The Goose Lord laid dead at the feet of Edwige, my kangaroo companion from my misadventures in North America. 

“Edwige,” I said as she hopped over to me, unscathed from being tied to rail gun. I patted her on the back for a job well done. As we got our bearings, the banana van pulled up with Albert Simmons in the driver’s seat and the Revenging Manta, the ninja vigilante of downtown Orlando, in the passenger’s seat. The Revenging Manta tossed out the severed head of Goose Lord’s Enforcer. 

“Boy, do we have a story to tell you,” Albert Simmons said as I couldn’t believe the guy that turned us over to the mob was apparently helping us. My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of police sirens in the distance. 

“Get in,” Albert Simmons said and Edwige and I hopped in the back. We sped off not wanting to explain ourselves to the cops.

— To be continued. 

Tonight’s movie is 1995’s The Brady Bunch Movie from director Betty Thomas. I remember being quite hyped for this movie back in the day, but over the years it kind of slipped from my mind. It’s an odd one. The premise follows the Bradys, the family from the famous sitcom, still living as if it’s still the early 1970s even though it’s now the 1990s. Funny. I live as if I’m still living in the 1990s even though it’s the 2020s. Give me some SEGA Genesis games and some X-Files reruns and I’m good.

The basic premise of The Brady Bunch is a blended family that is formed after Mike Brady (Gary Cole) marries Carol Brady (Shelly Long). Carol had three girls with golden hair like their mother. Their names are Marcia (Christine Taylor), Jan (Jennifer Elise Cox), and Cindy (Olivia Hack). Mike has three boys of his own: Greg (Christopher Daniel Barnes), Peter (Paul Sutera), and Bobby (Jesse Lee Soffer). Together they form The Brady Bunch. Oh, and they have a maid named Alice (Henriette Mantel).

The plot of the movie involves a shady real estate developer named Larry Dittmeyer (Michael McKean) who wanted the Bradys to sell him their house so he can demolish the whole neighborhood, but Mike and Cindy won’t budge. When Mike finds out he has a past due house tax bill (somehow orchestrated by Dittmeyer), the Bradys need to come up with that money soon or they’ll lose the house. Naturally, there will be a talent show at the end of the movie with a $20,000 dollar award so the Bradys can strut their stuff. 

The movie highlights several highlights from the original sitcom such as Marcia getting smacked in the face with a football or Peter standing up to the school bully. The standout is Jan’s ongoing obsession with her sister Marcia and how perfect she is. It gets so bad that Jan starts hearing voices in her head and she eventually runs away from home only to end up on the mean streets of LA. Don’t worry. This doesn’t turn into Hardcore or anything.

I still think this is a fun ride though I wonder if the 90s references are now as dated as the 70s references. You even get cameos by Davy Jones, Florence Henderson, and RuPaul!

What more could you possibly want?

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, episode 575, episode 596, episode 597, episode 598, episode 599, episode 642, episode 643, episode 644, episode 645, episode 670, episode 686, episode 687,  688, and 689) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.