I was about to get my throat slit by a man dressed as a character from a Star Wars knockoff. The Revenging Manta, the ninja vigilante of downtown Orlando, crept out of the van, ready to surrender himself over to the mob to save my skin. He slowly withdrew his sword and dropped it on the ground. The ninja then put his hands above his head. A guttural voice laughed out loud from inside the crowd of punks. 

“Fool!”

A figure emerged. It was the Goose Lord, decked out in his Count Zarth Arn costume. He still uncannily resembled the late Joe Spinell. Something shot out from his right hand, a metallic clamp that wrapped around the lower left ankle of the Revenging Manta. Electricity shot out from it, shocking the ninja vigilante. The Goose Lord laughed.

— To be continued. 

Tonight’s movie is 2025’s Oh. What. Fun. from director Michael Showalter and it’s a fun movie if by fun you mean the exact opposite of fun. Granted, this is coming from a guy who lists Black Christmas as one of his favorite Christmas movies, but at least that movie is simple. Escaped lunatic stalks and kills sorority sisters during Christmastime.

Plus, you have John Saxon and you can’t go wrong with John Saxon. I thought I couldn’t go wrong with Michelle Pfeiffer, but here we are. 

I suppose the basic premise for Oh. What. Fun. is mom gets fed up being under-appreciated at Christmastime and runs away from her family. The mom in question is Claire Clauster (Michelle Pfeiffer) and she’s busy trying to make Christmas as good as it can be for her visiting family. Her ungrateful kids are Channing (Felicity Jones), Taylor (Chloë Grace Moretz), and Sammy (Dominic Sessa). Channing is a successful mystery writer who has a schlubby husband named Doug (Jason Swartzman) and two kids whose names escape me at the moment. Taylor is a free spirit who brings her girlfriend, DJ Sweatpants, home for the holidays, but Taylor has a reputation as a serial dater. Sammy is a loser who can’t hold down a job and whose girlfriend just dumped him before the holidays. 

What else? Claire’s husband Nick (Denis Leary) is struggling to put together some sort of Barbie dream house for his granddaughter. Nick even hires some local construction workers from the neighborhood to help him put it together, but they can’t make heads or tails of it. Claire also has a rivalry going with her neighbor, Jeanne (Joan Chen), and her perfect family and her perfect gift giving skills. Jeanne gives Claire a scented candle with three wicks which makes Claire self conscious about giving Jeanne a one-wicked candle.

In an effort to one up Jeanne, Claire drags Channing to the mall with her. Claire sees a gigantic cande which she steals because she doesn’t feel like waiting in line. And then there’s a tussle with mall police that I expect is going to go somewhere with car crashes and Claire getting arrested, but she gets away with it scott free. And then for whatever reason, she gives Jeanne some peppermint bark she had laying around the house.

Was the screenplay written by Chat GTP?

I once observed that Keebler Vienna Fingers are the cookies they serve you in hell.

I will now observe that made-for-streaming movies are the movies they show you in hell. Something to ponder as we approach the new year.

Merry Christmas!

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, episode 575, episode 596, episode 597, episode 598, episode 599, episode 642, episode 643, episode 644, episode 645, episode 670, episode 686, episode 687,  688, and 689) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.