The Perfect Life
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The Perfect Life #14: Seize the Day-drinking
The Perfect Life #14 by Dr. Perfect Seize the Day-drinking Dear Dr. Perfect, I like drinking. I drink every day. My favorite drink is Fireball, because shouldn’t everyday feel like a party? How long should I wait to start drinking? My boss said that I should wait until at least 4 PM, and that maybe… Continue reading
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The Perfect Life #13: Reality Training
The Perfect Life #13 by Dr. Perfect Reality Training Dear Dr. Perfect, I don’t know how to deal with my sister-in-law, who is suffering from delusions. She insists that Joe Biden is the President and that COVID-19 is a legitimate disease and not simply a hoax. When I call her out on such dangerous beliefs,… Continue reading
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The Perfect Life #12: The Rage of Chinguardians
The Perfect Life #12 by Dr. Perfect The Rage of Chinguardians Dear Dr. Perfect I am afraid to go outside in the time of COVID-19 since people are so stupid. How hard is it to socially distance and wear a mask over one’s nose and mouth? Every time I see a nose sticking out over… Continue reading
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The Perfect Life #11: Risk a Verse
The Perfect Life #11 Dear Dr. Perfect, My girlfriend always wants me to listen to her read her poetry. At this point, listening to her recitations takes up about ten hours every week. I don’t know how she can write so much verse. Frankly, the poems aren’t that bad, but her stentorian reading voice raises… Continue reading
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The Perfect Life #10: The Art of Compromise
The Perfect Life #10 Dear Dr. Perfect, I love my fiancée, but I am beginning to be alarmed by our love life. He is sensitive and thoughtful, and even writes his own feminist blog. Plus, he loves to cuddle. But we make love only 2-3 times a month. He claims he is too tired from… Continue reading
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The Perfect Life #9: Love Thy Neighbor if You Can, and If You Can’t…
The Perfect Life #9 Dear Dr. Perfect, My neighbor blasts his music too loud. I try not to dim anyone’s fun, but after three weeks of polka at 80 decibels, I am at wit’s end. I’ve asked him to stop. While he seems really nice, I don’t know if his English is strong enough to… Continue reading
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The Perfect Life #8
The Perfect Life #8 Dear Dr. Perfect, My free-spirited girlfriend wants us to attend a nude beach. I’m not comfortable walking nude around other people. It took me a while to even be nude around her. I’m afraid if I say no, she won’t consider me as adventurous as she used to. She’s big on that kind… Continue reading
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The Perfect Life #7: Commit to a Dream
Dear Dr. Perfect, Should I become a DJ or enter the seminary? I am thirty, and desperately need a direction in life. Wandering and Lost —————————————– Dear DJ Wanderlust, It’s never too late to become a DJ. Have you ever queued a series of songs together or made a mixtape? If so, you’re halfway there.… Continue reading
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The Perfect Life #6: Problem-Solving With Potatoes
Dear Dr. Perfect, What is the appropriate way to eat a baked potato? The answer has begun to plague my marriage in ways I had never imagined. My wife outright delivered an ultimatum during dinner the other night. She said that she’ll leave me if I don’t start eating mine “the correct way.” I asked… Continue reading
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The Perfect Life #5: Mysteries of Love
The Perfect Life #5 Dear Dr. Perfect. I am having no luck attracting a woman enough to even go on a date with me. I have a decent job, I live in my own apartment, and I am not overweight. Should I start a podcast? Sincerely, Mr. Lonelyheart —————————————— Dear Lonleyheart, If you’re searching for… Continue reading
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The Drunken Odyssey is a forum to discuss all aspects of the writing process, in a variety of genres, in order to foster a greater community among writers.
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