The things we watch as kids. Oliver! often made the rounds in my parents’ VCR. It taught me many things such as not asking for more gruel from a portly man wearing a Napoleon hat. He will sing a song about how awful you are in front of the other orphans. Then he’ll take you out in the cold loudly proclaiming, “Boy for sale!” I think that response is a tad extreme.

Tonight’s movie is 1981’s Time Bandits from director Terry Gilliam and unlike the other bizarre children’s fantasy films I’ve covered this month, I actually enjoyed this one as a child. We’re introduced to a young English boy named Kevin (Craig Warnock) who is fascinated by the ancient Greeks and Medieval knights, but his parents only care about blenders and microwave ovens. Who cares about great warriors of history when you can defrost a beef bourguignon in 14 seconds. Keven is sent up to bed, but is alarmed when a knight on horseback appears in his bedroom and gallops away into a forest that was once his bedroom wall. He prepares for such a visitation the next night by tucking a polaroid camera into his bathrobe. This time, however, Kevin is visited by six dwarfs who pop out of his wardrobe. We’re not even ten minutes into this movie and I’m already seeing more imagination on display than your modern Hollywood blockbuster.

The dwarfs are on the run from the “Supreme Being,” the entity they worked for by assisting him in the creation of the universe. Their names are Fidget (Kenny Baker), Strutter (Malcolm Dixon), Og (Mike Edmonds), Wally (Jack Purvis), Vermin (Tiny Ross), and their leader, Randall (David Rappaport). They used to work in the shrubbery department, but they decided they’d rather be stinking rich instead. Through a map they stole from the “Supreme Being,” the dwarfs are able to locate holes in time which they can use to rob famous historical figures such as Napoleon Bonaparte (Ian Holm) and King Agamemnon (Sean Connery).

Watching Kevin and the bandits from his dark fortress is Evil (David Warner). Yes, Evil is a character in this movie and he’s very evil. He’s also fascinated by digital watches and computers. Evil tells his minions that he wouldn’t waste his time creating forty-three species of parrots and would have started with lasers. One of the underlings points out that the dwarfs have the Supreme Being’s map and Evil thinks of a plan to steal it from them. He mind controls Og into telling the group that the greatest treasure exists in the Time of Legends. They have a nasty run-in with an ogre and a giant before discovering Evil’s dark fortress where they are tempted by the most fabulous treasure in the world.

Evil captures them, steals the map, and leaves Kevin and the dwarfs to rot in a cage suspended over an abyss. Through a polaroid photo Kevin took of the map, the dwarfs are able to locate a portal out of Evil’s lair. They return to confront Evil with Roman soldiers, knights of horseback, and American cowboys. And they all fail miserably as Evil comes up with creative ways to kill these great warriors of history. It looks like Evil will have his day, but don’t forget, there’s still a Supreme Being out there. He kind of resembles John Houseman even though he’s actually played by Ralph Richardson. Time Bandits remains a delight now as it did in the 80s. 

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, episode 575, episode 596, episode 597, episode 598, episode 599, episode 642, episode 643, episode 644, episode 645, episode 670, episode 686, episode 687,  688, and 689) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.