Albert Simmons, accountant to the Goose Lord and his gang, had lost $2.25 in a vending machine at the hospital where our compatriot Waldo was fighting for his life. His Snickers Almond got stuck. I figured there was only one solution to this issue. 

“I tell you what Albert,” I said, trying to maintain a gingerly tone. “I could go for a Snickers Almond. Why don’t I buy one and that should dislodge yours.”

— To be continued.

Tonight’s movie is 1981’s Graduation Day from director Herb Freed. I decided to check out more movies from this aforementioned director because what a name for a man. A montage of high school athletes giving it their all at a track meet gives off the feel of a followup to Chariots of Fire, but one look at the poster and we in the audience are reassured that Graduation Day will be another senseless slasher movie with plenty of dead teenagers. 

Christopher George plays a coach named George Michaels who demands everything from his students. Laura Ramstead is his star runner, but right after she wins a race, she dies from an aneurysm and everyone in town blames the coach for riding his students too hard. With his teaching contract void after the school year, Coach Michaels will exit his career in disgrace, but he still demands the best from his athletes in what little time remains.

Meanwhile, Laura’s sister Anne comes to town to check on her mother and drunken stepfather. Anne is on leave from the Navy and is in town to come to terms with her sister’s death. Meanwhile, other athletes in the school are getting murdered by some psychopath with a stopwatch. The killer even lops off this guy’s head while he’s taking a wiz in the woods. His last words before dying was “The world is my toilet.”

When a couple of teens find some corpses in the locker room, Coach Michaels is the immediate suspect. The two girls scream as he picks up the murder weapon thinking they’ll be next. The late Laura’s boyfriend, Kevin (E. Danny Murphy), confronts Coach Michaels and chases after him. When he catches up to the coach in the woods, Kevin admits that he’s the murderer. He blames the coach and the other athletes for being so demanding of Laura that she dropped dead. The coach manages to wrestle the knife away from Kevin just in time for the police to show up. Seeing an armed and dangerous killer, the police plug Coach Michaels full of holes and he gets blamed for the murders.

But the movie’s not over yet. Anne decides to visit Kevin and say her goodbyes only to see her sister’s corpse propped up in his bedroom. Kevin tries to slaughter her, but Anne manages to knock Laura’s corpse right into him, sending the corpse and Kevin flying out his bedroom window. Anne rushes out of the house, but Kevin walks right past her bringing the corpse of Laura back up to his bedroom. Anne runs for miles, right back to the high school, but it doesn’t take too long for Kevin to catch up to her. A final confrontation ensues. Will Anne survive and what will be left of her? This slasher has been compared to another called Fatal Games. Maybe next time.

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, episode 575, episode 596, episode 597, episode 598, episode 599, episode 642, episode 643, episode 644, and episode 645) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.