Does anyone remember that time Kenny Rogers guest starred on The Muppet Show? He performed “The Gambler” in front of a live audience. Instead of Kermit or Gonzo or Fozzie Bear, he shares the train compartment with three muppets designed to look like old men. There are times during his performance, Kenny Rogers is fighting not to burst out laughing. That was the genius of Jim Henson. 

Tonight’s movie is 1982’s The Dark Crystal from directors Jim Henson and Frank Oz. It’s a movie featuring lots and lots of puppets. I suppose this was a grand experiment at the time of release, a movie featuring a cast of puppets instead of actors and none of them are even human. Curiously, I can’t seem to find a review from Gene Siskel or Roger Ebert on the subject. Maybe they were as confused as I was because I can’t hide nor hair of this story.

We’re introduced to two races of creatures, the Skeksis and the Mystics. The Skeksis are cruel and power hungry while the Mystics are wise and gentle. Naturally, the Skeksis are the more interesting creatures with their bird-like, hunched-over mannerisms. The narrator tells of a great event one thousand years ago that produced these two races, and that we’re due for another one. Or did I glean that from information I received later in the movie? What else? We’re introduced to Jen, a young Gelfling and the last of his race who was raised by the mystics and has to go on an epic quest to find the “crystal shard.”

I’m getting further thrown off because I don’t know what a Gelfling is, but I surmise it’s an elf life creature, but I learn later that the females of this species have wings? You know what? They’re the closest thing we have to human protagonists so we’ll just go with it. Meanwhile, the Skeksis see a vision of young Jen going on his quest and they freak out. Their new emperor sends a bunch of beetle-like creatures to find the Gelfling as he will fulfill a prophecy about a Gelfling putting an end to the Sheksis. Oh, and they see this vision through the Dark Crystal which I guess is the source of Skeksis’ power.

The Skeksis do use the Dark Crystal to suck the life juice out of these gnome creatures to stay young and turn the gnomes into zombified slaves to do their bidding. They used to do the same thing to the Gelflings before they wiped them out. Jen runs into an old horologist named Aughra who tells of a Great Conjunction, but she doesn’t know the function. Jen finds the crystal shard by blowing on his flute. The beetle-like creatures burn Aughra’s house down, Jen escapes, runs into a female Gelfling named Kira who has control over animals. They figure out that Jen has to insert the missing shard into the Dark Crystal at the next Great Conjunction which is rapidly approaching. And when that happens the link between the Mystics and the Skeksis shall be revealed. I won’t spoil what that is. Hey, anyone remember that Star Trek episode where Captain Kirk (William Shatner) split into his good and halves due to a transporter accident? That was a good episode. 

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, episode 575, episode 596, episode 597, episode 598, episode 599, episode 642, episode 643, episode 644, episode 645, episode 670, episode 686, episode 687,  688, and 689) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.