Heroes Never Rust #74: Knowing Yourself

31 Wednesday Dec 2014

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Comic Books, Heroes Never Rust, Memoir

Tags

Carol Danvers, Kamala Khan, Ms. Marvel, sean ironman

Heroes Never Rust #74 by Sean Ironman

Knowing Yourself

Ms. Marvel finishes out its first story arc with the fifth issue. Kamala Khan finally gains confidence and control over her superpowers and no longer shifts her body to look like Carol Danvers. She becomes her own superhero and storms back into the villain’s lair and kicks ass. It took five issues, but Kamala learned that she’s perfect just the way she is. Her father tells her, “You don’t have to be someone else to impress anybody.” At first, I was disappointed in the ending. Kamala coming into her own. It seemed too simple. Yah! Kamala figured out who she was. Yah! But, I was also comforted by the ending. It may have been a bit simple and straightforward, but I felt happy and at peace with seeing Kamala learn who she is. I was torn between wanting something that was more complicated, more real, and getting something that made me feel good.

And, I thought, Who am I?

Sean Ironman. A New Yorker, who grew up in Florida and lives in central Arkansas. A reader. A writer. An artist. A man who says he hates people, and yet spends his time working in a field communicating with others and works on putting on community events. A man who says he loves dogs but has none. A college professor who tells his students to drop out of college and that academics suck. An essayist who wants to be a fiction writer and screenwriter, but in his spare time, only works on essays. A non-religious man who fears God. A man who came to Starbucks to write on Christmas Eve to escape family and who can’t keep his eyes off the beautiful barista.

It’s the end of the year now, and I feel like I am lesser that what I was at the beginning of the year, even though I have accomplished so much more. Perhaps the holiday season has depressed me. Perhaps. But, as I grow older, I believe that I have no idea who I am, who I was, or what I want (other than the barista).

The other day, I went drinking with my brother and sister. We are not close, but we get along well enough to make me wonder why we are not close. My brother hates Christmas, and my sister and I have searched for new traditions since our parents divorced, and we discovered this year that my brother is more than happy to make a holiday trip to a bar our new tradition. They said that I was an angry child, that our parents were afraid I would go to jail. For what, I do not know. Assault, perhaps. This revelation shocked me. When I think of my childhood, I am alone, or with my boxer, Jade. I am playing with G.I. Joes or reading comics. I preferred solitary activities. Even when friends wanted to play, I would decline to be by myself. My family remembers me as an agitator, someone who could not be controlled, someone who would not listen to reason. A couple years ago, my father said that among his children, I was the one he could not bribe. If I didn’t want to do something, I just wouldn’t. I was also the one to be spanked the most, punished the most. I remember so little of this that it scares me as a memoirist that I may be lying without realizing it. I think of myself as an easy-going man, a man who helps his family and friends, but perhaps that is only the dream version of me and I am something else entirely. Are we who we think we are or are we what others think of us?

Yesterday, I sat in the wrestling room at my old high school as the team practiced. My father, uncle, and brother are wrestling coaches. I wrestled for seven years and quit my junior year of high school. A couple of people who were around back when I was on the team spoke about what they considered to be my greatest match. It was against our rival, St. Thomas, and with the stands filled with screaming spectators, I went out onto the mat first and pinned my opponent and changed the feel of the night for the crowd.

No one seems to remember what I consider to be my greatest match. It was my first as varsity and I was knocked unconscious for a few seconds—something the ref didn’t notice—and I woke and came back and won in the final seconds of the match. That is the match worth remembering, but only I view it that way.

After practice, I went to Target with my dad and we ran into two of my friends from high school, Joe and Meryn. I haven’t seem them in over a decade. They started dating in the final weeks of high school—I had a crush on Meryn at the time—and now they are married with three children. Joe looked tired and beaten, like a horrifying ghost of what I could have been. Perhaps it was just Christmas shopping with three kids (one of whom ran off down the store, which ended our brief reunion) that made him resemble an extra from The Walking Dead, but perhaps that’s just his look now. Before his daughter escaped towards the toys, Joe patted my arm and said I looked twice as big as when he last saw me. I said nothing, not knowing what to say, and it probably came off as if I had no interest in catching up with my old friend.

In high school, I wrestled in the 103 weight class. If I wrestled today, I would be in the heavyweight class. Although I could afford to lose a few pounds (or thirty), I’m taller and more muscular than I once was. My father was surprised anyone could recognize me from high school. But, I don’t think of myself as being a big man. Never. I grew up small and I still think of myself as a small person. A woman recently texted me (as part of a longer conversation) that I was a big, strong man, and at first, I thought she was making fun of me, but I realized I am a big guy and she was most likely just pointing out the obvious.

