The Lists #9 by Scott Hoffman

Ten Reasons You Need to Stop Doing That

1. For the children.
2. It’s unnatural.
3. It’s the principle of the thing.
4. I don’t care if the other kids are doing it.
5. Because people can see you.
6. I can see you.
7. What will the neighbors think?
8. Because what the neighbors think matters.
9. You’ll go blind. Seriously. It may take a while, but you’ll go blind.
10. You need to cut THAT CRAP OUT.

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Scott Hoffman (Episode 66, essay) is an independent scholar and native Austinite living and working in his hometown. He earned his Ph.D. in American Studies from Purdue University in 2005 and is currently revising his manuscript Haloed by the Nation: Popular Martyrdom in Contemporary America. In 2008, he was nominated for a Lone Star Emmy for researching and writing The World, the War and Texas, a public television documentary about Texans during the Second World War. His publications include “How Do You Solve a Problem like Maria? St. Maria Goretti in the Post-Counter-Cultural World” in The CRITIC and “Holy Martin: The Overlooked Canonization of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.” and “‘Last Night I Prayed to Matthew:’ Matthew Shepard, Homosexuality and Popular Martyrdom in Contemporary America,” both in Religion and American Culture. This year he completed compiling an LBGT Resource Guide for the Austin History Center. In his spare time Scott likes to sing like nobody’s listenin’ and dance like nobody’s watchin’, which means he tends to wail and flail his arms a lot…