Waldo, my steadfast comrade in arms against the Goose Lord and his gang, was bleeding to death and I was in a panic. Edwige, my kangaroo companion from my misadventures in North America, slapped my face with her tail, knocking me to my senses. I lifted Waldo up over my shoulder and declared, “We’re getting this man to a hospital!”

— To be continued. 

Tonight’s movie is 2022’s Last Seen Alive from director Brian Goodman. the flick stars Gerard Butler, who can work in a pinch if you’ve run out of Liam Neeson action movies to watch. These days I just want to watch movies featuring middle-aged to elderly men unleashing hell on the scum of society that deserve to die. That’s the winning formula for a movie. Apparently, the rest of the world agrees with me as this was a number one hit on Netflix.

Gerard Butler plays Will Spann, a well-to-do real estate developer that’s having some marital problems with his wife, Lisa (Jamie Alexander). Lisa needs some time apart from Will for reasons perhaps having to do with her depression or anxiety. Will still loves her despite their issues as he drives her over to her parents’ house in Emerson. They stop for gas on the way. Will fills up the tank while Lisa goes into the store to buy a bottle of water. As Lisa leaves the store, we see some guy in the distance call her away while Will is distracted by his phone. A truck pulls in front of her obscuring Will’s view when he finally turns around. When the truck drives away, she’s gone. 

Will goes inside, checks the bathroom, checks in with a clerk named Oscar (Michael Irby), asks other customers if they’ve seen her, etc. He calls her cell, but gets her machine. He calls her name out in the parking lot. The cashier doesn’t remember seeing her, but we saw her pay for the water a few scenes earlier. Odd that he doesn’t remember. A flustered Will calls 911 and is put on the phone with a Detective Patterson (Russell Hornsby). The good detective says he’ll send someone along as soon as possible and tells Will to stay put. 

Will doesn’t stay put. He drives off to Lisa’s parents’ house, but Lisa isn’t there. And then her parents start interrogating him, asking Will if they had a fight. Will storms off back to the gas station where he meets Detective Patterson. They go inside the gas station and Detective Patterson asks Oscar, the cashier, if he can see the camera footage, but Oscar says it’s been busted for a week now. The detective heads back to the station while Will stays behind only to notice that the cameras near the pumps are still on. 

Will confronts Oscar about the cameras and Oscar tells him to “Get the f@$% out of here” which doesn’t go over too well as Will then tosses him around like a rag doll. With the hard drive in his hand, Will brings it to the police station where Detective Patterson uncovers their first suspect, a handyman named Knuckles (Ethan Embry) who works for Lisa’s parents. A bit of a conspiracy unfolds that brings Will face to face with a methamphetamine operation deep in the woods. Don’t worry. There will be a meth lab explosion sometime during the film’s climax. And Gerard Butler will kill some hillbilly drug traffickers.

And that’s okay by me. 

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, episode 575, episode 596, episode 597, episode 598, episode 599, episode 642, episode 643, episode 644, and episode 645) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.