The Goose Lord emerged from the darkness, his skin having the consistency of chewed up bubblegum. He carried a spear gun in his right hand that he probably lifted from one of the yachts in the arena, a gun that was pointed directly at me. 

“I didn’t do anything,” I screamed, raising my arms in pitiful surrender. The Goose Lord steadied his aim. 

“All I wanted was to destroy the Magic Kingdom,” the Goose Lord said, the words gurgling out of his mouth. “But I’ll settle for killing the Curator of Schlock. May you be forced to watch Starcrash in hell!”

At that moment, the Goose Lord toppled over and in the next instant, a marsupial was pouncing on his back again and again.

Edwige and she unleashed her fury on what was left of the Goose Lord until he stirred no more.

— To be continued.

Tonight’s movie is 1999’s The Limey from director Steven Soderbergh. It stars Terence Stamp as a man named Wilson who travels to Los Angeles to investigate the possible murder of his daughter, Jenny (Melissa George). Jenny’s good friend Eduardo Roel (Luis Guzmán) reveals that Jenny was seeing a rich record producer named Terry Valentine, but that she died in a car accident leaving his house in the hills. It was a bad turn that broke her neck before her car went up in flames, but Wilson isn’t buying it. He suspects foul play and Eduardo reveals that Jenny confronted some shady characters at a warehouse that she suspected Terry had gotten involved with.

I must warn you that Wilson speaks in a kind of cockney slang that hasn’t been heard of since Swinging London in the 1960s. It’s kind of like listening to Donald Duck. At first it sounds like gibberish, but the more you hear it, the more you can make out what he’s saying. Also, you can forget about captions as my Artisan DVD from the late 90s has none. And no, there is no Blu-ray. Oh, it’s streaming Tubi. Isn’t everything?

Wilson makes his way to the warehouse and lets himself in by cutting a chain linked fence. The men at the warehouse don’t much care for his inquiries and it’s not long before guts are punched and heads are slammed. The big boss tells Wilson that Jenny had stopped by the warehouse, asking the goons what Terry Valentine’s involvement was with their operations. He then whispers to Wilson what he would have liked to have done to his daughter. Wilson knees him in the groin and the rest of the goons start beating the crap out of Wilson before dumping him outside. They warn him not to come back, but Wilson gets back on his feet, reaches for his gun, goes back inside the warehouse, and lights them all up. One of the goons escapes and Wilson says, “Tell him I’m coming!”

We’re then introduced to Terry Valentine, played by a laid back Peter Fonda who just oozes 1960s counterculture. I do see The Limey as a kind of a battle between two icons of the 1960s, one English and one American.

I was entranced by this movie, trying to figure out if Terry was behind the murder of Jenny because he’s just too charming for words. I feel like I could listen to him talk about the 1960s for hours. This makes it hard knowing who to root for. Not to worry. There are plenty of scummy goons standing between these two so you can enjoy their comeuppance at least. Be sure to check out The Limey. 

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, episode 575, episode 596, episode 597, episode 598, episode 599, episode 642, episode 643, episode 644, episode 645, episode 670, episode 686, episode 687,  688, and 689) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.