The Curator of Schlock #175 by Jeff Shuster

Resident Evil: Extinction

It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine. 

It would seem that the zombie apocalypse that I thought was averted at the end of Resident Evil: Apocalypse is in full swing at the beginning of Resident Evil: Extinction. The evil Umbrella Corporation failed to contain the T-virus.

And you know what? I’m glad.

There’s nothing like an American wasteland filled with flesh hungry corpses to pique my interest. This movie seems to cater to all my interests. We’ve got zombies, mutants, killer birds, maniac punks, clones, a psionic woman warrior, and Ali Larter. What more can you ask for in a movie? 

Resident Evil: Extinction begins with Alice (Milla Jovovich) waking up naked on the floor of a shower just like she did in the first movie. She evens puts on that same red evening dress. Alice wanders around that same creepy mansion from the first movie. She makes her way through a series of traps before getting gunned down by an automatic turret. It’s like something out of a video game. A few Umbrella scientists led by the evil Dr. Isaacs (Iain Glen) retrieve her corpse and dump the body outside where there are dozens of other dead Alice clones littered about. The scientists then go to their underground lab since they’re fenced in by hoards of hungry zombies on the surface. Good thing they have a helicopter.

The evil Dr. Isaacs attends a holographic boardroom meeting with the head members of Umbrella, including the evil chairman Albert Wesker (Jason O’Mara). Dr. Isaacs claims he can come up with a new virus from the blood of those Alice clones that will domesticate the zombies. The Umbrella Corporation likes the idea of a docile workforce. They wouldn’t even have to pay the zombies minimum wage. Just toss them a Slim Jim once in awhile and they’ll be fine. He tries the new virus on a particularly violent zombie and the zombie calms right down.

The zombie uses a cell phone and even takes a couple of photos of the scientists, but the virus quickly wears off and the zombie eats the observing scientists. Dr. Isaacs needs the original Alice to perfect this new virus.

The original Alice has been roaming the zombie wasteland for years now, avoiding the detection of the Umbrella Corporation’s satellites by keeping off the grid. She tries to help people when she can, but they usually turn out to be Death Wish-style punks that want to do bad things to her. Meanwhile, there’s a caravan of survivors led by the fiercely beautiful Claire Redfield (Ali Larter). Along for the ride are Carlos Oliveira (Oded Fehr) and L.J. Wade (Mike Epps) from Resident Evil: Apocalypse. We’ve also got a nurse named Betty (Ashanti), a cowboy named Chase (Linden Ashby), a girl named K-Mart (Spencer Locke), and a bus full of orphaned children.

Alice reunites with her friends after saving them from a bunch of infected, killer crows with her newfound psionic powers. That’s right! Alice is a Scanner.

What else?

There’s a fight in Vegas with some Umbrella super zombies. Carlos sacrifices himself for the good of the group by driving a gasoline tanker into a hoard of zombies and then lighting up some dynamite. Woah!

Alice dukes it out telekinetically with a mutated psionic zombified Dr. Isaacs. A computer called the White Queen (another creepy English girl) slices and dices Dr. Isaacs with a laser. Alice discovers an army of Alice clones, which she plans to lead against the Umbrella Corporation. Chairman Wesker will pay! Until next week. Same psionic zombie time, same psionic zombie channel.

Jeffrey Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, and episode 131) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.