Where was I? Right. A few punks were messing around with a corpse I had on display in my exhibit of Lucio Fulci’s The Beyond at the Museum of Schlock. They removed the spikes that attached the corpse to a facsimile of a basement wall. With no more support, the corpse slumped to the ground. The punk in the ski mask began to prod it with his foot. 

“That thing smells like old beef jerky,” he said, kneeling down to take a closer look. The rest of the group took the unconscious body of the Revenging Manta, the ninja vigilante of downtown Orlando, and pressed him up against the wall. I started to suspect they were going to crucify him to the wall.

— To be continued.

Tonight’s movie is 1986’s Killer Party from director William Fruet. The movie begins with a sad family attending the funeral of their mother. The pastor rambles on about The Wizard of Oz before closing out the service. The woman’s daughter wants to stay behind so she can berate the corpse in private, but the coffin opens up and a dead hand pulls her inside. Next, the coffin is lowered into an underground crematorium where the undertaker is too preoccupied with his Sony Walkman to hear the screams of the woman as she’s burned alive.

Next, we see a young girl and her boyfriend sitting in their car at a drive-in and watching a horror movie, the same one we just saw the coffin scene from.

Fake out!

The boyfriend is putting the moves on his date, but she scampers off after popcorn. The concessions shop is abandoned so she helps herself to a big tub of popcorn. Coming back to her boyfriend’s car, he is nowhere to be seen. She munches on some popcorn while watching the rest of the movie. She doesn’t notice the rabid face of her boyfriend, drooling and spitting blood right before he attacks her through the car window.

I was beginning to think this was a zombie movie akin to David Cronenberg’s Rabid, but the scene morphs into a music video by the hard rock band White Sister. We then see some college girls watching this music video on their TV getting ready for pledge night at a sorority they hope to get into.

Another fake out! What’s with this movie? Can you stop changing gears every five minutes? What is this? David Lynch’s Mulhullond Drive?

The three pledges are Vivia (Sherry Willis-Burch), Jennifer (Joanna Johnson), and Phoebe (Elaine Wilkes). Pledges are named Goats and they have to do everything that their sisters tell them to do. There’s also an April Fool’s Day taking place at an abandoned fraternity house where one of the pledges was killed twenty years ago. It was an accident involving a guillotine. I’m sure his ghost won’t possess one of the students to go on a murder rampage the night of the party. I’m just fooling. Of course his ghost will possess one of the students to go on a murder rampage the night of the party.

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, episode 575, episode 596, episode 597, episode 598, and episode 599) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.