I had no idea that the Revenging Manta, the ninja vigilante of downtown Orlando, would throw exploding gas pellets to the floor, enveloping the room in smoke as we tried to subdue some fentanyl pushers. I could hear Waldo screaming in the background as gunfire went off. I could see the shadow of Edwige, my kangaroo companion from my misadventures in North America, boxing the ruffians that had turned my life’s work, The Museum of Schlock, into a haven for the most notorious gang in Central Florida.

— To be continued.

Tonight’s movie is 1971’s Four Flies on Grey Velvet from director Dario Argento. For some reason, this one doesn’t get the attention it deserves. It’s the third part of his animal trilogy. I guess flies can’t really be considered animals, but I think I might be missing the forest for the trees or the trees for the forest? Whatever. On with the review.

Our movie begins with a drummer named Roberto (Michael Brandon) jamming with his band only to notice a mustached man wearing sunglasses and a fedora staring at him through a distant window. Roberto has seen this man before, following him through a crowded street one day or driving right behind him another day. As Roberto says goodnight to his band mates, he notices the mustached man staring at him behind a corner before walking away. Roberto has had it and decides to chase after him. 

Roberto confronts the mustached man in an abandoned theater, but the man denies having followed him. The mustached man pulls a knife on Roberto who’s having none of it. Roberto tries to wrench the knife away from the mustached man, but accidentally stabs him in the process. Bleeding out, the mustached man stumbles and falls into the orchestra pit. While Roberto looks down on the body, the theater lights flash on and someone wearing a goofy mask snaps some photos of the guilty Roberto before sneaking back into the balcony.

Why can’t this ever happen on Grantchester? Why can’t the dashing young Anglican priest accidentally stab some creeper while a psychopath in a Howdy Doody mask looks on. Because that’s reality! The world is a freak factory and it needs to invade 1960s Cambridge. Anyway, Roberto returns home and is nearly strangled to death by an intruder that warns him that this is only the beginning. Then he gets knocked out. Roberto later confides in his wife, Nina (Mimsy Farmer), that he may have murdered someone which is why he can’t go to the police about the intruder.

With no other recourse, Roberto turns to God-I mean his friend, Godfrey. Godfrey (Bud Spencer) is a bearded world-weary man who advises Roberto to hire a detective. Roberto hires a PI named Gianni (Jean-Pierre Marielle) who Wikipedia describes as a flamboyant detective. Well, it seems that Gianni can’t get many clients due to his “flamboyant” nature and the fact that he’s never solved a mystery. Still, he assures Roberto that the odds are he’s bound to solve a case at some point. 

Did I mention that the psycho tormenting Roberto has been murdering local women? I can’t imagine any of this will work out well for Roberto as he has a recurring dream about getting executed in a public square by getting his head lopped off. I won’t spoil the end, but with a beginning hook this good you’ll want to keep watching until the end. 

 Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, episode 575, episode 596, episode 597, episode 598, and episode 599) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.