Horror
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The Curator of Schlock #514: Exte: Hair Extensions
We made it one block before there was an incident. I know we’re supposed to wait for the electric sign with the walking man to flash on, but I had a guy bleeding in my arms. A green Subaru Outback stopped just short of sending Waldo and I flying. Some broccoli-headed teen honked on his… Continue reading
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The Curator of Schlock #513: Shikoku
We were hoping to drop Waldo, our compatriot in our battle against the Goose Lord Gang, under cover of night, but when we emerged from the sewers it was broad daylight. Considering that two members of our group were a ninja vigilante and a kangaroo fitted with boxing gloves. Plus, Waldo was bleeding out all… Continue reading
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101 Horror Movie Nights
with Dmetri Kakmi The Incredible Shrinking Man USA, 1957 Director: Jack Arnold Cast: Grant Williams, Randy Stuart, April Kent, Giant Cat, Giant Spider Richard Matheson got the idea for The Shrinking Man (the novel’s title) from a 1953 musical called Let’s Do It Again, where Ray Milland’s character dons a wrong hat. It’s too large for his head… Continue reading
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The Curator of Schlock #510: The Children
We had to get out of the Museum of Schlock without the Goose Lord and his gang spotting us otherwise Waldo was going to die. Unbeknownst to everyone but myself was a secret passage leading from the basement to the sewers. By selecting a certain song from a jukebox player in the corner, our escape… Continue reading
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The Curator of Schlock #509: The Sacrifice Game
I dragged Waldo through the bloated fentanyl processing station of the Goose Lord’s gang, making my way over the elevator. My companions Edwige the kangaroo, the Revenging Manta, and his brother, Albert Simmons, followed close behind. While taking on the Goose Lord and his gang had been our main priority, we could not just let… Continue reading
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101 Horror Movie Nights
with Dmetri Kakmi Creature from the Black Lagoon USA, 1954 Director: Jack Arnold Cast: Julie Adams, Richard Carlson, Richard Denning and Ricou Browning as Gill Man. Better known in my household as Creature from the Black Latrine, this month’s creature feature requires the admission of an unusual coming-out story. I was sixteen years old when I saw… Continue reading
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The Curator of Schlock #506: Hell House LLC II: The Abaddon Hotel
I wanted the Revenging Manta, the ninja vigilante of downtown Orlando, to cut this sniveling accountant named Albert Simmons down to size. Not figuratively cut down to size. Literally. I don’t do the whole murder thing, but I wanted justice after this man’s involvement in the sale of my Beanie Baby collection. But the Revenging… Continue reading
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The Curator of Schlock #505: In a Violent Nature
“Sold!” I screamed, my fingers digging into the shoulders of Albert Simmons, the accountant for the Goose Lord gang. “I can’t replace those Beanie Babies. My whole life’s work ruined!” I grabbed Albert by the back of his neck and pushed him head first through the door. The Revenging Manta was cleaning his blade on… Continue reading
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The Curator of Schlock #505: The Amityville Horror
I had a trout Beanie Baby named Rainbow. The prize jewell of my collection is now gone with the rest. All sold on eBay by the Goose Lord and his gang. I’m sorry. I can’t process the loss right now. Maybe I’ll work up the strength next time. — To be continued. Happy Halloween, everybody!… Continue reading
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The Curator of Schlock #504: House
“Who are you?” I asked the pencil-necked geek hiding in what was formerly my Beanie Baby archive. “I’m Albert Simmons,” he said as he dabbed his sweaty forehead with a handkerchief. “I’m the accountant for the Gooselord and his gang.” “Where are my Beanie Babies?” I asked with clenched fists. “Did these hoodlums throw them… Continue reading
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