I pinned the punk resembling Waldo from Where’s Waldo? down. I hoped to extract the whereabouts of the Revenging Manta, the ninja vigilante of downtown Orlando. The punk snorted and pursed his lip. Suddenly a stream of spit doused my face. I was about to smack across his cheeks when green spray burned my eyes. The punk must have grabbed his spray can. I reeled, eyes stinging, as he scrambled away. Edwige, my kangaroo companion from my misadventures in North America, followed in close pursuit. — To be continued.

Tonight’s movie is 1989’s Intruder from director Scott Spiegal. Apparently, he’s still directing as Spring Break ’83 and The Temple are still due out. Intruder is a slasher movie set in a grocery store, so it’s appropriate for this time of year. As you’re looking for that can of cranberry sauce, do you ever imagine that there’s a killer stalking you? One minute, you’re gathering the ingredients for the green bean casserole. The next minute, you’re dead!

Our movie begins with a couple of cashiers, Jennifer (Elizabeth Cox) and Linda (Renée Estevez), gabbing about gossip or whatnot. Jennifer’s ex-boyfriend, Craig (David Byrnes) shows up with major stalker vibes. He says he kept calling Jennifer, but she never picked up the phone. Jennifer says she hasn’t checked her answering machine for the last two days. Really? I’d even call horse hockey on that answer. Not that Craig deserves an answer.

Eventually a fight breaks out between Craig and the male grocers. The melee demolishes a soda. Craig leaves after getting his licks in and the cops are called. We learn some interesting things about Craig. I guess he and Jennifer broke up after he had to go to prison. Manslaughter, naturally. Now Craig wants to get back with Jennifer. On top of this, the store managers announce that they’re selling the store. The grocery store has been losing money. The assistant manager Bill (Dan Hicks) tells everyone that he didn’t want to sell the store, but he only owns forty-nine percent of it.

The store officially closes for the evening. The hapless workers are on the night shift, tagging products and figuring out which meat products smell like they need discounting.

I never had the displeasure of having to work in a grocery store. Clothing stores and bookstores sure. And, if memory serves, I think I did work a night shift or two. While taking trash outside, Bill gets assaulted by Craig, who clocks him in the head with a hammer. Considering the earlier trouble, Bill should have seen that coming, but I guess the characters in a horror movie don’t know they’re in a horror movie, outside of Scream and whatnot.

Grisly murders ensue. Staff is terminated in creative ways. One victim gets his head halfed by the meat slicer in the deli, which is some sick shit. You may notice on your VHS copy of this movie the names of Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell displayed as the stars, but they’re limited to cameos. Still, Intruder should please slasher fans. It’s streaming for free on Tubi if you’re so inclined. 

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, episode 575, episode 596, episode 597, episode 598, and episode 599) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.