“Okay. Okay. I’ll talk,” the Banana-Man said as the Revenging Manta gripped his shoulder. 

“Something big is going on tonight,” the Banana-Man said, panting for breath. “I’ll tell you everything I know, but you have to protect me.” 

The Revenging Manta nodded, but before Banana-Man could utter another word, a shot rang out, Banana-Man taking a bullet to the forehead.

I saw the assassin, covered head to toe with black leather and speeding off on a red Ducati.

— To be continued. 

Happy Independence Day everyone. Tonight’s movie is 1985’s American Ninja from director Sam Firstenberg. I covered its sequel a few years back, but never got to the movie that started it all. I wonder if this is the movie that introduced Michael Dudikoff to the world. The man can’t walk down the streets of Butte, Montana without getting mobbed.

Michael Dudokoff plays Joe Armstrong and can you think of a more American name than Joe Armstrong? He was given a choice by a judge after breaking the law. You either join the army or go to jail. Joe chose the army and off to the Philippines he went. None of his fellow soldiers like him or trust him. Joe is not the talkative type, but when an army convoy is attacked by ninjas and the colonel’s daughter is kidnapped, Joe springs into action with mysterious ninja powers.

Yes, Joe is the only member of the US Army who can go toe to toe with the deadliest of adversaries, the Black Star ninjas. The colonel’s daughter is Patricia Hickock (Judie Aronson) and she gets angry when Joe modifies her high heels and skirt for better jungle traversal. By the way, Judie Aronson was also in Weird Science (a movie I’d rather be watching). Patricia develops feelings for Joe after they wade through muddy waters and have to strip down to dry their clothes in the sun. 

Back at the base, Joe is reprimanded for defending the convoy and saving the colonel’s daughter. The other soldiers give him the stink eye including Corporal Curtis Jackson (Steve James) who challenges him to a street fight in front of everyone. Joe manages to subdue Curtis, but gains his respect in the process. Curtis wants to know how he learned all of that fancy ninjitsu, but Joe doesn’t remember. His childhood memories have been lost except for this old ninja master that taught him how to properly make a cup of tea and handle an entire ninjitsu arsenal. 

Turns out this old ninja master is still alive and is working in the shadows to help Joe fulfill his destiny as the first American ninja. Meanwhile, the Black Star ninja clan is busy working for the evil Victor Ortega (Don Stewart), a weapons trafficker hoping to offload stolen military supplies to some bad guys from South America. It also turns out that First Sergeant Rinaldo (John LaMotta) has betrayed the United States and is actively working with Victor Ortega and his gun running.

We all know a final battle will ensue with Joe taking on the entire Black Star ninja clan. It was a bit confusing at first when I noticed Joe was dressed in all black along with the rest of the ninjas. How was I supposed to tell the good guy from the bad guys? Then I noticed Joe had a red sash attached at the waist. That made it a whole lot easier to root for this American ninja kicking evil ninja ass.

Happy 4th of July, everyone!

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, episode 575, episode 596, episode 597, episode 598, episode 599, episode 642, episode 643, episode 644, episode 645, and episode 670) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.