The Curator of Schlock #321 by Jeff Shuster

Rec 3: Genesis

This one’s just plain goofy.

As you know, I went all in on the canned pork n’ beans much to my regret. I guess I panicked a little while grabbing up a wheelbarrow full from the local Big Lots. But I am a lucky man tonight. It seems in my haste to grab up all the pork n’ beans that I accidently swept up a couple of cans of beans n’ franks. You read right. Frankfurter bits and beans! Also known as beanie weenies! A new taste sensation! I’ll be eating good tonight!

Hey, I’ve got another Rec movie for you. This one is 2012’s Rec 3: Genesis from director Paco Plaza and is the third movie in the Rec series. Rec 2 left us with the big reveal that Ángela Vidal is now possessed by the head demon after the original possessed girl upchucked what looked to be a giant maggot down her throat. Ángela was able to leave the apartment complex by impersonating the priest’s voice. I’m sure those idiots in HAZMAT suits welcomed her as she left the building unscathed. I was anxious to see what schemes Ángela had up her sleeve in the next installment, but alas, Rec 3: Genesis is a side story about a wedding from hell.

The movie starts out with a wedding DVD showing the nuptials of a lovely young couple, Koldo (Diego Martin) and Clara (Leticia Dolera). We get about twenty minutes of the beautiful and the wealthy being so in love with each other, something that I don’t really care to see while I’m living in a shack in the middle of a swamp eating beanie weenies.

I hate my life.

Where was I?

Oh, yes. The young, beautiful couple that we’re all rooting for!

We get introduced to various members of their families. We have a grandfather whose hearing aid doesn’t work right and the groom’s future mother-in-law who’s described as a “milf” by the rotund wedding photographer. We get to see a children’s entertainer who calls himself John Sponge so as not to get sued by the owners of Spongebob Squarepants. There’s a guy running around keeping notes of all songs played at the wedding reception so that the artists get paid the proper royalties. Is that a thing?

Oh, and there’s Uncle Pepe, a veterinarian who got bit by a rabid dog earlier that day. I seem to recall a rabid dog being mentioned in the first Rec movie. And it’s highly probable that the demonically possessed virus infected this dog. You know, I remember playing that Doom game from the mid 90s.  In addition to gunning down all sorts of demonic monsters from hell, you also had to shoot zombie soldiers before they shot you. I bet these were soldiers infected with the demonically possessed virus like in these Rec movies. They weren’t just plain old zombies.

Anyway, Uncle Pepe goes feral and bites Aunt Lucille or whatever her name is and before long the entire wedding reception is a madhouse with each guest getting demonically zombified. The bride and the groom get separated and spend the rest of the movie desperately trying to find each other. The groom dons the armor of Saint George at some point. The bride gets her hand on a chainsaw and starts massacring any of the former family members who stand in her way.

Fun stuff.

I wonder how this series will wrap itself up.

Photo by Leslie Salas.

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, and episode 284) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.