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The Drunken Odyssey

~ A Podcast About the Writing Life

The Drunken Odyssey

Monthly Archives: June 2017

The Curator of Schlock #186: Kidnap Syndicate

30 Friday Jun 2017

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Film, The Curator of Schlock

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Tags

James Mason, Kidnap Syndicate, poliziottesco

The Curator of Schlock #186 by Jeff Shuster

Kidnap Syndicate

And I thought last week’s movie was depressing. 

I am in a bad way this week. When you start bashing your head into the bathroom mirror and actually grin as the blood trickles from the cuts on your forehead, it may be time to give up on the film genre known as poliziottesco. Still, I’ve got another Friday left in June so I might as well round it out with one more movie from this genre, 1975’s Kidnap Syndicate from director Fernando Di Leo. Hey, he directed last week’s movie, the one that made me really depressed. 

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The American poster for this movie reads, “$15,000,000 or we will kill your kids!”

This is no joke.

That’s the basic plot of this movie.

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There is a crime syndicate in Italy that kidnaps children for money. This particular crime syndicate, we’ll call them the “Kidnap Syndicate,” decides to kidnap the son of wealthy real estate tycoon named Engineer Filippini as played by James Mason.

What?

James Mason is in this movie?

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And he’s in top form! The man is Hollywood royalty as far as I’m concerned. He was Brutus opposite Brando’s Mark Antony in Julius Caesar!

Brutus Caesar

He was Captain Nemo in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and Phillip Vandamm in North by Northwest! 

Sorry. I got a little star struck there. Yeah, the Kidnap Syndicate sends some goons to Engineer’s son’s school. They kidnap him along with another boy, the son of a man named Mario Colella (Luc Merenda), the struggling owner of an auto garage. Mario isn’t rich, but would sell his business and everything he owns to get his son back. Engineer wants to negotiate. The Kidnap Syndicate wants fifteen million dollars in exchange for the two boys. Engineer offers them nothing at first in an attempt to renegotiate the terms. The Kidnap Syndicate still wants fifteen million dollars. Engineer offers them five million. Nope. The Kidnap Syndicate still wants fifteen million. Engineer offers them six million. The Kidnap Syndicate shoots and kills the Mario’s kid (the poor one), dumping his body in a public place as a warning to Engineer that his son with be next if he doesn’t pay the fifteen million. Engineer relents and pays the full amount. His son is returned to him. 

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Well, that got resolved smoother than I expected ,except for the fact that they killed one of the boys! And it was the working class boy with the working class dad! I guess poor boys are just a means to an end. Is that right, Kidnap Syndicate! What you didn’t count was that boy’s dad used to be a criminal himself with an expertise in motor cross. Maybe you should have done your research before murdering his son, an innocent child! Yes, I’m angry. And if you’re wondering where the Italian police were in all of this, well they were just helpless. 

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Mario manages to track down the goons and the money. He kills the goons and keeps the money, and don’t you think for one hot second that I give a damn about those goons! He finds the executioner of his son, tells the guy that he’ll return the money to the Kidnap Syndicate if they give him half. In a boardroom meeting, the Kidnap Syndicate debates splitting the money with Mario. Some members argue that should just kill Mario and take the fifteen million dollar loss. The head of the Kidnap Syndicate figures they can give him two million dollars and that will satisfy the father of the dead boy. They ask Mario where he hid the money. He tells board he burned the money and then lights up the room with a machine gun! Hahahahahahaha! And then he chases after his son’s executioner and shoots him to death in a local amusement park. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Hahahahaha

The world is a hell and I’m fine with it! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!


Jeffrey Shuster 1

Photo by Leslie Salas

Jeffrey Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, and episode 131) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

Episode 266: Shasta Grant!

24 Saturday Jun 2017

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Craft of Fiction Writing, Episode, Flash Fiction

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Episode 266 of The Drunken Odyssey, your favorite podcast about creative writing and literature is available on iTunes, or right click here to download.

On this week’s show, I talk to fiction writer Shasta Grant, the Kerouac House resident from the spring of 2017, about novel writing, planning and plotting, and finding the life in the words.

Shasta Grant

NOTES

Shasta’s chapbook is now available from Split Lip Press.

Gather Us Up

On June 16th, I am hosting a fundraiser for the S.A.F.E. Words poetry slam at Writer’s Atelier.

On July 28th, I am hosting a reading by Jaimal Yogis at the Kerouac House.