As I get older, I find that I have none of the values that I had as a child, or a teenager, or even from my early twenties. Hell, even from January. In the fifth grade, I remember sitting in class, staring at a cute girl, and not understanding how men could be mean to women. I heard how men mistreated their girlfriends and wives, and I just didn’t get it. I decided that I would never be like that. I set values for dating, for women. Yet, now I look back on my relationships as an adult and I’ve been deliberately cruel to each girlfriend. I knew at the time I was treating them wrong and I still did it. I became the asshole that I never thought I could become.

I don’t say that to be hard on myself or out of some kind of penance for a regret. I say that because I understand that I was and that anyone could be. We tend to think of ourselves as better that we truly are, I think. Even the beliefs I once held that weren’t really about being a good person have long been forgotten. For example, sex. I always figured I would have sex before marriage, but I always believed I would have sex only with women who I would be dating at the time. A week ago, I made out with a woman at a strip club (not a stripper). I never thought I’d be the type of guy who’d go to a strip club, much less make out with a woman at one. After the club, I spent the night with the woman, and in the morning, she woke sober and regretted what she had done. And although my self-confidence was damaged, I just kind of shrugged and went about my day.

I believe I have finally given up on trying to hold onto a view of myself. I find that I am a man of contradictions. A man who is seen differently than he feels. And I think that’s normal. I think that’s what is going on with everyone. The beliefs I have today will change or just be forgotten. I don’t regret losing the values and beliefs that I once had. It’s a natural part of life.

I don’t think it’s change, though. I don’t think I’ve changed. Can we ever really change, meaningfully change? I used to view myself as one man, and I discovered I was a different one. Every year, that’s what I go through. I don’t change. I just discover new things about myself, about the world. I no longer think of myself as a fully realized individual. Instead, I believe I am just this mass, this body of water in which things flow into and out of.

I no longer think it’s possible to ever truly know ourselves. Countless times throughout my life, I’ve done things that shocked me. And I’m not just talking about bad things. A month ago, I won my first writing contest, but in the sixth grade I got a D in English. I wasn’t a writer when I was growing up, but I am now. Will I be in ten years? Maybe, maybe not. I think of myself as a funny, goofy person, but many of my friends make comments about me saying that I’m depressed or dark or angry.

Maybe I write nonfiction to discover myself. Maybe that’s why I’ll always write nonfiction—I’ll never know myself. Maybe that’s why I like comics like Ms. Marvel, why I find comfort in the fifth issue even though I find the issue too simplistic. Maybe that’s why we all get attached to these origin stories of superheroes coming into their own. Spider-Man. Superman. Batman. Ms. Marvel. It’s a kind of wish fulfillment. Life is too complicated—we are too complicated—to ever truly understand completely. We’ll never know our friends, our lovers, ourselves. But, I can be placed in Ms. Marvel’s shoes and see the world as she sees it. I can feel her self-confidence in who she is. Knowing what she is capable of and what she will never do. Perhaps that accomplishment is the most fictional aspect of the superhero tale. These fictional characters can have a set identity. Writers can change them, to an extent, but Peter Parker will remain Peter Parker. Kamala Khan will forever be Kamala Khan. And readers can find some peace from the confusion of their lives and identities in these fictions.

_______

Photo by John King

Sean Ironman (Episode 102) earned his MFA at the University of Central Florida. Currently, he teaches creative nonfiction and digital media at the University of Central Arkansas as a visiting professor. His work can be read in The Writer’s Chronicle, Redivider, and Breakers: A Comics Anthology, among others.

Heroes Never Rust #72: Fattening the Story

17 Wednesday Dec 2014

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Comic Books, Craft of Fiction Writing, Heroes Never Rust

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Kamala Khan, Ms. Marvel, Terrigen Mists

Heroes Never Rust #72 by Sean Ironman

Fattening the Story

When I took Introduction to Creative Writing when I was an undergraduate in college, I was taught that everything in a story had to be there for a reason. I had to interrogate each word, and every one had to characterize and move the plot along. Stories had to be tight. I was taught to start as late into the scene, as close to the climax, as I could. Now that I am a writing professor, I teach my students the same lesson. But, I have my doubts. Students are too quick to get to the next scene, to get to the point or the meaning that they are working toward. Perhaps it’s because I mainly write creative nonfiction, which contains a lot of searching and meandering instead of a strict, tight story, but I find that there’s a lot of fat on good stories. I read students’ stories and essays and I find that one of the main problems is that they don’t allow a story to breath. The world doesn’t seem real, even in nonfiction. In my opinion, adding details that may not be crucial to the story allows the story to seem more real.

