The Lists #11 by John King
Less Than Stellar Christmas Gifts That Actually Exist
1. Don’t “feed” Peanut Big Top water, please. Is this how Zayles creates its merchandise?
4. Do you remember the guilty fun you had watching Ahhhnold and Sinbad goof it up in Jingle All the Way? Obviously, this 18-year-old film with the slenderest of premises needs to be a franchise anchored by someone who’ll getter done.
8. When considering these clunky, four-foot tall Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, you should first ask yourself this question: Is my child fourteen feet tall? If the answer is no, then this present simply tells the recipient, “I know you’ll never have any real friends, so here you go.”
Seeing the green PJs makes me think of a an immense (and immensely sad) man playing with his four four-foot tall Ninja Turtles, wondering when someone will make him a plastic April O’Neil figure, so his family will be complete.
Will his Christmas wish come true?
John King (Episode, well, all of them) is a podcaster, writer, and ferret wrangler.