before I knew it, they had dragged Edwige out of the vehicle. I knew it wouldn’t be long before they grabbed me.

To be continued.

This week’s Arrow Home Video release is 1986’s Vamp from director Richard Wenk. Back in the 1980s, you had a whole slew of teenage vampire flicks such as The Lost Boys and Fright Night. You got kind of a mixture of comedy with the frights and Vamp carries on with this tradition. And you’ve got an interesting cast of Brat Pack alumni in this movie. You don’t get James Spader or Molly Ringwald, but you get their co-stars.

For instance, Chris Makepeace and Robert Rusley play a couple of frat pledges named Keith and AJ. You may know Chris Makepeace from such movies as Meatballs and My Bodyguard. Robert Rusley played a bully in Weird Science right alongside Robert Downey Jr. We’ve got Gedde Watanabe from Sixteen Candles as Duncan, a rich nerd desperate for friends. Lastly, we’ve got Dedee Pfeiffer as Amaretto, a cocktail waitress at an exotic strip club. Who is Dedee Pfeiffer? She’s Michelle Pfeiffer’s younger sister. Need I say more?

So we’ve got a couple of pledges named Keith and AJ trying to get into a fraternity. AJ offers the fraternity anything they want if they’ll let them join. The fraternity wants a stripper for a party they’re having that weekend. The two of them go to see Duncan, a friendless nerd with a lot of money. He’s so rich that he has a team of students doing his homework for him in his swank apartment. Keith and AJ ask if they can borrow his Cadillac and he agrees as long as he takes him with them.

The trio ends up in a shady part of town where there’s this strip club that only opens up after dark. They stop for some coffee at a cafe staffed by a nervous man wearing a crucifix around his neck. A gang led by a creepy albino man enters the cafe after the sun goes down. Keith makes the googly eyes at one of the women in this gang and she smiles a set of sharp fangs at him. This should have been seen as a red flag, but instead of high tailing it out of town, the trio makes their way over to the strip club.

Inside the club, the young men are treated to a dance performance by Katrina (Grace Jones), the top act of the night which has to be seen to be believed. If a demented Ronald McDonald in a steel bikini is your thing, Katrina is for you. AJ is impressed and requests a meeting with Katrina to see if she’ll strip for the fraternity later that night. AJ gets more than he bargained for when Katrina puts the moves on him and takes off her clothes. He gets even more than he bargained for when she sinks her fangs into his neck.

Did I like the movie? Sure. Is it the best teen horror vampire comedy I’ve ever seen? No, but it’s good enough. You get a wonderful scene later on where Keith offers his neck to a now vampire AJ, thinking he can just take a little bit to get by. Keith replies, “What do you think I am, a mosquito?”

Photo by Leslie Salas

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, and episode 491) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.