The Curator of Schlock #185 by Jeff Shuster

Shoot First, Die Later

Crime doesn’t pay!

I’ve been criticized over the fact that I choose too many violent pictures for this blog. Hey, I don’t choose violent movies. Violent movies choose me. That being said, I’m willing to switch things up for one night. How about a feel good movie? How about 1974’s Shoot First, Die Later from director Fernando Di Leo?

You’ll feel good after watching this movie because no matter how bad your life is right now, it’s not nearly as bad as the lives of the characters in this movie. 

Last week’s movie, Stunt Squad, ended with a man being beaten to death so imagine my elation–I mean repulsion–when Shoot First, Die Later starts with a bunch of guys being beaten to death. We have a nasty mob boss named Pascal (Raymond Pelligren) who’s mad as hell about street punks getting their narcotics from his competition. Soon after we’re introduced to our hero, Detective Lieutenant Domenico Malacarne (Luc Merenda). He’s undercover, trying to get in good with two Mexican men who want to smuggle in some contraband. Domenico leads the police right to them, arrests are made, and Domenico gets promoted. His father is so proud of his boy. He shouldn’t be, though, because Domenico actually works for the mob!

That’s right, it was Pascal who tipped him off about the Mexicans, a great way to eliminate his competition. Pascal wants Domenico’s help smuggling guns into the country. Domenico won’t have anything to do with that. Coffee and cigarette smuggling are his limit. So I guess he has some integrity?

Domenico’s dad also works for the police department and he’s so proud of his son. Some crazy old coot comes in to file a complaint. There was a car with Swiss plates blocking his driveway. I guess that car can be linked to Pascal’s crew and that sordid business with the men who were getting beaten to death at the beginning of the film. Domenico interviews the old man. He talks to his cat a lot. His cat is named Napoleon. The cat doesn’t answer back. He relays that bit of info back to Pascal, says the old coot is nothing to worry about. That’s not good enough for Pascal. He sends a couple of his goons over to murder the guy. They place a plastic bag over his head until he stops breathing. They also  have a plastic bag for Napoleon. 

What kind of sick outfit is this? Why murder a kitten? Honestly, I don’t know what happened to Italy in the 70s. Domenico tells his dad that he needs that complaint form, the only piece of evidence left that could incriminate Pascal. He tells his dad that he doesn’t care about justice or honor and that everybody’s corrupt. Boo! I don’t like this guy. From here on out, it’s a blood bath. Pascal is tying up loose ends that involve murdering Domenico’s father and Domenico’s girlfriend. A reckoning involving shooting first and dying later is the only outcome. Crime doesn’t pay!

Jeffrey Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, and episode 131) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

The Curator of Schlock #184 by Jeff Shuster

Stunt Squad

And the crowd goes wild.

We’ve covered vigilante movies on this blog before. We know the basic premise. Crime is out control. The justice system is either anemic or is actually complicit in rising crime. An honest citizen stands up and takes the law into his own hands, usually after the death of a loved one at the hands scummy street punks or drug dealers.

There’s no nuance here. The criminals deserve what they get, but nothing gets resolved because there are always more criminals out there.

But the movie we’re viewing today doesn’t involve vigilantes.  In fact, it shows us what happens when you don’t have a Charles Bronson taking care of business. It shows us what happens when you leave the scummy street punks and drug dealers to the police. 

1977’s Stunt Squad from director Domenico Paolella starts off with small business owners complaining about the harassment they’re getting from the local protection racket.

You know what a protection racket is, don’t you? That’s where I come to your store and ask you to pay or else bad things are going to happen. Maybe I’ll drink out of some milk cartons or crunch up every bag of Sun Chips you’ve got in the place. That’s just what I would do.

In Stunt Squad, Valli (Vittorio Mezzogiorno), the head of this protection racket, isn’t me. If you don’t pay, he sends out his goons dressed as telephone repairmen and they stick a plastic explosive in the business’s pay phone.  Then Valli calls the business.

One of the victims is a little old lady trying to buy a loaf of bread! What has the world come to?

Enter Inspector Grifi (Marcel Bozzuffi). Grifi knows Valli is running the protection racket and killing too many civilians. The higher ups want Valli arrested. If people lose faith in the police, they’ll turn to vigilantism and that will be the end of democracy.

Grifi suggests the obvious solution: forming the Stunt Squad, an elite group of police officers trained in the art of motocross. Yeah, it’s bunch of cops on motorcycles all wearing yellow helmets in an effort to blend in. The only problem with the Stunt Squad is that they follow due process. This gets them killed one by one.

There’s this one scene where Valli sets a trap for the Stunt Squad. He sticks a plastic explosive inside a cage in an abandoned building. He knocks the light inside the cage causing it to swing. When one of the cops investigates, he gets a face full of bomb. This Valli guy is really evil.

He disembowels this one pimp who was working for him because the pimp spilled the beans to the cops. Valli guns down detectives that’s tailing him right in front of a bus full of nervous passengers.

Inspector Grifi finally gets a shot off, wounds Valli in the shoulder. Grifi is about to place him under arrest when the crowd of passengers turns nasty. They smack Grifi around a bit, but their main focus is on Valli. They begin punching and kicking him to death. Other citizens join in. Heck, I think I saw some people leaving a church and joining in on the beat down. Grifi inspects their grisly handiwork, leaving the scene in disgust. So in the absence of a lone vigilante, you get mob rule. The times we have to live in.  Where’s my motorcycle?

Photo by Leslie Salas

Jeffrey Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, and episode 131) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.