By the third issue of Ms. Marvel, the general idea has been set and the characters have been introduced. Kamala Khan has gained superpowers and has difficulty controlling them, which causes her to transform into Carol Danvers, the ex-Ms. Marvel and current Captain Marvel. Now, the comic must expand on Kamala’s world. Unlike a short story or a novel, most comics from Marvel or DC are designed to exist for years with more and more stories. Even if Ms. Marvel were cancelled tomorrow, the characters could appear in other comics because most of what Marvel publishes exists in the same universe.

One way a comic book could add details about the world is by placing those details in the background. Years ago, I read an article by an editor at Marvel Comics (I have since forgotten which editor), and he gave tips on artwork in a comic. One of the big tips was to not forget about the background. Many beginner artists keep background details to a minimum, but the background can help strengthen world-building and choreography in action scenes. In Ms. Marvel #3, background details are used for humor and for characterization. On the opening page, Kamala eats breakfast and watches a news story about her rescue of Zoe Zimmer in the last issue. The world thinks Carol Danvers was there, not knowing of Kamala. The cereal box in the corner of the page is GM-O’s: Tasty Cereal. On the side of the box is a blurb that reads, “Listen to your gut not the lawsuits.” The cereal box is completely unnecessary. It never comes into play, but it’s a little joke to help set the tone. In comics, creators can get away with details like this one because a reader who is interested in just the plot can read the dialogue and turn the page. Readers who want to take in everything the comic has to offer can meander on the page and catch the background joke.

The background can contain elements other than jokes. In the first issue, the Terrigen Mists transformed Kamala and gave her superpowers. While the mists are a part of other comics, in Ms. Marvel, they are given very little explanation. Basically, it’s foggy and Kamala gets superpowers. The story, rightfully so, focuses on Kamala rather than the mystery of the mists. But, it would be odd to never mention the mists again. So, the mist mystery is mentioned through the background elements. On page two, a bare-footed homeless man, holds up a sign on a street corner that reads, “Fear the mist.” Then, on the third page, Kamala types on her computer, and in the background are newspaper clippings on her wall about the mist. “Dr. Shinoz: Manhattan Mist Poses Medical Risk.” “Mist takes Manhattan.” “Mist 2014: Public Seeks Answers.” By making the mist a mystery in Kamala’s world, the creators get to have their cake and eat it too. They show the readers that they haven’t forgotten, that it is intentional and they are in control of the story, while not having to spend most of the first story arc on the mists. Characters receive the focus, not the plot device. Intentionality is everything. Writers can do pretty much whatever they want as long as it’s intentional. Years ago, writer David James Poissant taught me that each story obeys its own rules, and it’s the writer’s job to set up the rules for the story at the beginning. In creative writing, there aren’t really rules, only things that work and things that don’t work. But, readers want to feel that the writer is in control. By placing information on the mists in the background, the creators of Ms. Marvel show readers that they are in control of their story, lay the groundwork for a possible future story arc, and show readers that Kamala is interested in what is happening to her body.

Details can go much further than just background information, of course. At the end of the issue, Kamala gets back out there being a superhero and tries to stop a robbery at a convenience store where her friend, Bruno, works. Like in many superhero stories, the superhero fails or gets hurt when starting out. Kamala gets shot in the gut by the thief. While the issue leaves off with her on the floor and holding her stomach as she bleeds out, I think I can safely say that the main character will not die three issues into the book. Her injury is a learning experience. But, what makes the scene more complicated than the usual superhero injury scene is that the thief is Bruno’s brother. He needs the money to pay someone named the Inventor. Earlier in the issue, Bruno’s brother asked Bruno to just take cash from the register, but Bruno wouldn’t. His brother didn’t know Bruno would be working at the time he robbed the place. He didn’t even know his gun was loaded. Of course, he still shot Kamala, but the thief not being random and just being a high school kid in a tough situation allows the reader to feel empathy for the boy. It will also add a layer to Kamala learning to be a superhero. Not all villains are evil.

