I was feeling rather unsure of myself as I wandered around the fourth floor of The Museum of Schlock in the middle of the night without my kangaroo companion to protect me. As I made my way to The Beyond exhibit, I could see gang members dragging the slack body of the Revenging Manta, the ninja vigilante of downtown Orlando, into the exhibit. If I was to save my friend and restore The Museum of Schlock to its former glory, I had to take decisive action. — To be continued.

Happy Valentine’s Day from the Museum of Schlock. I’m picking a romantic movie this time around, trying to get some class on my humble blog. This week’s movie is 1946’s The Postman Always Rings Twice from director Tay Garnett. Don’t expect any postmen to show up in this movie. You don’t get the significance of that title until the end of the movie. So just forget about the postman.

John Garfield plays Frank Chamber, a drifter who gets a job as a fry cook at a greasy spoon/gas station named Twin Oaks. The proprietor of the establishment is an old man named Nick who’s a bit of a shrub, but pleasant enough. Frank takes a shine to Nick’s young wife, Cora (Lana Turner) because she’s Lana Turner. And we in the audience feel Cora is being wasted on a shrubby old man who likes to play the banjo and pinch any penny he can.

Frank and Cora have a torrid affair behind her husband’s back and the two of them get the idea of running away together. Of course, Cora realizes that Frank has no money and she likes having a roof over her head. So they go back to Nick’s, but then they figure they can just bump Nick off and take his money.

This doesn’t go according to plan.

Cora had originally planned to clock Nick over the head and blame it on a fall in the bathtub, but naturally a cat causes a power outage, getting juiced while sitting on a steel ladder. Nick is only seriously injured, but since a cop was nosing about right before she tried murdering her husband, Cora calls the hospital, hoping that Nick will pull through so any suspicion of foul play goes away.

Nick pulls through, but decides to sell the Twin Oaks to a competitor so he and Cora can go take care of his paralyzed sister up in Canada. Cora protests, but Nick tells her that she’ll thank him someday for ruining her life. It’s not long before Frank and Cora concoct another murder scheme. Nick gets good and drunk one night and Cora and Frank try to stage a fatal car accident that could be explained by drunk driving. Nick dies, but the local district attorney is on to their scheming and so a trial commences. 

I guess I got through this movie kind of conflicted. Yeah, murder is wrong, but no one was going to miss Nick and his stupid banjo playing and his stupid greasy spoon. I think Cora deserved a happy ending because she’s Lana Turner, but there’s no real justice in this world. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, episode 575, episode 596, episode 597, episode 598, and episode 599) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.