I was trying my best to stir the Revenging Manta, the ninja vigilante of downtown Orlando, to consciousness. He groaned.

“Come on, man,” I said. “Get it together. Orlando needs you!” 

As I shook the Revenging Manta, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being watched. I turned myself around and shined my flashlight only to see a beast glaring at me. I screamed and then the beast screamed. I knew that scream. It was Edwige, my faithful kangaroo companion from my misadventures in North America.

— To be continued.

Tonight’s movie is 2024’s The Beekeeper from director David Ayer. It stars Jason Statham and we like Jason Statham here at the Museum of Schlock. Whether it’s beating up goons in a Las Vegas Casino to the tune of “White Christmas” or chasing down a demented serial killer in Blitz, his name on the marquee always you’re in for a good time. And with the recently released Beekeeper, I may have just witnessed his masterpiece.

Our movie begins with a man named Adam Clay (Jason Statham), a beekeeper that’s utilizing a shed on a farm owned by a retired school teacher named Eloise Parker (Phylicia Rashad). Poor Eloise gets caught up in a phishing scam when she sees a warning message pop up on her laptop with a number to call. I’m still adamant that the villains in The Kidnap Syndicate are the most people I’ve ever seen in a movie, but the villains in The Beekeeper come close to that level of evil.

Eloise calls the number, thinking it’s a tech support line and we’re introduced to a sleazy phishing scam incorporated. A con man named Mickey Garnett (David Witts) explains to his employees how to properly fleece an kindly old lady. He tells her Eloise that she’ll lose all her data if she brings her computer to a repair shop and Eloise doesn’t want to lose all the photos of her daughter she had saved on her computer. She gives the scammer access and not only does she lose all of her retirement savings, but also two million dollars from a charity fund she manages.

Adam Clay stops by her place to drop off some fresh honey, but is soon arrested by an FBI agent named Verona Parker, Eloise’s daughter. Clay is let go when the FBI realizes Eloise died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Agent Parker informs Clay that her mother was scammed and that the FBI has been trying to catch these scammers for months with little to show for it. As it turns out, Clay had also worked for a CIA backed organization known as “The Beekeepers” and he uses everything at his disposal seeking justice for Eloise.

Violence is coming, but I’ll admit Clay is not as violent as he could be. He shows up at the office building that scammed Eloise with two canisters of gasoline. When the security guard approaches him, Clay announces that he’s there to burn the building to the ground. They laugh and he beats the crap out of them before making his way inside. I won’t spoil anything else. You should go into The Beekeeper unspoiled and I’ve spoiled it enough. This might be my movie of the year. Did I mention that Jeremy Irons also stars?

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, episode 575, episode 596, episode 597, episode 598, and episode 599) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.