The Lists #17 by John King
Reasons to Watch Fifty Shades of Gray
- You have a personal grudge against one of the cast members.
- You like to masturbate to Architectural Digest.
- You hate women. You really hate women.
- You are really drunk, and bought a ticket to Selma, but ended up in the wrong theater and couldn’t make your feet navigate to the right theater. You may end up soiling your seat.
- You are of an alien race and sick of watching movies like Birdman, Paddington, and Jupiter Ascending because of the prominence of totally believable human behavior in them.
- You are sexually stimulated by the classy storytelling of an English major who graduated with a C- average.
- You were too young when The Notebook or The Bridges of Madison Country or Love Story or The Valley of the Dolls or Peyton Place came out.
- You were struck in the head by a low-flying goose.
John King (Episode, well, all of them) is a podcaster, writer, and ferret wrangler.