The Lists #19 by Brett Pribble

Noah’s Log

Day 1

It’s kind of sad to watch everyone from my village drown, but it’s sweet to be able to say I told you so.

Day 17

Still annoyed that I couldn’t get the unicorns on the arc in time.

Day 35

Sometimes I wonder why my family is the only one on earth that didn’t deserve to drown horribly. Then I remember that I’m God’s favorite and laugh all night.

Day 40

Definitely should have built an extra room to contain the mounds of excrement. These hippos are abominations.

Day 72

Rain’s stopped, but the earth is still flooded. Should have packed more food.

Day 98

Not sure how I’m still breathing since all plant life on earth has been destroyed, but I’m high as a kite.

Day 113

Just realized that in order to repopulate the earth my kids will need to lay with one another. Not a good day to be a dad.

Day 126

It’s amazing how friendly cobras can be when you pet them.

Day 136

Lions are getting a little restless. Sure hope they don’t eat the dodo birds. I’d hate for them to go extinct.

Day 145

Looking into the water, it occurs to me that when God wiped out every living creature, he forgot that some creatures could swim. Oh, well.

Day 151

God made a rainbow to let us know he won’t kill everyone again with a flood. Sure hope this half-circle of colorful purity is never twisted to symbolize anything else.

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Brett Pribble teaches writing courses in Orlando, Florida. He’s afraid of sharks and often isn’t sure whether or not he’s dreaming. He was previously published in Saw Palm, The Molotov Cocktail, and 10,000 Tons of Black Ink.