I heard long ago that there are only seven basic plots to all stories. Someone once told me it was only three. But, there aren’t that many, regardless of whether it’s three or five or seven. The details change the readers’ experience. It’s not enough to just focus on what’s crucial to the plot. The world and its characters need to breath, need to feel real. To do that, sometimes it takes meandering and giving details that aren’t entirely necessary, at least to the plot. I agree that everything should have a purpose, but that purpose might just be in the meandering. In order to create character-driven stories, writers need to let those characters interact with the world and move away from stripping details away. Hopefully, those students beginning their careers can understand that.

_______

Photo by John King

Heroes Never Rust #71: Ms. Marvel vs. Possibly Offensive Imagery

10 Wednesday Dec 2014

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Comic Books, Heroes Never Rust

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Heroes Never Rust, Kamala Khan, Marvel, Ms. Marvel, sean ironman, Willow Wilson

Heroes Never Rust #71 by Sean Ironman

Ms. Marvel vs. Possibly Offensive Imagery

In the first issue of Ms. Marvel, the Terrigen Mists were released and when Kamala Khan came into contact with the mists, she gained superpowers and transformed into Ms. Marvel, a blonde-haired, blue-eyed member of the Avengers. Kamala looked up to Ms. Marvel and wanted to be an Avenger, so when she gained the power to transform herself, she understandably went with Ms. Marvel, not having control over her new ability. This could be problematic if not handled carefully. Acquiring superpowers, especially for the lead in a superhero comic book, usually allows the person to become great. Even if the hero isn’t liked by many people (Spider-Man, for example), the reader relates to the character. And, let’s face it, kids want to be that superhero. Having a Muslim, brown-skinned girl turn into a character who is basically a model for the Aryan race is not the message the writer, or Marvel (now owned by Disney), wants to send. Telling girls that in order to be a superhero, they have to become light-skinned, tall, and blonde is probably the most offensive thing the comic could do.

But.

Willow Wilson, the writer, uses the idea of having to become someone else to be a superhero to provide conflict for Kamala. First, the idea that Kamala turns into Carol Danvers (Ms. Marvel) works to make Kamala relatable to readers. Even if a reader doesn’t like Carol Danvers (which is insane. How could someone not like her?), someone reading a superhero comic likes a superhero. The reader might like Captain America, or Iron Man, or Maggot. It doesn’t matter. Everyone reading Ms. Marvel can relate to Kamala because readers of superhero comics like at least one superhero, if not many. Even if the reader can’t relate to Kamala’s other life experiences, her idolizing of Carol Danvers gives the reader a way in to the character.

What saves the comic from being offensive is that Kamala is not comfortable with being Carol Danvers and rejects her new body. “I always thought that if I had amazing hair, if I could pull off great boots, if I could fly—that would make me feel strong. That would make me happy. But the hair gets in my face, the boots pinch, and this leotard is giving me an epic wedgie.” If the comic didn’t comment on Kamala’s new body, it would be offensive. But, it uses the new body as a source of conflict for Kamala. The character grew up like many of us. We can’t be superheroes because we’re not strong enough, not fast enough, not tall enough. Everyone at some point in their life has talked themselves out of doing something because of who they are. Kamala never thought she could be a superhero because she never saw one that was like her. In the dream sequence from the first issue, she imagines herself as Carol Danvers. Even in her dreams, she can’t be herself and save the day.

Though she hates the new body, and can’t really figure out how to return to normal at first, she realizes that what made her happy was that she saved another human being. “Maybe putting on a costume doesn’t make you brave. Maybe it’s something else.” The comic doesn’t ignore the fact that most superheroes are white and look like models. Not understanding that something could be offensive and ignoring it makes it worse. And, quite honestly, makes the writer look bad, like he or she didn’t really analyze the story being told. Wilson avoids falling into those traps because she has taken a hard look at comics today and understands where Kamala Khan fits in. She’s able to use Kamala’s specific characteristics to both make the character unique and seemingly universal. The second issue ends with Kamala looking at the Ms. Marvel poster she has in her bedroom and making the same pose. This time, however she stays in her own body.

_______

Photo by John King

Heroes Never Rust #70: The Next Great American Hero

03 Wednesday Dec 2014

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Comic Books, Heroes Never Rust

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Heroes Never Rust, Kamala Khan, Ms. Marvel, sean ironman

Heroes Never Rust #70 by Sean Ironman

The Next Great American Hero

Many decades ago, comic book creators figured out certain characteristics a comic book superhero needs to attract an audience. No matter how much power a character has or how many successes they earn, a superhero is an outsider. Superman is popular, but Clark Kent isn’t. Bruce Wayne is rich and successful, but he doesn’t fit in as Batman, who is even an outsider in superhero groups. The Fantastic Four are celebrities, but they constantly have money problems and stay in the tower. Peter Parker is bullied, and even as Spider-Man, he is hunted by the police. I don’t know whether the outsider characteristic is because creators have found most people who read comics think of himself or herself as an outsider, or if everyone just thinks of themselves as outsiders. Whatever it is, when a new character is created, he or she is usually an outsider.

