The Curator of Schlock #368 by Jeff Shuster

The Red Queen Kills Seven Times

Because eight times would be gauche. 

I made it through the Canadian border. I had to tie Edwige, my kangaroo companion, up in a potato sack so as to avoid the peeping eyes of the authorities. Edwige was none too pleased, but I bought her a box of Smarties so we’re good. Now, which way to Saskatchewan?

This week’s Arrow home video release is 1972’s The Red Queen Kills Seven Times from director Emilio Miraglia. This was included in Arrow’s Killer Dames collection along with The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave. The movie begins with two little girls, Kitty and Evelyn, getting into a fight after Evelyn steals Kitty’s doll. The two little girls are sisters and there is a family curse that states every one hundred years, one sister will kill the other. Then the dead sister will return from the grave and kill her murderer. Plus, the dead sister will kill six others just for fun.

Fast forward fifteen or so years and Kitty is now an adult played by the lovely Barbara Bouchet. No sign of Evelyn because she’s left for a life in America. We are then introduced to the Red Queen, a mysterious woman wearing a red cloak that stalks her victims with a knife. Incidentally, this is the same woman mentioned in the family curse, the dead sister that murders seven people. She stalks Evelyn’s and Kitty’s grandfather, causing him to die of sheer fright. The Red Queen then laughs maniacally and that freaks me out a bit. I don’t like that too much.

Now, you may find it strange that the Red Queen has surfaced once again since the criteria for the curse requires that one sister would have killed the other, but Kitty is alive and well and Evelyn has started a new life in America. Well, it turns out that isn’t exactly true. Seems that Evelyn was tormenting Kitty for like the one thousandth time and Kitty snapped. Kitty bashed her sister’s head into a stone column before tossing the body into a pond. Then she and two other conspirators, her older sister Franziska (Marina Malfatti) and Franziska’s husband, Herbert (Nino Korda), hid the body.

Kitty is a fashion photographer having an affair with a married man named Martin (Ugo Pagliai). Martin’s wife is locked away in a mental institution. She refuses to grant him a divorce and threatens to murder him. She also claims to have a friend named Evelyn that she converses with on a regular basis. When the Red Queen murders one of Martin’s associates in a park, witnesses describe a woman that looks exactly like Evelyn, but Kitty denies that resemblance as she’s starting to unravel from the stress of it all.

One thing I always find interesting about Giallo movies is how they hint at the preternatural and the paranormal, but these things are only an accent on the story. For instance, is there a family curse? Maybe. Is that curse in effect in this story? Maybe yes or maybe no. Maybe the curse is being used to deflect from what’s really going on. Regardless, it’s creepy as all get out. I’d like to commend Arrow on some great restorations of these four Giallo classics. They were well worth my time.

Photo by Leslie Salas

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, and 477) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

The Curator of Schlock #367 by Jeff Shuster

The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave

That sounds ominous. 

I’m on the road again. I should be hitting that Canadian border any day now. I’ve been trying to get an I-Spy game going with Edwige, but she isn’t too responsive. I guess that’s on account of her being a kangaroo and all. She’s learned how to buckle her seatbelt though. That’s impressive. I don’t suppose one could charge people to watch a kangaroo buckle her seatbelt. I guess that’s not the most exciting animal trick out there.

This week’s Arrow Home Video release is 1971’s The Evelyn Came Out of the Grave from director Emilio Miraglia. This was included in their Killer Dames box set along with The Red Queen Kills Seven Times, a masterpiece I will be covering next week. This movie is a prime example of what I love and find confounding about the Giallo genre. Let’s tear into it.

The movie centers on a Lord Alan Cunningham (Anthony Steffen), a sophisticated English gentleman with a dark secret. The movie begins with him trying to escape a mental institution because he had a breakdown after his wife, Evelyn, died. Next, we see him on a date with a gorgeous prostitute. He takes her back to one of his family’s abandoned manor houses, the kind reeking with dust and cobwebs. He takes her to a clean and furnished bachelor pad within. You might think we’d be getting a passionate love scene, but Lord Alan puts on a black monk’s robe, whips the prostitute, straps her down, threatens her with a branding iron, and then stabs her to death.

Keep in mind that this is our protagonist. I guess we’re expected to excuse this kind of behavior due to Lord Alan’s obsessing over his deceased, red-headed wife. This is why Lord Alan kidnaps red-headed prostitutes. He’s haunted by visions of Evelyn running around in what looks like the garden of Eden with another man. His cousin, George (Enzo Tarascio)  suggests he take out a stripper named Susan (Erika Blanc). Lord Alan does so and brings her back to the torture chamber, but Susan manages to escape. Lord Alan also has to contend with a groundskeeper named Albert (Roberto Maldera) that takes bribes to keep quiet about Lord Alan’s late night activities. Albert also raises foxes. And Lord Alan has an ascot collection, in case you were curious.

That detail made my editor really happy for reasons passing understanding.

Lord Alan’s doctor, Richard Timberlane (Giacomo Rossi Stuart), suggests he get married again to get Evelyn out of his head. While attending a swinging party with George who happens to be wearing a hoop earring on his left ear because why not, Lord Alan meets a beautiful woman named Gladys (Marina Malfatti) that he instantly falls for. Lord Alan takes her to bed, asks her to marry him, and before you know it, they’re happily married. Also, Gladys is a blonde so no more fits of tortuous rage.

Lord Alan’s Aunt Agatha (Joan C. Davies) approves of her nephew’s new bride and has hired a bunch of blonde maids to serve their every need. Aunt Agatha is wheelchair bound, but that doesn’t stop her from getting up and sneaking around. Plus, she’s having a torrid affair with groundskeeper Albert. The two of them die horribly. Lord Alan gets committed  when he sees his beloved Evelyn come out of the grave one night. And the twists keep coming. Expect poisonings, stabbings, and an incident involving sulphuric acid. Good times!

