The Curator of Schlock #325 by Jeff Shuster

The Evil

This is a bad place. 

I decided to go snooping around the mansion, see if there are any old family treasures that won’t be missed. I plan on adding a roller rink to the Museum of Schlock when I get back and those don’t come cheap. Jervis’s deceased master must have been really into Porcelain dolls. I’ve found three rooms filled with the damn things, but I’ll be posting them on Ebay soon enough. Funny thing is I could swear the damn things move around once my back is turned. Must be my imagination.

Tonight’s movie is 1978’s The Evil from director Gus Trikonis. It’s about a spooky old mansion that has a reputation for being haunted. A Civil War general named Emilio Vargas built the mansion over sulfur pits in a place the natives referred to as “Valley of the Devils.” Of course, there’s no such thing as ghosts. So thinks Sam, the caretaker, as investigates a noise he hears coming from the basement. He opens up an old furnace to see nothing out of the ordinary just before the furnace spews out a torrent of flames and turns Sam into a great ball of fire.

Later that afternoon, C.J. Arnold (Richard Crenna), a psychiatrist wanting to turn the property into a drug rehab center, arrives with his wife, Caroline (Joanna Pettet), a doctor who is sensitive to the supernatural. Later on, he’s joined by Raymond (Andrew Prine), a college professor, and Laurie (Marie Louise Weller), his TA/girlfriend. Other helpers/future victims include Felicia (Lynne Moody), Marie (Cassie Yates), Pete (George O”Hanlon Jr.), and Dwight (George Viharo). Oh, and there’s a dog too, but his name escapes me. For the sake of the review, we’ll call him Precious.

So Precious decides to furiously dig a hole down in the basement, like he’s after a tasty bone. That bone turns out to be a sacred cross locking a latch to a trap door. C.J. discovers the trap door soon after and yanks at that cross until it comes loose. As soon as he does this, the whole house shakes, the doors and windows lock shut, and poor Dwight is electrocuted to death when he accidentally grabs hold of a stray electrical cord. Felicia is, naturally, taunted by a strange spirit that tears her clothes off and tosses her about.

Raymond and C.J. try using a buzzsaw to cut through the front door, but it might as well be made of solid steel. C.J. goes up to the second floor to see if they can climb down with a cord tied to the railing. Pete insists on going first and is promptly struck by lightning before combusting into flames and falling to the ground, Each of them gets picked off one by one by the evil fotrce. Raymond seems to purposely saw into his own hand, but manages to get outside through one of the windows. Then Raymond is swallowed up by the earth right as he’s proclaiming freedom.

Eventually, C.J. and his wife communicate with the ghost of Emilio Vargas (which side did he fight on, I wonder) and decide to check out the basement and go through the trap door. They need to find the scared cross in order to seal the evil underneath the house and wouldn’t you know it, the evil is the Devil himself (Victor Buono). He’s been taunting C.J. and his friends just for kicks. Funny how the Devil wears a white suit and speaks with an English accent. Will C.J. and his wife find the cross and seal the Devil in or will the Devil escape and torment the world by creating the five dollar footlong? You’ll have to check it out for yourself.

Photo by Leslie Salas.

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, and episode 284) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

The Curator of Schlock #324 by Jeff Shuster

Devil Dog: The Hound of Hell

It’s like The Omen, but with a puppy in it.

I try not to be a pain, but I merely requested that maybe Jervis could make some twice baked potatoes instead of scalloped potatoes the next time he prepares some fillet mignon for me. I am the guest at this stately mansion under the request of his deceased master that all strangers be treated with kindness. And if that stranger wants a twice baked potato, it is you, the servant, that had better make it happen. Don’t give me a hard stare. I’m not impressed.

This week’s movie is 1978’s Devil Dog: The Hound of Hell from director Curtis Harrington. The movie begins with a group of devil worshippers hoping to procure a female German Shepard for breeding purposes. After purchasing a breeder named Lady for $5,000, they don the robes and pray to “Barghest.” I guess the evil spirit of the devil dog impregnates Lady. Her spawn will bring an end to Truth, Justice, and the American Way.

We then get introduced to Mike (Richard Crenna) and Betty Barry (Yvette Mimieux) and their 2.5 kids: Bonnie (Kim Richards of Escape from Witch Mountain fame), Charlie (Ike Eisenman also of Escape from Witch Mountain fame), and their dog, Skipper. They’re just a typical all-American suburban family. They come home one day to find Skipper dead in the street. Their nosy neighbor, George (Lou Frizzell), tells them he saw a black limousine hit Skipper and drive off. The next day a kindly old farmer shows up to their house selling apples out of his truck. He offers Bonnie and Charlie a free apple, but little do they know that he’s one of the Satanists we saw in the beginning of the film.

Also, in the back of the truck are Lady and her litter of puppies. The old farmer offers the kids the pick of the litter and they choose a male German Shepherd and name him Lucky. Everyone seems to love the new dog except the Barry’s housekeeper, Maria, a God fearing woman who think the puppy is evil! While Maria is all alone in the house praying the Rosary, Lucky’s eyes glow green and Maria’s arm spontaneously combusts. Lucky then uses his demonic powers to lock her in her bedroom and when the Barry family come home, they find a well done housekeeper.

A year goes by and Lucky is now a full grown German Shepherd. The dog manages to demonically influence the kids into being bad kids that lie, cheat, and steal. Even Betty starts to act strange, inviting her husband, Mike,  for a late night skinny dip in their neighbor George’s pool. George’s dog ends up dead and he blames it on Lucky. Then George is found drowned in his pool. Very strange indeed. Then Mike wakes up late one night to hear his family chanting and painting pictures of demonic entities.

Funny thing about this movie is that is was a CBS Movie of the Week. Even funnier is that that this movie features an Italian language track. Did they ship this movie overseas as a theatrical feature? For shame, CBS! For shame! And now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to ring the bell and have Jervis pick me up a certain confectionary treat by the Drake’s Cakes company. I’m sure he won’t mind. It’s only one in the morning.

Photo by Leslie Salas.

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, and episode 284) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.