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The Drunken Odyssey

~ A Podcast About the Writing Life

The Drunken Odyssey

Category Archives: The Lists

The Lists #37: Chocolate Jesus Drink Recipe

07 Thursday May 2020

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Chocolate Jesus, Creme de Cacao, Fernet Branca, St. Remy VSOP Brandy, Tod Caviness

The Lists #37 by Tod Caviness

Chocolate Jesus Drink Recipe

Here’s the latest recipe from my quarantine rescue mission for misfit bottles of booze. In this case, the oddball bottle is dark creme de cacao. I have no idea why I have the stuff. Maybe I stole it from a Christmas party where they were drinking Brandy Alexanders?

Anyway, I call this the Chocolate Jesus because I drank it on Easter and it made my wife say “Jesus” when she drank it. (She hates Fernet Branca.)

  • 1 ounce St. Remy VSOP Brandy
  • 1 ounce Dark Creme de Cacao
  • 1/3 ounce Fernet Branca
  • 2 dashes Orange Bitters

Stir all ingredients with ice in a mixing glass, then strain into a coupe glass if you’re fancy. Garnish with a peppermint stick, I guess. I don’t know. Who are you trying to impress with your garnish anyway, you Nancy? Just drink the thing.


Tod Caviness

Tod Caviness is a former features writer at the Orlando Sentinel and has been a staple in the Orlando spoken community for the better part of two decades. He worked to coordinate poetry events at the Orlando Fringe Festival and was the host of the long-running reading series Speakeasy, as well as Loose Lips. He’s currently plotting his escape from Bradenton.

The Lists #36: Star Wars Movies Ranked

29 Sunday Dec 2019

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Blog Post, Star Wars, The Lists

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The Lists #36 by John King

Star Wars Movies Ranked, from Best to Worst

Having just seen The Rise of Skywalker, which made me miss the contributions of Michael Arndt, but was mostly pretty okay, here are The Drunken Odyssey’s current ranking of the Star Wars filmography.

The Drunken Odyssey Star Wars

  1. The Empire Strikes Back
  2. A New Hope
  3. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
  4. The Force Awakens
  5. The Return of the Jedi
  6. The Rise of Skywalker
  7. Solo: A Star Wars Story
  8. Attack of the Clones
  9. The Phantom Menace
  10. Revenge of the Sith
  11. Troops
  12. The Star Wars Holiday Special
  13. The Star Wars Holiday Special (Again)
  14. Hitting Yourself in the Head with a Hammer
  15. The Last Jedi

Please disagree with me in the comments below, though you’ll be wrong.


1flip

John King (Episode, well, all of them) holds a PhD in English from Purdue University, and an MFA from New York University.

The Lists #35: The Top 10 Films of 2017

02 Friday Mar 2018

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The Lists #35 by Brett Pribble

The Top 10 Films of 2017

Lists that rank the best films of the year are inherently subjective and often lead to argument. But hearing other people’s opinions can also lead us to check out things we might not have or think about a film in a way we previously didn’t. That being said, here is my list of the ten best films of 2017. If you’re interested in reading my list of the top films from 2015, click here.

10. Get Out

L35 Get Out 

This movie would be at the top of its class if it was nothing more than a horror movie. It’s well-acted, well-directed, and well-written. It doesn’t stick to predictable genre formulas, and director Jordan Peele creates a creepy as hell atmosphere. What really elevates it, though, is its take on race. Normally, you’d have to see a conventional drama for insights on racism, but Peele manages to do both in a very bold movie. It’s a must-see for horror movie fans, and it’s worth watching even if horror movies aren’t you’re thing.

9. I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore

L35 I Don't Feel at Home 

 All Ruth wants is for people to not be assholes. After her dead granny’s silverware is stolen from her apartment, she goes on a quest for justice… or just for people to be nicer. She’s lost faith in humanity, as many of us have with each news cycle bringing a worse story than the last. Focusing on our indifference to the horrible ways we treat one another, this black comedy is reminiscent of a ‘90s Coen Brothers film. If Ruth weren’t so sweet and headstrong, I may even call her nihilistic (in a good way). After she enlists the help of her nunchuck-wielding neighbor (Elijah Wood), the adventure gets more and more gruesome while still hitting the right dark comedic notes. Also, I should mention this is a Netflix original film that’s currently streaming.

