In Boozo Veritas #26 by Teege Braune

An Open Letter To Misogynist Bloggers

Thanks to the internet everybody now has the opportunity to share their opinion about everything. Most of the time I use this technology to talk about drinking and literature. These are subjects I enjoy and perhaps, once in awhile, I can write something about them that someone else will enjoy too. This is ultimately my goal: to be entertaining and maybe sometimes even a little thought-provoking. I try really hard to keep my blog pretty positive, even if I don’t always feel this way in real life, because there is already enough hatred on the internet, and I don’t want to contribute to that culture, but you forced me to break my own rule because you are just so goddamn stupid I can’t take it anymore.

Do you really have such a problem with short haircuts on women that you feel the need to write blog after stupid blog about it? Is this really such a goddamn travesty with you that every time I login to Facebook I have to see another ridiculous article entitled “All Girls With Short Hair Are Damaged” or something equally as offensive? For the record, my friends are not sharing your idiotic blogs because they agree with you. Mostly they add a tagline like, “Is this for real?” because they are equally as dumbfounded as I am by your hateful rhetoric. I don’t know why I continue to read your poor excuse for writing. Sometimes I wonder if I actually look for things that make me angry. Okay, I guess I have my own issues too, but I have to say this: if your goal was simply to be inflammatory, then you’ve succeeded. You’ve aroused my ire, and now I’m coming for you.

Yes, I’m taking this personally but not for the reasons you think. It’s true my fiancé has short hair. I love her, am desperately attracted to her, and would feel the same whether she had short hair, long hair, or no hair at all. My opinion of her hair, or any other woman’s hair for that matter, is a moot point because women are not sexual objects on display for my approval. Their physical appearances and stylistic choices have nothing to do with me or you or our personal preferences. If you can’t find a woman who fits into your narrow, unrealistic prejudice of what women should look like, tough shit. Be lonely. It is nothing less than you deserve. Any woman would be better off without your stupid ass weighing her down. Your ludicrous reasons for long hair don’t even make any sense: its a symbol of youth and fertility? What the hell is that even supposed to mean? Based on what anthropological evidence do you make this claim? I think the reason that short hair bothers you is much simpler. I think short hair is often a reflection of a woman’s confidence and this is a quality that you are terrified of women possessing. This isn’t to say that women with long hair can’t be just as secure, but my guess is that you would rail against any other fashion choice that represented a woman’s independence. Short hair is an easy, obvious target, so you make it your scapegoat when what you are really saying is this: “I am scared shitless of any woman who doesn’t fit my limited and hateful misunderstanding of femininity.” Sorry, man, this is going to be a really frightening world for you.

So I’m not taking your blog personally because my fiancé has short hair. I’m taking it personally because it is an insult to people I love and for whom I have undying respect. I am taking it personally because you contribute to a culture that constantly attempts to dehumanize these amazing women, a culture that turns a blind eye to sexual assault, that apologizes for rapists, and blames victims for the violence acted upon them. I take it personally because I identify with these intelligent women more than I will ever identify with a hateful, ignorant misogynist like yourself, and I hold you personally responsible for the fact that after all the social progress we’ve made even in the last twenty years, we still live in a world that often treats women like nothing more than objects of men’s sexual fantasies.

My fiancé’s short hair is beside the point. That being said, heed this well, shit head: woe be it to the misogynist dirtbag who tells the love of my life she would be hotter if she had long hair. I would love to see the goddamn shit show that would take place if you had the audacity to do that, but we both know you never will. You’re a coward. You don’t even have the courage to write your blog under your real name. You use some fake moniker and hide behind the anonymity of the internet. Do you think you are some champion of maleness, finally saying what other men are thinking, redeeming manhood by calling out women? You are nothing but a sad agent of hate, squawking into the sea of voices that is the internet. I wish I could tell you that your opinion means less than nothing, but unfortunately this isn’t true. You are destructive, a bane to culture, an enemy on the road to progress, and we shall never be free until you are stamped out of existence.

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Teege Braune (episode 72, episode 75, episode 77) is a writer of literary fiction, horror, essays, and poetry. Recently he has discovered the joys of drinking responsibly. He may or may not be a werewolf.