Episode 266 of The Drunken Odyssey, your favorite podcast about creative writing and literature is available on iTunes, or right click here to download.

The Curator of Schlock #185: Shoot First, Die Later

23 Friday Jun 2017

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The Curator of Schlock #185 by Jeff Shuster

Shoot First, Die Later

Crime doesn’t pay!

I’ve been criticized over the fact that I choose too many violent pictures for this blog. Hey, I don’t choose violent movies. Violent movies choose me. That being said, I’m willing to switch things up for one night. How about a feel good movie? How about 1974’s Shoot First, Die Later from director Fernando Di Leo?

Shoot1

You’ll feel good after watching this movie because no matter how bad your life is right now, it’s not nearly as bad as the lives of the characters in this movie. 

Last week’s movie, Stunt Squad, ended with a man being beaten to death so imagine my elation–I mean repulsion–when Shoot First, Die Later starts with a bunch of guys being beaten to death. We have a nasty mob boss named Pascal (Raymond Pelligren) who’s mad as hell about street punks getting their narcotics from his competition. Soon after we’re introduced to our hero, Detective Lieutenant Domenico Malacarne (Luc Merenda). He’s undercover, trying to get in good with two Mexican men who want to smuggle in some contraband. Domenico leads the police right to them, arrests are made, and Domenico gets promoted. His father is so proud of his boy. He shouldn’t be, though, because Domenico actually works for the mob!

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That’s right, it was Pascal who tipped him off about the Mexicans, a great way to eliminate his competition. Pascal wants Domenico’s help smuggling guns into the country. Domenico won’t have anything to do with that. Coffee and cigarette smuggling are his limit. So I guess he has some integrity?

Shoot2

Domenico’s dad also works for the police department and he’s so proud of his son. Some crazy old coot comes in to file a complaint. There was a car with Swiss plates blocking his driveway. I guess that car can be linked to Pascal’s crew and that sordid business with the men who were getting beaten to death at the beginning of the film. Domenico interviews the old man. He talks to his cat a lot. His cat is named Napoleon. The cat doesn’t answer back. He relays that bit of info back to Pascal, says the old coot is nothing to worry about. That’s not good enough for Pascal. He sends a couple of his goons over to murder the guy. They place a plastic bag over his head until he stops breathing. They also  have a plastic bag for Napoleon. 

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What kind of sick outfit is this? Why murder a kitten? Honestly, I don’t know what happened to Italy in the 70s. Domenico tells his dad that he needs that complaint form, the only piece of evidence left that could incriminate Pascal. He tells his dad that he doesn’t care about justice or honor and that everybody’s corrupt. Boo! I don’t like this guy. From here on out, it’s a blood bath. Pascal is tying up loose ends that involve murdering Domenico’s father and Domenico’s girlfriend. A reckoning involving shooting first and dying later is the only outcome. Crime doesn’t pay!


Jeffrey Shuster 3

Jeffrey Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, and episode 131) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

Pensive Prowler #8: Alienating the Alien

19 Monday Jun 2017

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Film, Horror, Pensive Prowler

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Pensive Prowler #8 by Dmetri Kakmi

Alienating the Alien

Let’s not mistake this for a review of Ridley Scott’s Alien Covenant. It’s more of a free-wheeling jazz improvisation on what went through my benumbed brain as I watched the vaudevillian pantomime. It’s also full of spoilers. So I recommend you read it and save your pretty pennies for a rainy day.

I am obliged to add that I love Alien (1979) and I’m a hesitant admirer of James Cameron’s overlong and over-militarised Aliens (1986). The subsequent sequels are whipping a dead clotheshorse, particularly the prequel Prometheus (2012), Scott’s poncey incursion into the wrung-out franchise.

alien-covenant-poster

The first thing that must be said about Alien Covenant is that it’s supremely boring. It’s so dull and un-engaging, I felt as if the life was being sucked out of me by a paucity of ideas as I sat in a half daze, barely able to comprehend or care about what was happening on screen.

The words flatulent and pompous drifted around my head like the moons of Uranus during the opening scene. You know you’re in for a slog when a film opens with what appears to be an outtake from Prometheus.

‘Get on with it,’ I mumbled as Guy Pearce and Michael Fassbender had a chinwag about creation and god and music and mortality and tea in minimalist space adorned with great works of art. Prominent among them is Michelangelo’s David, his butt cheeks dangling before our eyes in the foreground of one shot as if he’s about to sit on Michael Fassbender’s face. Better than copping a face-hugger any day.