 8. The Shape of Water 

L35 The Shape of Water

When watching Free Willy, did you ever wonder, how much better would this movie be if it opened with a woman masturbating in a bathtub? And then later, what if she fucked Willy? Well, now we know the answer. And the answer is a lot, like a thousand times better. The Shape of Water contains more raw creativity than anything else you’ll see in 2017. Aquatic blue cinematography illuminates the struggle between the kindest of protagonists, a mute woman (Sally Hawkins) tap dancing to romance and cinema, and Michael Shannon burning out his most deliciously sinister performance since the first season of Board Walk Empire. This movie has it all and is a can’t miss for cinephiles. 

7. The Beguiled

L35 The Beguiled 

No filmmaker captures the intimacy of female characters in isolated places like Sophia Coppola. Whether it’s the walled off home of the girls in The Virgin Suicides, the lonely isolation of Lost in Translation, or the lush social circles of Versailles in Marie Antoinette. In The Beguiled, Coppola brings us into the hidden world of a southern girls’ boarding school during the Civil War. After one of the girls discovers a wounded union soldier, the women must decide whether to turn him in to the confederate army or tend to his wounds. It’s based on the 1966 novel by Thomas P. Cullinan, which was first adapted to the screen as a Clint Eastwood film in 1971. Unlike the Eastwood picture, this film is told from perspective of the women, and the war is in background. Rather than being stereotypes, the lives of these women are nuanced, and the surrounding landscape and candle light conversations are—like everything in Coppola’s films—sumptuous. 

6. The Big Sick 

L35 The Big Sick

 The Bick Sick is a romantic dramedy based heavily on the real life love story of writers Kumail Nanjiani and Emily V. Gordon. Kumail plays himself and actress Zoe Kazan does a terrific job portraying Emily. For a movie that keeps the laughs coming, it delves into some heavy territory: interracial dating, culture clashes, the importance of family, and finding strength during a medical emergency. The film even manages to provide a hysterical joke while touching on racism against easterners after 9/11. It’s one of those films you’ll find yourself watching again and again because it’s lighthearted enough to make you forget your problems and deep enough to leave you with a sense of fulfillment.

5. Logan

L35 Logan

If only all comic book movies could be half this good. Logan is more of a western than a comic book movie, and it’s a damn good western at that. Hugh Jackman gives the performance of his career as Logan/Wolverine, and Daphne Keen dazzles as a mysterious young mutant named Laura. In the final incarnation of Jackman’s portrayal of the character, we find Logan as a shell of his former self existing in a post-superhero world. His life now consists of caring for his former mentor Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart) and driving around drunken assholes in a limousine. He’s forced to choose between taking care of Charles, who is stricken with Alzheimer’s, and rescuing Laura from a nefarious task force hunting her down for reasons unknown to him. As you watch Logan make difficult choices along the way, prepare for the heartbreak that comes with them.

4. Call Me By Your Name 

L35 Call Me By Your Name

 Ever wish you grew up in the Italian countryside? Well, you will after you watch this gorgeous movie, which probably couldn’t have been made by an American director. The film begins at the home of a young boy named Elio (Timothée Chalamet), and the arrival of an Adonis-like man named Oliver (Armie Hammer), who arrived for an apprenticeship with Elio’s father. The relationship between the two evolves throughout the movie in a truly genuine and touching fashion. The film culminates in a scene with Elio and his father, reflecting on everything we just watched transpire, perhaps challenging our perceptions of love. 

3. The Florida Project

L35 The Florida Project 

 If this list was simply the saddest ten movies of the year, The Florida Project would be number one. This hard-hitting film takes place in a part of Orlando that Disney would prefer you not know about. It follows a single mother (Bria Vinaite) raising her daughter Moonee (Brooklynn Prince) in destitution, alongside tourist traps and cheap motels, struggling to make the weekly rent. They live in a hotel called The Magic Palace, run by manager with heart (William Dafoe giving an understated performance that rings true). While her mother suffers to pay the bills, Moonee plays with children of other parents living the surrounding motels. Moonee’s adventures capture the awe and wonderment of childhood, as she isn’t fully aware of her situation. The Florida Project punches you in the stomach and kicks while you’re down without ever being didactic or preachy. It just immerses you in the lives of its characters and lets the reality that so many in poverty are forgotten send tears spilling down your face.

