The Perfect Life #43 by Dr. Perfect

Dear Doctor Perfect,

Why does the self-checkout at Walmart ask people to donate money? We’re obviously there because we have no money. Make it make sense!

Poor and Peeved


 Dear P&P,

Charity solicitations abound. Things started simply enough with Girl Scout Cookies and Salvation Army buckets outside supermarkets. Now, I can’t even get carton of eggs without being pressed to cough up a few bucks for the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

DI donate to select organizations and have the endless junk mail to prove it. But that’s all from the privacy of my own home. I shouldn’t be guilted into donating when stocking up on champagne and caviar for my next orgy.

Speaking of charity, I was in the pet store the other day, buying cat food for my elderly neighbor’s twenty cats.

She can’t move around much, and I gladly help her out with errands when I can. At checkout, I was asked if I wanted to donate a dollar or more to a pet charity. A pet charity! I am already doing that, you swine.

In the 1980s, all you needed was a white blazer, neon T-shirt, and Pontiac Firebird to prove you were a person of worth. Filling up your tank today is akin to Rockefeller status. My American Express card was declined recently, if you can believe it. I was trying to commission an ice sculpture for my annual advice columnist soirée. And I’m expected to give more?

Non-profit charities rely on donations to function, which makes it more difficult for them during times of economic uncertainty. I guess we can’t blame them for trying.

Nor can we blame the Walton family for trolling customers for their corporate tax-deductions. They need to prep for the coming economic apocalypse in which they battle with Amazon for the corporate megastate world order. It’s incumbent upon us to choose sides now.

Consider starting your own charity to counter the heavyweights.

And don’t forget to donate to your favorite podcast’s website.

Dr. Perfect has slung advice across the globe for the last two decades due to his dedication to the uplift of the human condition.