In the next scene we meet a bunch of starry-eyed colonists going off to ruin another planet. The problem with them is they’re so generic you don’t remember them seconds after they’re shredded by CGI monsters. The usually reliable Billy Cruddup in particular is so like-yeah-whatever he can barely articulate his lines, let alone bring some oomph to his chest-buster scene. Though the lead up to his big moment is genuinely funny.

I fell asleep at one stage and woke up during the best bit: Michael Fassbender performs a kind of G-rated self-suck by kissing himself. Or rather he kisses his android double, before pronouncing the film’s best line:

‘They don’t deserve to start again and I’m not going to let them.’

He’s talking about humans and he succeeds, thankfully.

Actually, that’s not the best part. The best part is James Franco’s early demise. This irritating man-child doesn’t even get a chance to step out of his cryogenic crib before he’s vaporised and jettisoned into outer space. The only time we see his smug mug is when his wife, a second-rate Sigourney Weaver tough-girl type, blubbers to hubby’s video messages. She dodged a bullet is all I can say.

From there on Alien Covenant announces its major theme. Turns out it’s not about something as lowly as slavering monsters munching on people. It’s about male procreation, free of women.

Très très homosexuelle, no, monsieur et madame?

I’m serious. Think about it: Ageing man (Guy Pearce) creates buff male android (Michael Fassbender) in pleasingly tight body suit that shows off perfectly sculpted glutes and pecs. Android bases himself on the homo par excellence, Lawrence of Arabia, turns against big daddy, regurgitates alien eggs and promises to be mother to a loathed and despised species.

If that’s not a queer parable, I don’t know what is. We’ve gone back to sky god Zeus giving birth to Athena by projecting her fully formed from his brow.

In space, it seems, no one can hear women become redundant.

The men in this film reminded me of self-fertilising worms. Or the ouroboros snake that swallows its own tail. No wonder the aliens resemble globular white slugs. There’s even two gay men in the crew. Living up to Hollywood tradition one is mangled early on and his partner gets acid blood sprayed over his face, as if he’s encountered an Islamist in deep space.

So much for diversity and inclusion.

As for the much-talked-about twist ending … well, it’s so lame only Ridley Scott won’t see it coming. The android Walter masquerades as the android David. Too spooky for film school. Oooh, the shiver that didn’t run down my spine. What I want to know is where did Fassbender find a barber and hair dye on that Vidal Sassoon forsaken planet?

I forgot to mention that I laughed aloud when a hooded figure appears out of nowhere to rescue the stranded journeymen. It was as if Alien had suddenly glommed onto Lard of the Rings and Legolas had come to save the film from itself.

You can tell I hated this, can’t you? The first Alien works because of the simplicity of the idea and the purity of execution. Covenant is so busy it forgets it’s a shriek-fest. Scott occasionally remembers and goes, ‘Oh, fuck, we better show the creature before the audience falls asleep.’ Too late!

An early teaser poster showed the alien with the word RUN under it. YAWN would have been more appropriate.

Anyway, I wrote to Ridley Scott and offered some suggestions for improvement.

Dear Ridley,

Alien Covenant would be a better film if you consulted me.

My version is called Alien Convent. Instead of being about planetary settlers fighting hostile aliens (as if we haven’t seen that before), it’s about nuns versus aliens.

You heard right. The reboot needs naked nuns with guns.

Picture it: Ripley is Mother Superior in a convent for the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. She’s trying to put the past behind her by settling down with Sister Bertrille from the The Flying Nun TV series. Things are going well until a new devotee arrives. But she is not what she appears. Turns out she’s Sister Ruth, the hot-pants nun from Black Narcissus (look it up) and she carries inside her a xenomorph bambino from a close encounter of the fourth kind in the Himalayan jungle. All hell breaks loose when the alien bursts out of Sister Ruth’s nether lips during a Sadean flagellation session in the basement and it’s on for young and old.

Tarantino could make a good fist of it, in more ways than one.

Love,

Dmetri xx

alien-convent


dmetri-kakmi

Dmetri Kakmi (Episode 158) is a writer and editor based in Melbourne, Australia. The memoir Mother Land was shortlisted for the New South Wales Premier’s Literary Awards in Australia; and is published in England and Turkey. His essays and short stories appear in anthologies and journals. You can find out more about him here.

