I got The Revenging Manta, the ninja vigilante of downtown Orlando, up to speed. Yes, the Goose Lord and his gang were still up to their nefarious plot of harming the citizens of downtown Orlando. Edwige had come to my rescue when a leather clad gimp tried biting throat out and how we  subdued a punk resembling Waldo from Where’s Waldo. Just as I was about to tell him about the power going out, the lights flickered on. I was expecting to see the bodies of the goons killed by the zombie in The Beyond exhibit, but they were nowhere to be seen. I trail of blood was all that was left. – To be continued.

Tonight’s movie is 1996’s Twister from director Jan de Bont. This was the second highest grossing movie of 1996 right behind Independence Day. For you kids out there, yes we used to go to movies that weren’t part of franchises featuring a Marvel or DC character. Back then, all you needed were tornados tearing through hearth and home to satisfy an audience. It was a simpler time when matinee tickets cost five bucks and 3-D movies were a relic from the 1950s.

Our movie begins with a young girl watching her father get sucked into an F5 tornado. I guess that would scar you for life. Fast forward about twenty eight years and she’s now a hot shot tornado chaser named Jo Harding (Helen Hunt). Her estranged husband, Bill (Bill Paxton), is engaged to a woman named Melissa (Jami Gertz). He travels out to tornado country (Kansas?) with his fiancé to get Jo to finally sign the divorce papers. Before he can get a word in edgewise, Jo shows him a fancy machine named Dorothy (Wizard of Oz reference) that will spit little robots up into the tornado so they can analyze and better predict when and where tornados will show in order to give people more warning.

Jo’s tornado chasing team is a carnival of maverick scientists, chief among them a hard rocker named Dusty (Phillip Seymour Hoffman). Bill used to be a part of this team before he separated from Jo and decided to start a career as a TV weatherman. But Dorothy was his idea and Jo got the machine to work so he and Melissa tag along on the first tornado chase. Unfortunately, there is an evil tornado chasing team trying to steal their, ummmm, thunder. 

Jonas Miller (Cary Elwes) is the lead scientist of this rival team and this team drives all black vehicles and have corporate sponsorship. To make matters worse, Jonas has his own version of Dorothy that he stole from Bill back in their college days. I hate Jonas and his corporate sponsored tornado chasers! Don’t worry. Jonas will get what’s coming to him. And it’s death! Sweet death!

Look, if you want scenes of flying cows, steak and eggs, dog rescuing, and drive-in destruction, then Twister is the movie for you! I hear it’s getting a sequel this summer titled Twisters. I guess this time it’s war!

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, episode 575, episode 596, episode 597, episode 598, and episode 599) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.