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The Lists #17 by John King

Reasons to Watch Fifty Shades of Gray

  1. You have a personal grudge against one of the cast members.
  2. You like to masturbate to Architectural Digest.
  3. You hate women. You really hate women.
  4. You are really drunk, and bought a ticket to Selma, but ended up in the wrong theater and couldn’t make your feet navigate to the right theater. You may end up soiling your seat.
  5. You are of an alien race and sick of watching movies like BirdmanPaddington, and Jupiter Ascending because of the prominence of totally believable human behavior in them.
  6. You are sexually stimulated by the classy storytelling of an English major who graduated with a C- average.
  7. You were too young when The Notebook or The Bridges of Madison Country or Love Story or The Valley of the Dolls or Peyton Place came out.
  8. You were struck in the head by a low-flying goose.

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1flipJohn King (Episode, well, all of them) is a podcaster, writer, and ferret wrangler.