The Rogue’s Guide to Shakespearean Film #56: The Merry Wives of Windsor (1982)

18 Sunday Jun 2017

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Shakespeare, The Rogue's Guide to Shakespeare on Film

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Rogues Guide to Shakes on Film 2

56. David Jones’s The Merry Wives of Windsor (1982)

My sweet readers, I have broken a promise in watching a BBC Complete Shakespeare film. I well know that fine actors were unable to rescue such productions, but I was tempted by my desire to see more Falstaff, and in particular my desire to see the great Richard Griffiths play him in this Merry Wives. This made-for-TV version from 1982 is much, much better than the other Complete BBC versions I have seen. Unfortunately, that does not make it even good.

Merry Wives 1

The usual problems with these productions abound. First, the haste of the productions and the closeness of the sets made two-shot scenes difficult. I suppose seeing people’s faces in Shakespeare could be construed as overrated. Second, these Renaissance sets of Merry Wives look fake, like those of the second season of Black Adder if someone forgot to make it funny. Oh, yes, Merry Wives is supposed to be a comedy. And third, something about the pacing of the production seems like maple syrup in zero gravity.

Merry Wives 8

Let us talk of Master Ford, as portrayed by Ben Kingsley in the same year as Gandhi and one year before playing a steel-nerved cuckold in a film adaptation of Harold Pinter’s Betrayal. Kingsley has interpreted his part as melodrama—a man, like Othello, who did not know jealousy until it completely overwhelmed his character. His soliloquies are delivered directly to the camera, and his performance is magnetic.

Merry Wives 5

Judy Davis plays Mistress Ford, and though she is not often on camera, she plays the part with an effervescence that somehow seems both Elizabethan and modern.

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Nigel Terry, who some may know as Arthur from Excalibur, makes the most out of hyperactive Pistol, making him seem intelligent and infinitely mischievous.

I suppose I owe you a summary of the plot. Two wives of Windsor are being wooed by the fat rascal, Sir John Falstaff, whose knighthood is of dubious origin. The wives decide to punish him for his impudence, for his assault on their marriages and honor, hence their merriment.

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Richard Griffiths apparently decided that the comedy of this comedy didn’t commence until halfway through the movie, when this illicit wooing begins. I suppose the idea was to establish Sir John’s nobility more than his charisma at the outset.

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The thing tends to drag. Time wears, as it were. The running time is just under three hours. On the whole, this Merry Wives does draw out the tensions of Shakespearean comedy, for the difference between comedy and tragedy is sometimes only how the story ends: marriage, or a pile of corpses?

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The legend is that Merry Wives was Shakespeare’s response to Queen Elizabeth’s demand that he write a play about Falstaff in love. There is a lot of love in this odd play, even if Falstaff isn’t one of the true lovers. I am not sure if someone not already familiar with the play could easily follow this version. It isn’t quite good, but overall it isn’t bad, either.

The tricky finale actually works.


1flip
John King (Episode, well, all of them) holds a PhD in English from Purdue University, and an MFA from New York University. He has reviewed performances for Shakespeare Bulletin.

Episode 265: Todd Boss!

17 Saturday Jun 2017

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Episode, Poetry

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Episode 265 of The Drunken Odyssey, your favorite podcast about creative writing and literature is available on iTunes, or right click here to download.

On this week’s show, I talk to Todd Boss, whose new book, Tough Luck, includes a poem sequence inspired by the disaster of the I-35W Bridge’s collapse in Minneapolis,

Todd Boss

plus Malcolm Kelly reads his poem, “Visual Vignettes of Some Gay Shit.”

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TEXTS DISCUSSED

Tough Luck.jpg

NOTES

  • Check out The Drunken Odyssey’s classic Bloomsday show, episode 104.
  • Read Nicole Oquendo’s poem, “Binding We,” over at The Florida Review.
  • For anyone so compelled, you can find my essay on Mystery Science Theater 3000 here, though I am pretty sure it is there without permission.

Episode 265 of The Drunken Odyssey, your favorite podcast about creative writing and literature is available on iTunes, or right click here to download.

The Curator of Schlock #184: Stunt Squad

16 Friday Jun 2017

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in The Curator of Schlock

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The Curator of Schlock #184 by Jeff Shuster

Stunt Squad

And the crowd goes wild.

