The Curator of Schlock #340 by Jeff Shuster

Black Scorpion II: Aftershock

Yes, Corman made a sequel.

You know you’ve hit rock bottom when the best friend you’ve got is a kangaroo named Edwige, but my luck might be turning around. I discovered a magic spell in a grimoire hidden deep in the manor library, one that ensures any vampires within a five mile radius will get sucked through a vortex to the dark netherworld. Provided I read the runic writing correctly, I should be sending Wally, Celestial, and rest of the brood straight to hell. Then I’ll make bagel bites for Edwige and myself and none for Jervis! I bet you can’t wait for the exciting conclusion.

This week’s movie is 1997’s Black Scorpion II: Aftershock from director Jonathan Winfrey and producer Roger Corman. It stars Joan Severance as the titular Black Scorpion and as Detective Darcy Walker. Whip Hubley plays her partner Rick.

The movie opens with a couple of jewelry store robbers leading the police on an exciting car chase in the middle of the night. Black Scorpion is also in hot pursuit in what I guess is the Scorpion-mobile, a car that can shape shift due to the genius of Argyle, an ex-con turned mechanic. The robbers crash their car and Black scorpion finishes them off by firing missiles at them. Wouldn’t that also destroy the property they stole?

Anyway, there’s a new villain in town terrorizing Angel City. His name is the Gangster Prankster (Stoney Jackson), a kind of cross between Two-Face and the Joker, not that I would accuse the writers of Black Scorpion of ripping off superhero comics. Gangster Prankster has two henchmen named Heckler (David Harris) and Grimace (Carl Banks). He also has a henchwoman named Giggles (Jeannie Miller).They manage to subdue Detective Rick and force him to play a deadly game of hangman before Black Scorpion shows up to beat up the goons. Gangster Prankster threatens Black Scorpion with a super soaker filled with acid, but before he can squirt her, the ground shakes due to an earthquake knocking Gangster Prankster on his ass.

Professor Ursula Undershaft (Sherrie Rose) has created a machine that will put an end to earthquakes once and for all by putting pressure on the tectonic plates and realign them? This is complicated science stuff. The mayor of Angel City, Artie Worth (Matt Roe), hates the idea of earthquakes going away because he won’t get any more of that sweet government relief money to fund new construction. Worth sends his two yes men to sabotage Undershaft’s machine. She gets caught as the machine collapses on top of her.

Out of the rubble, Professor Undershaft has now transformed into the new super villain, Aftershock. If any man crosses her, she grabs his crotch and starts an earthquake in his pants. It’s painful to watch. She also breaks the Gangster Prankster and his goons out of prison to assist her in spreading mayhem throughout the Angel City. First order of business is to threaten the rich neighborhoods so the Gangster Prankster can rob them. Oh, no! And then the Gangster Prankster kidnaps Argyle so he can get control of the Scorpion-mobile and have the public turn on Black Scorpion. Double oh, no! Will Black Scorpion prevail over the supervillains? Yes. Will Black Scorpion blow up the Gangster Prankster and send his head flying fifty feet into the air? Absolutely!

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, and episode 450) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.