Photo by Leslie Salas.

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, and 477) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

The Curator of Schlock #366 by Jeff Shuster

Death Walks at Midnight

Also known as Cry Out in Terror

I got my second vaccine shot yesterday and experienced some nasty fever dreams. I had a vision of Edwige beating me within an inch of my life to the delight of a cheering crowd in Madison Square Garden. Tomorrow, I’ll travel back up to Canada, but Edwige keeps giving me the stink eye. Maybe I’d better stop at an IHOP along the way. Edwige should like their Rooty Tooty Fresh N Fruity breakfast.

Today’s Arrow Home Video release is 1972’s Death Walks at Midnight from director Luciano Ercoli. This was included in Arrow’s Death Walks Twice set which included Death Walks on High Heels which I covered last week. And like last week’s movie, we have Nieves Navarro in the lead!

Supermodel Valentina (Nieves Navarro) decides to take some hallucinogenic drugs at the request of a reporter friend of hers, Giò Baldi (Simón Andreu). He’s writing a story about an anonymous supermodel taking hallucinogenic drugs, but not to worry, Valentina will have her face covered during the experience so no photos taken will identify her. While she’s tripping, Valentina sees a young woman getting murdered by a dude in sunglasses wearing a metallic glove with spikes attached to it. He proceeds to slam the spikes into her face as Valentina screams in horror.

When the story is published, Nicole’s drugged out face is plastered on a bestselling tabloid. She gets fired by her modeling agency for the negative exposure. Nicole is not pleased about the whole situation and tries assaulting Giò at the tabloid he works for. The police get called, but Giò doesn’t press charges. I guess he feels a little bad for ruining Nicole’s career and decides to help her figure out the mystery of that violent vision she had.

I think she meets a shrink at some point that believes the hallucinogenic drug she took unearthed a repressed memory of a murder she witnessed. Nicole is determined to solve this mystery as the murderer stalks her. He tries breaking into her apartment with that spiked glove of his. Her artist neighbor, Stefano (Peter Martell), runs to her aid after he hears her screaming. However, Stefano saw no sign of the killer.

Nicole and Stefano have a torrid affair. I suppose this is where I will spoil the movie so stop reading now if you want to watch. So it turns out that Stefano is a heroin dealer. The spiked gloved killings were the result of an elaborate plan to eliminate his competition. And now Nicole knows too much and has to die. Stefano and his cronies try hanging Nicole in her own apartment. They want to make it look like a suicide, but Giò busts in and interrupts their plans.

What follows is a genuinely thrilling chase scene on the rooftops of Milan as Nicole and Giò have to contend with Stefano and his psychopathic cronies. I got a chuckle when one of them got his head shoved into a pile of heroin. That stuff will mess you up. Death Walks at Midnight had a surprising twist as to who the killer was and that final chase scene made this worth my time. I recommend it.

Photo by Leslie Salas

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, and 477) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

The Curator of Schlock #363 by Jeff Shuster

Crimes of Passion

Kathleen Turner and Anthony Perkins, together again for the first time.

Hooray. Canada will start letting in fully vaccinated citizens and permanent residents of the United States beginning on August 9th. Good thing I got my first dose a few weeks back and will have my second dose in time to get to the Canadian border by August 9th. Oh, and I found my long-lost passport. Looks like everything will be lining up so I can drive this truck and save that small town in Saskatchewan.

Now back to exploring this abandoned shopping mall.

This week’s Arrow Home Video release is 1984’s Crimes of Passion from director Ken Russell. It’s billed as an erotic thriller, but the whole thing is a pervy affair and what would mother think if she knew I was watching such filth? Anyway, the movie begins with a dissatisfied husband named Bobby Grady (John Laughlin) attending some group therapy session where the men rage against women and the women rage against men. Bobby says he’s in a healthy marriage, but then rants about how his wife, Amy (Annie Potts), has no interest in sex.

Next, we’re introduced to China Blue (Kathleen Turner), a street prostitute wearing a blue dress and blonde wig. She can fulfill the weird kinks of any man in the seedy apartment she rents in the red light district. One man fixated on her is a self-styled street preacher named Reverend Peter Shayne (Anthony Perkins). He wants to save China Blue with his bible and bag of assorted sex toys including a steel vibrator that can’t be legal in most counties.

China Blue is the alias for Joanna Crane, a fashion designer for a top clothing company. She’s driven and hard-working which makes her boss suspicious. Someone inside the company has been selling designs to the competition and the boss wants Joanna followed. Enter Bobby Grady looking for some night work to help pay for his kid’s braces. He follows Joanna to the red light district and becomes fascinated with her nightlife activities.

Eventually, the fashion thief surfaces and is confronted by the boss, thus letting Joanna off the hook. Bobby doesn’t spill the beans about Joanna, but decides to employ her services and has the best sex of his life. He runs to her defense when Reverend Shayne accosts her in the street, but gets knocked flat on his ass. At some point, Bobby shows up at her real house, tells Joanna he wants to leave his wife for her, etc. Joanna doesn’t think she can give her up her double life, the freedom that comes with it, etc.

Meanwhile, Reverend Shayne is losing his mind. There’s a scene where he slaughters a blow-up doll thinking she’s a prostitute. Or does he slaughter a prostitute thinking she’s a blow-up doll? This is an odd one, folks. I’m still letting it sink in. That’s my way of saying that I don’t know if Crimes of Passion is beautiful schlock or a waste of celluloid. Edwidge the kangaroo didn’t know either.

Ask me in about ten years.

Photo by Leslie Salas.

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, and 477) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.