2. Lady Macbeth

L35 Lady Macbeth

 In a year celebrating female protagonists, the film with the most complex of these was missed by the awards watchers. Katherine (Florence Pugh) brings the sky crashing down on the heads of her oppressors in a reimagining of Shakespeare’s classic. The story takes liberties in details and timeline of the original but brilliantly captures the cunning resourcefulness of the character, while providing her room for sympathy. It’s rare that multiple masterpieces come out in a single year, but 2017 had two of them, and Lady Macbeth is a masterpiece.

1. Phantom Thread

L35 Phantom Thread 

Paul Thomas Anderson may be the greatest filmmaker of his generation, and Daniel Day-Lewis is the greatest living actor on the planet. We last saw their talents combined in 2007’s There Will Be Blood, and Phantom Thread proves their compatibility was no fluke. Reynolds Woodcock (Day-Lewis) is a renowned fashion designer in 1950s London. Mr. Woodcock has many eccentric qualities, not the least of which is his impression that he is meant to be a life-long bachelor. The man who specializes in making alterations in fashion takes no pleasure in alterations to his routine-driven life. All of his perceptions are challenged by a new romance with young woman named Alma (Vicky Krieps), who delivers a brilliant performance in her own right. Their puzzling interactions illustrate the strangeness of attraction and deconstruct our preconceived notions of compatibility.


Brett PribbleBrett Pribble (Episode 122) is the editor-in-chief of Ghost Parachute and is on the board of directors of the Kerouac Project writer in residence program. His work has appeared in such places as Stirring: A Literary Collection, Saw Palm, The Molotov Cocktail, Crack the Spine, and The Airgonaut. Follow him on Twitter @brettpribble.

The Lists #34: What I Believe

03 Tuesday Oct 2017

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in The Lists

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The Lists #34 by John King

What I Believe

  • Cheese grits are more life-affirming than any other earthly experience.
  • Porn needs more cardigan sweaters.
  • People cannot save a democracy.
  • AC/DC’s ballads are totally underrated.
  • WD-40 should not be used as a sexual lubricant except by the most adventurous of lovers.
  • Porn cannot save democracy.
  • Leon Redbone needs to make an album with Grace Jones. That might save democracy.

1flip

John King (Episode, well, all of them) holds a PhD in English from Purdue University, and an MFA from New York University.

The Lists #33: Books I’ll Regret Not Writing

21 Thursday Sep 2017

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The Lists #33 by John King

Books I’ll regret not writing

  1. On the Hubris of Magic Sparrows
  2. Long Night’s Journey into Happy Hour
  3. The Devil’s Pancakes
  4. Dance of the Planets
  5. Dole Whip: The Movie (A Novelization)
  6. Pawing the Chords of a Half-Remembered Violin
  7. Archaic Memories of Minnesota from the Spork Dynasty 

1flip
John King (Episode, well, all of them) holds a PhD in English from Purdue University, and an MFA from New York University.

The Lists #32: Hurricane Safety Tips

07 Thursday Sep 2017

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The Lists #32 by Patrick Jehle

Hurricane Safety Tips

800px-Hurricane_Isabel_from_ISS

1. Stand outside holding a cloth sail.
2. Bag and freeze plenty of swan burgers.
3. Spend all your money before it goes bad in the bank.
4. Consider publishing my work.
5. Think of me and only me.
6. Ask yourself: How is Patrick? What’s he doing, I hope he’s happy…
7. Let rabid stray dogs bite you to help make you strong.
8. Avoid GMO foods.
9. Catch flying bodies and build an army with them.
10. Don’t forget to floss.

_______

Patrick Jehle

Patrick Jehle (Episode 16) is a writer from Brooklyn living in Chicago. Don’t let him in your kitchen.

The Lists #31: New Year’s Resolutions

05 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in The Lists

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The Lists #31 by John King

New Year’s Resolutions

  1. Annihilate my persona. Use weapons if necessary.
  2. Shave off all my body hair, including eyebrows.
  3. Form an avant-garde Mariachi band.
  4. Become a professional spelunker.
  5. Explore Leon Redbone in mandala form.
  6. Eat more blueberries.
  7. Eat more blueberries.
  8. Re-edit Eyes Wide Shut, so the lightsaber duels are put back into the story.
  9. Eat more blueberries.

_______

1flip

John King (Episode, well, all of them) holds a PhD in English from Purdue University, and an MFA from New York University. He has reviewed performances for Shakespeare Bulletin.

The Lists #30: Essential Pick Up Lines

08 Thursday Sep 2016

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The Lists #30 by Jason Roeder

Essential Pick Up Lines

“Meditation helps me achieve ego murder.”

