The Lists #20 by Brett Pribble

Top 10 Suicide Notes

10. Just finished watching the finale of LOST. I give up.

9. Remember all those cat photos I posted? They were a cry for help.

8. I really thought you’d notice my haircut.

7. Only seventeen people wished me Happy Birthday on my wall.

6. Just found out that Jon Snow isn’t a real person.

5. Today a car honked at me for driving too slow. This taught me my real worth.

4. A black cat crossed my path. I don’t want to wait to find out what happens.

3. Ran out of Oreos.

2. If you’re reading this you’re too late. Thanks A LOT!

1. The only hope I had left was getting this list published on McSweeny’s, but they told me “The bar is really high on suicide lists.”

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Brett Pribble teaches writing courses in Orlando, Florida. He’s afraid of sharks and often isn’t sure whether or not he’s dreaming. He was previously published in Saw Palm, The Molotov Cocktail, and 10,000 Tons of Black Ink.