The Lists #19 by Brett Pribble
It’s kind of sad to watch everyone from my village drown, but it’s sweet to be able to say I told you so.
Still annoyed that I couldn’t get the unicorns on the arc in time.
Sometimes I wonder why my family is the only one on earth that didn’t deserve to drown horribly. Then I remember that I’m God’s favorite and laugh all night.
Definitely should have built an extra room to contain the mounds of excrement. These hippos are abominations.
Rain’s stopped, but the earth is still flooded. Should have packed more food.
Not sure how I’m still breathing since all plant life on earth has been destroyed, but I’m high as a kite.
Just realized that in order to repopulate the earth my kids will need to lay with one another. Not a good day to be a dad.
It’s amazing how friendly cobras can be when you pet them.
Lions are getting a little restless. Sure hope they don’t eat the dodo birds. I’d hate for them to go extinct.
Looking into the water, it occurs to me that when God wiped out every living creature, he forgot that some creatures could swim. Oh, well.
God made a rainbow to let us know he won’t kill everyone again with a flood. Sure hope this half-circle of colorful purity is never twisted to symbolize anything else.
Brett Pribble teaches writing courses in Orlando, Florida. He’s afraid of sharks and often isn’t sure whether or not he’s dreaming. He was previously published in Saw Palm, The Molotov Cocktail, and 10,000 Tons of Black Ink.