We’ve covered vigilante movies on this blog before. We know the basic premise. Crime is out control. The justice system is either anemic or is actually complicit in rising crime. An honest citizen stands up and takes the law into his own hands, usually after the death of a loved one at the hands scummy street punks or drug dealers.

MCDDEWI EC030

There’s no nuance here. The criminals deserve what they get, but nothing gets resolved because there are always more criminals out there.

But the movie we’re viewing today doesn’t involve vigilantes.  In fact, it shows us what happens when you don’t have a Charles Bronson taking care of business. It shows us what happens when you leave the scummy street punks and drug dealers to the police. 

Stunt Squad

1977’s Stunt Squad from director Domenico Paolella starts off with small business owners complaining about the harassment they’re getting from the local protection racket.

You know what a protection racket is, don’t you? That’s where I come to your store and ask you to pay or else bad things are going to happen. Maybe I’ll drink out of some milk cartons or crunch up every bag of Sun Chips you’ve got in the place. That’s just what I would do.

In Stunt Squad, Valli (Vittorio Mezzogiorno), the head of this protection racket, isn’t me. If you don’t pay, he sends out his goons dressed as telephone repairmen and they stick a plastic explosive in the business’s pay phone.  Then Valli calls the business.

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One of the victims is a little old lady trying to buy a loaf of bread! What has the world come to?

Enter Inspector Grifi (Marcel Bozzuffi). Grifi knows Valli is running the protection racket and killing too many civilians. The higher ups want Valli arrested. If people lose faith in the police, they’ll turn to vigilantism and that will be the end of democracy.

Grifi suggests the obvious solution: forming the Stunt Squad, an elite group of police officers trained in the art of motocross. Yeah, it’s bunch of cops on motorcycles all wearing yellow helmets in an effort to blend in. The only problem with the Stunt Squad is that they follow due process. This gets them killed one by one.

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There’s this one scene where Valli sets a trap for the Stunt Squad. He sticks a plastic explosive inside a cage in an abandoned building. He knocks the light inside the cage causing it to swing. When one of the cops investigates, he gets a face full of bomb. This Valli guy is really evil.

Stunt Squad

He disembowels this one pimp who was working for him because the pimp spilled the beans to the cops. Valli guns down detectives that’s tailing him right in front of a bus full of nervous passengers.

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Inspector Grifi finally gets a shot off, wounds Valli in the shoulder. Grifi is about to place him under arrest when the crowd of passengers turns nasty. They smack Grifi around a bit, but their main focus is on Valli. They begin punching and kicking him to death. Other citizens join in. Heck, I think I saw some people leaving a church and joining in on the beat down. Grifi inspects their grisly handiwork, leaving the scene in disgust. So in the absence of a lone vigilante, you get mob rule. The times we have to live in.  Where’s my motorcycle?


Jeffrey Shuster 1

Photo by Leslie Salas

Jeffrey Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, and episode 131) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

Episode 264: A Craft Discussion of Jhumpa Lahiri’s In Other Words with Vanessa Blakeslee!

10 Saturday Jun 2017

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Episode, translation

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Tags

In Other Words, Italian, Jhumpa Lahiri

Episode 264 of The Drunken Odyssey, your favorite podcast about creative writing and literature is available on iTunes, or right click here to download.

In this week’s episode, I talk with Vanessa Blakeslee about Jhumpa Lahiri’s experiment in becoming an Italian writer, In Other Words.

Vanessa and John 2

TEXTS DISCUSSED

In Other Words LahiriLahiri The NamesakeUnaccustomed Earth LahiriLahiri Interpreter of Maladiesthe lowland Lahiri

The Curator of Schlock #183: Meet Him and Die

09 Friday Jun 2017

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Film, The Curator of Schlock

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Tags

Martin Basalm, Meet Him and Die, Poliziotteschi

The Curator of Schlock #183 by Jeff Shuster

Meet Him and Die

How about I don’t meet him?

Who comes up with these titles? Seriously, when I think of meeting someone for the first time, my imminent death isn’t what springs to mind. Then again, I wasn’t living in Italy during the 1970s. Maybe a friendly get together at the local bowling alley would end up in a bloodbath every third Tuesday of the month. I don’t know. I wasn’t there. We’re continuing with Poliziotteschi Month here at the Museum of Schlock with 1976’s Meet Him and Die from director Franco Prosperi. Many characters will die in this film, and we wouldn’t have it any other way. 