“We could burn every book, and I’d sleep like a baby.”

“Nickname: Filth Town”

“I spy a fellow anti-circumcision activist!”

“I was named after Shark Tank.”

“I’m like the Grand Wizard of porn dependence.”

“It’s a hoot making cashiers cry.”

“Can I ask what you’re doing to fight our nation’s obesity epidemic?”

“My bod thrills to cigar burns.”

“I’m atop Natalie Merchant’s kill list, and it’s not even close.”

_______

Jason Roeder

Jason Roeder (Episode 24) was a former senior editor of The Onion, digital director for Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, and writer/producer for adultswim.com. He is also a contributor to The New Yorker and the author of the satirical self-help manual Oh, the Humanity! A Gentle Guide To Social Interaction For The Feeble Young Introvert. He lives in Brooklyn and tweets at @jasonroeder.

The Lists #29: Improved Terms for Some Currently-Known Stuff

21 Thursday Jan 2016

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The Lists #29 by Tim J. Myers

Improved Terms for Some Currently-Known Stuff

As culture changes, language does, too.  So must lexicons. Dictionaries of the world, the following are offered for your delight and edification.

  • machina vomitorum: Thrill rides at amusement parks that inspire a terror which can quickly have digestive consequences
  • genetic monsters: That 0.00001% of the population whose greyhound torsos, giant eyes, and abyssal cheeks qualify them as super-models
  • the churchmice professions: Teaching or the humanities as careers
  • In and Out: fast-food-induced diarrhea (which, ironically, never happens at the CA burger chain In and Out)
  • Chichis con Huevos: Hooters Restaurant. Also the answer to a Mexican joke: What do honeymooners have for breakfast?
  •  johnshock: One’s natural reaction, while sitting in a Port-a-Potty, when a stranger in extremis violently tries the door
  • Omeletteville: A memory aid for the millions of Justin-bedazzled moms who can’t remember Justin Timberlake’s actual name
  •  Loserschnitzel: Elitist nickname for the hot-dog chain Wienerschnitzel
  •  mammal glamour: self-evident.

 _______

Tim Myers

Tim J. Myers (Episode 63, interview, Episode 31, essay) is a writer, songwriter and storyteller who also teaches at Santa Clara University in Silicon Valley.  He’s been nominated for two Pushcarts, has published over 130 poems, has three books of adult poetry out, and won a national poetry contest judged by John Updike.  He’s also published much fiction and nonfiction for adults and young readers, won the 2012 SCBWI Magazine Merit Award for Fiction, and won a prize in a major science fiction contest.  His children’s book Basho and the River Stones is a Junior Library Guild selection, his Tanuki’s Gift got an excellent boxed review with art in The New York Times, and his Basho and the Fox, a New York Times bestseller and Smithsonian Notable Children’s Book, was also read aloud on NPR.  He has fifteen children’s books out and two on the way, and his Glad to Be Dad: A Call to Fatherhood is out from Familius.  He can also whistle and hum at the same time, though he hasn’t won any awards for that.  Yet.

The Lists #28: Egg Nog Recipe

10 Thursday Dec 2015

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Christmas, The Lists

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The Lists #27 by Patrick Jehle

 Egg Nog Recipe

Do ahead:

  1. Extirpate all memory of any beverage besides eggnog.

2. Also all hope.

3. Dull gag reflexes using fists, feet.

You are now ready to fashion eggnoggal refreshment:

4. Go to a place. Quest, schlep, endure.

5. Obtain nog.

6. Secure the nog.

7. Since whaleshark eggs hatch inside their mothers, these must be obtained the old-fashion way.

8. Be classy about it, all right?

9. Discard any incipient faces or fins. Save huge membranous yellow egg sac for garnish.

10. Beat eggs and cream until you begin to age at random.

11. Put the nog in. Put it in. Now. Before it’s too late.

12. Eggnog should be thick enough to prevent screams from escaping to the surface. Submerge whole cat to test.

13. Shit, this has nutmeg in it, doesn’t it? Just *forget* it at this point.

14. Chug nog. Nogchug.

15. Feel the warm eggal mixture swimming in your stomach.

16. Try to forget that you never, ever wanted this.

_______

Patrick Jehle

Patrick Jehle (Episode 16) is a writer from Brooklyn living in Chicago. Don’t let him in your kitchen.

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