The specifics of being an outsider change, though. Showing readers a billionaire who kicks ass at night might not work as well today as it did with Batman because of the ever-increasing class inequality. Even Peter Parker wouldn’t be an outsider today. Yes, he’s a nerd, but that’s not too bad anymore with computer nerds getting rich. I mean, c’mon, he was married to a model for many years. Peter Parker has become cool. In the mid-twentieth century, outsiders were people who were to themselves. They were people who had few friends, if any, and weren’t interested in the same things as their peers. Loners. Now, though, the culture has gotten so diverse. I don’t know whether it’s the rise of Psychology or the internet or whatever, and I don’t really care. But being a loner doesn’t mean as much as it used to. (Or perhaps that’s just me, a loner, no longer caring). So what’s the outsider of today that a comic creator can use for a new character?

Enter Kamala Khan, the new female superhero of Ms. Marvel.

Let’s face it, women are outsiders. It’s how the world is. Just look at this whole controversy with Bill Cosby. Nineteen women have come forward, at the time of writing this post, since 1965 and accused him of sexual assault. And what has he suffered? Production on his new show shut down? The “controversy” has devolved into whether these women are truthful or not. Women are not respected by our society. In a personal essay I recently finished, I used a character called Dr. Smith, a woman. After introducing the character by Dr. Smith, I used “her” to refer to “her gloves.” A person who agreed to critique the essay, a woman, said she was confused for a moment because the doctor was female and suggested that I say she’s a woman before referring to “her gloves.” I did not make that change. I don’t see why a doctor has to be specifically introduced as a woman, as if it’s an oddity for a woman to be a doctor.

There are other female characters, however. But, what about Muslim superheroes? I guess Grant Morrison introduced Dust in his run on New X-Men. But, a Muslim woman as a main character for a superhero comic? I can’t think of any. And, let’s face another fact. Ever since the September 11 tragedy, many Americans have not thought fondly about Muslims. Even recently, actor Ben Affleck (the former cinematic Daredevil and future cinematic Batman) got into a heated disagreement with Bill Maher on Maher’s HBO show, Real Time, because Maher argued that Islam is too often a religion of violence.

Now, sometimes, to be honest, I get tired of the effect political correctness has on storytelling. If the comic just focused on Kamala’s gender and religion, there would be a problem. That, to me, would be offensive. But, it doesn’t. Of course, the comic refers to her religion and she is clearly drawn as a teenage girl, those characteristics are used the same as Peter Parker’s nerdy traits—she is made to be an outsider. But, from that point, she is depicted as a capable young woman who is good at heart. Her religion and gender make her a real person, but the comic doesn’t rely on them to keep the reader’s interests. Honestly, this is the best new comic I’ve read since Hawkeye. Kamala is written to make her accessible to the audience. Everyone, or at least comic book readers, feel as if they are outsiders. In the first issue, Kamala deals with her bossy parents. She sneaks out of her house to go to a party. She loves superheroes. And when someone is in trouble, Kamala goes to save them, not thinking of herself. She reminds me of early Peter Parker. The cover of the first issue allows readers to hold it up to their own faces so that they too can be Ms. Marvel. I have seen countless photographs of children (and even adults) of all backgrounds doing this. The specifics of her character make her interesting, but her thoughts and desires make her relatable. Readers don’t have to have the same background as the character to follow that character on an adventure.

As you can probably tell by my photo below, I am a white male. I have heard other white males say that they don’t believe a superhero could do certain things because the superhero is a woman. I shit you not. Maybe companies like Marvel and DC think that all white males think that same way.

I guess I can only speak for myself, but I want my heroes like Kamala. Her character is a perfect balance between emotions I can relate to and a story that is not my own. In my creative nonfiction workshop, I tell my students nearly every week that they don’t have to agree with an author’s thoughts on life. I tell them that agreeing does not make the essay good and having a different opinion does not make the essay bad. I prefer to read about lives other than my own. I don’t want to read about my life. I live it. Why would I waste time reading about me?

_______

Photo by John King