I dragged Waldo through the bloated fentanyl processing station of the Goose Lord’s gang, making my way over the elevator. My companions Edwige the kangaroo, the Revenging Manta, and his brother, Albert Simmons, followed close behind. While taking on the Goose Lord and his gang had been our main priority, we could not just let Waldo, former Goose Lord gang member and comrade in arms, die from his wounds. Granted, he did deface the statue of Carl Weathers in the Rocky IV exhibit, but that was water under the bridge. I just couldn’t let the man die.

— To be continued. 

Seasons Greeting from The Museum of Schlock to you and yours. For the rest of December, I’ll be covering some modern Christmas movies that you can watch instead of those chestnuts roasting by an open fire. This week’s movie is 2023’s The Sacrifice Game from director Jenn Wexler. It involves a group of killer hippies and a demon summoning. Merry Christmas!

Our story begins at a girls-only boarding school named The Blackvale Academy. We’re introduced to a young girl named Samantha (Madison Baines) who seems to be uneasy as there’ve been a bunch of Christmas killings going on. There’s a group of killers slaughtering suburbanites, but not just for shits and giggles. They want to unleash a demon upon the world. Their names are Jude (Mena Massoud), Maisie (Olivia Scott Welch), Grant (Derek Johns), and Doug (Laurent Pitre). 

Samantha gets some bad news. Her stepdad won’t be taking her home for Christmas break. She’ll be stuck at Blackvale Academy over the Christmas break along with one other student, a quiet girl named Clara (Georgia Acken) who likes to cut herself in a bathroom stall. A teacher named Rosemary (Chloë Levine) is staying behind to watch the students, and promises them a Christmas dinner with all of the trimmings.

This reminds me of The Holdovers, that movie that stars Paul Giamatti as a cantankerous private school teacher that has to watch over the boys during Christmas break because their parents didn’t want them home for Christmas. Both movies take place during the early 1970s. I’d accuse The Sacrifice Game of ripping off The Holdovers, but they both came out around the same time last year. Also, The Holdovers didn’t have Satanic murders in it. 

I guess I should go over the different members of the Christmas Slayers. Jude is the loose cannon of the bunch, a guy that takes glee in the killing. Maisie is their leader, an expert of the Satanic ritual they need to release the demon. Grant is a Vietnam Vet with personal demons of his own and Doug is the loser that conveniently had a car they could use.

Naturally, the killers show up at Blackvale Academy on Christmas Eve to make some human sacrifices and summon a demon. I don’t know. This movie was okay I guess, but I’m starting to think all Christmas horror movies begin and end with Bob Clark’s Black Christmas from 1974. Still a classic.

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, episode 575, episode 596, episode 597, episode 598, episode 599, episode 642, episode 643, episode 644, and episode 645) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.