In Boozo Veritas #15 by Teege Braune

The Drunken Odyssey with John King, Episode 72:

The Liner Notes

The Drunken Odyssey with John King is your favorite podcast about creative writing and literature. Last Tuesday I was honored to be invited by John to take part in episode 72 with fellow local writers Dianne Turgeon Richardson and Matt Peters, who is the man behind Orlando-based publishing house Beating Windward Press. What literary subject could John have possibly needed my expertise to discuss? Drinking, of course. And how should one discuss drinking? While drinking, naturally.

The four of us gathered at the clubhouse of John’s condo where an important meeting was taking place, so we were subsequently relegated to a hot, cramped back room that was still decorated for Halloween. The walls were entirely black and covered with drawings of skulls and messages of death scrawled along them, but every writer worth her grit knows that literature isn’t about comfort, nor for that matter, is drinking. John initiated our union by mixing together equal parts white rum, dark rum, orange juice, pineapple juice, and more than a splash of grenadine into a pitcher large enough to quench the thirst of an entire little league team.

The concoction known as Intergalactic Polynesian Luau Punch was atomic red, contained enough sugar to send Cookie Monster into a diabetic coma, and entered literary posterity for keeping us well quaffed throughout the night (assuming we all become celebrated writers).

I was hesitant to listen to the resulting podcast for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it has been said on more than one occasion that I like to hear the sound of my own voice. If this is so (it probably is), it only pertains to my voice as it comes out of my mouth. Once recorded and played back to me, I rather hate the sound of my own voice. I know I’m not alone in this hangup. Hearing your own voice tends to be equivalent to seeing your own distorted image in a fun house mirror, and then cringing as you realize there’s nothing wrong with the mirror at all; you actually look that way.

Teege Braune channels Donald Duck

Secondly, bouts of drinking were not meant to be documented. Foggy recollections, exaggerated tales: these are the only ways drinking binges should be remembered. It is why drunks obsessively try to get those around them to have another drink. A recording device is not only stone-cold sober, it also has been blessed with an infallible memory and a tendency to create scandals for people like former presidents and celebrities. Fortunately, John, Dianne, Matt, and I are neither of these things.

Dianne Turgeon Richardson, future politician

Nevertheless, we each harbor our own sense of pride and threshold for humiliation. Anyway, the podcast is certainly not as incriminating as the video of me at twenty-three having consumed a great deal of bourbon and wearing a bikini, and we can all thank Bacchus for that.

The podcast speaks for itself, as podcasts tend to do. Though I would like to point out, if you didn’t notice already, what an absolute champion drinker our illustrious host John King proved to be. Matt got pretty silly before he was half finished with his first glass, and I followed close behind. Dianne held her own pretty well, but even she was stumbling over her words and dropping casual F-bombs by the end of it. John, on the other hand, drank his portion of the Intergalactic Luau Punch in stride. He unsuccessfully attempted to keep us focused while we went off on strange rants. I’m still not sure why he expected a group of drunks to stay on topic.

Baudelaire speaks

Never once did he slur his words or embarrass himself by blubbering on whilst trying to remember where he was and what the hell he was doing there. I can’t say the same thing for myself, but then again, I don’t think John invited me to be the resident teetotaler.

Lastly, my apologies to Ryan Rivas for his inclusion in the discussion. John promised to edit out anything that was inappropriate. He lied.

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Teege Braune (episode 72) is a writer of literary fiction, horror, essays, and poetry. Recently he has discovered the joys of drinking responsibly. He may or may not be a werewolf.