The Curator of Schlock #69 by Jeffrey Shuster
The Muppet Christmas Carol
Michael Caine Returns to The Museum of Schlock
We’ve gone a whole year without a Michael Caine movie present in The Museum of Schlock. He plays Ebenezer Scrooge in 1992’s The Muppet Christmas Carol from director Brian Henson. So yeah, it’s Muppets and Michael Caine this week on The Curator of Schlock. Now, I had never seen this movie before so I decided to do something a bit different. Instead of a review, here are 22 live observations of The Muppet Christmas Carol as I watched it.
1. Gonzo and Rizzo the Rat are talking to me through my TV screen. Gonzo insists that he’s Charles Dickens.
2. Michael Caine is playing an extra evil Ebenezer Scrooge. Random Muppets and vegetables start singing about how mean he is.
3. Muppets fall behind on their mortgages just like the rest of us.
4. Kermit is Bob Cratchit. Big surprise there.
5. Same Christmas Carol crap! His nephew is too nice! Steven Seagal would have lit Michael Kane on fire by now!
6. Kermit was able to get Christmas Day off. Which is more than I can say for myself all those years toiling at the paper! Claude Thornhill’s Snowfall plays in my head.
7. There are way too many rats in this motion picture.
8. Are these Muppets playing human characters or is this an alternate Victorian London where humans and Muppets coexist peacefully?
9. Scrooge is eating moldy cheese. Ewwwwwwww!!!
10. Jacob and Robert Marley? There was no Robert Marley in the novel!
11. The Muppet of the Ghost of Christmas Past is creeping me out big time!
12. Young Scrooge says, “Who cares about stupid old Christmas?” I care!
13. The Muppet of the Ghost of Christmas Past is still creeping me out big time!
15. If the Ghost of Christmas Present welcomes Scrooge to Christmas morning then he’s the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, not the Ghost of Christmas Present!
16. Michael Caine is dancing with a giant Muppet!
17. I used to have a crush on Miss Piggy. On second thought, don’t print that.
18. Tiny Tim needs to hurry up and die already!
19. No more singing! Please!
20. Ghost of Christmas Future is scary even in Muppet form!
21. Money-grubbing pigs!
22. Please! Please! No more singing!
Jeffrey Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, and episode 124) is an MFA candidate at the University of Central Florida.
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