By the time we made it to the hospital, Waldo was a deathly white. Albert Simmons, the accountant for the Goose Lord, agreed to stay with Waldo as he was the most presentable among us and he owed me for facilitating the eBay auction of my Beanie Baby collection.

I didn’t express this at the time, but all was not forgiven with this gesture. Those fancy dolls were to fund my retirement. It’s going to take a lifetime for him to pay me back!

— To be continued.

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Tonight’s movie is 1982’s Creepshow from director George A. Romero and from a screenplay written by Stephen King. This teamup of two titans of horror produced what the greatest horror anthology film of all time.

We begin with a wraparound story featuring a young Joe Hill getting hollered at by a mustacheless Tom Atkins for reading horror comics. The boy’s latest issue of Creepshow gets thrown in the trash and he vows revenge.

We’re treated to a ghostly visage of “The Creep” in the boy’s window. Cue the credits and we get to our first story.

Father’s Day

This movie terrified me as a child and I hadn’t even seen it. I kept getting taunted by my older siblings and their friends to watch this movie. I was afraid of getting nightmares and Creepshow is nightmare fuel.

Seeing poor Ed Harris lying in frozen terror as a reanimated corpse telepathically moves a three ton headstone to collapse on his head is nightmare fuel. 

The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill

Ever want to see Stephen King play the lead? This is the story for you. A lonesome famer named Jordy hopes to make bank off of a meteor that falls on his land. But things turn for the worse when some juice inside the meteor gets on him and grass starts growing from his skin. Not a fate I would like to share. 

Something to Tide You Over

A sadistic Leslie Nielson buried Ted Danson up to the neck so he can drown once the tide comes in. Nielson does this while recording him on camera.

This is another not-so-good way to go. 

The Crate

This is the worst monster I’ve ever seen in a movie. It lives in a crate and it’s awful and it will eat you. It has sharp fangs and claws and serves as a reminder why some of our ancestors didn’t want to leave the ocean.

George Romero shows that it’s all in the little details. Like when the poor janitor can’t remove his hand from the crate and you see a little trickle of blood go down his arm. Hal Holbrook stars in this story. I saw him perform as Mark Twain on stage once. 

They’re Creeping Up on You

The great E.G. Marshal plays a rich prat living in a New York high-rise. He lives in a germ proof apartment, but his place has a bit of roach infestation. Yes, this short has roaches in it.

Lots of roaches. The biggest ones you’ve ever seen outside of Naked Lunch. Need I say more. 

The movie wraps up with the boy sticking it to his dad. Creepshow is still unsettling forty plus years later. Especially that thing in the crate.

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Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, episode 575, episode 596, episode 597, episode 598, episode 599, episode 642, episode 643, episode 644, and episode 645) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.