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We’re introduced to Massimo Torlani (Ray Lovelock) who wakes up one morning and decides to rob a bank. He’s got a gun and mask, the whole shebang. Unfortunately for him, the teller presses a button, sealing the bank behind steel shutters. It’s not long before the police show. Massimo attempts to take a hostage, but the cops wrestle him down. It’s off to the big house for Massimo and by big house I mean prison! 

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While in prison, he talks to his lawyer who, it turns out, is actually a police detective. Huh. It turns out Massimo is an undercover cop! He’s trying to infiltrate the drug rackets. And he’s not just doing this because he swore to uphold the law and protect the innocence. Massimo wants revenge.

Yes, revenge is a good thing.

Massimo was having a picnic with his mother when a couple of bank robbers shot her in the back. I think they were trying to get to him because he was in his police uniform. Maybe Massimo would have gotten a shot if his mother hadn’t been trying to get him to holster his weapon, to not get involved. Maybe if Massimo’s mama had let her son do his job, she wouldn’t have gotten two bullets in the back. I’m just telling it like it is. 

Apparently, there’s some big drug kingpin in the prison by the name of Giulianelli. Martin Balsam plays him and it kept bugging me throughout the movie because I couldn’t figure out where I’d seen that actor before.

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I kept thinking he had starred in one of those Giallo pictures by Argento or one of Fulci’s zombie flicks. Nope. I looked up his filmography online. Martin Balsam played Mr. Green in The Taking of Pelham One Two Three.

Did I review that for this blog? I don’t remember.

He also played Detective Arbogast in Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. You know, the detective who had the tumble down the stairs. Heh, heh, heh.

Psycho Stairway

I have to say I learned some things about 1970s Italy from watching Meet Him and Die. First off, if you manage to escape from prison, you’re given a free pass by the justice system. You don’t have to worry about a manhunt. No cops will come after you. Also, if you’re an undercover police officer, you can do whatever a criminal would do, up to and including assaulting other police officers and killing rival drug traffickers for your organization, whatever helps you sink into that role.

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Oh, and cars in 1970s Italy explode when flipped over.

_______

Jeffrey Shuster 4

Jeffrey Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, and episode 131) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

The Rogue’s Guide to Shakespeare on Film #55: Falstaff: Chimes at Midnight (1965)

04 Sunday Jun 2017

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in The Rogue's Guide to Shakespeare on Film

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Tags

Chimes at Midnight, Henry IV Part 1, Henry IV Part 2, Henry V, Jeanne Moreau, John Gielgud, Orson Welles, Shakespeare

Rogues Guide to Shakes on Film 2

55. Orson Welles’s Falstaff: Chimes at Midnight [Henry IV Parts 1 & 2] (1965)

Chimes at Midnight 8

One restraint of most Shakespeare film productions happens to be, alas and fuck, the budget. Often, actors, including the best actors, will willingly work for scale in service of the bard, but the cost of film and catering and the crew and their equipage will or cannot do so. Quality often suffers.

Such seems to have been the case with Chimes at Midnight, which features a tour de force performance by Orson Welles as Falstaff.

Chimes at Midnight 7

Welles was very, very, very fat. That is not a criticism, merely an observation. He looks like an optical illusion, a caricature of a caricature that is Sir John Falstaff. And yet in appearing like such a cartoon, Welles somehow makes the part quite real, and shows us what Shakespeare’s own original audience would have loved about this rascal who contains so many vices, a bursting character from a medieval morality play.

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Contrasting the enormity of Welles’s girth is the slender running time of Chimes at Midnight, which squeezes both parts of Henry IV down to under 2 hours of running time. If you don’t already know these plays, abandon all hope of following the manic, complicated plot. If you have experienced these plays, though, then lean in and enjoy this manic take on its complicated, truncated plot. Ralph Richardson served as a narrator, to offer context and some sense of segues.

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Henry IV is played by John Gielgud, who makes England’s sovereign and his moral disappointment in his son, prince Hal, seem majestic rather than bitchy or sheepishly human.

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Keith Baxter and his dimpled chin play Hal, and he seems truly mischievous, a quick, fun foil for Welles’s Falstaff.

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Norman Rodway, as Henry Percy, AKA “Hotspur,” switches between manic comedy and tragedy in his threat against the throne. He seems to have gotten the memo to act and speak as fast as he can, and manages to make both seem palatable enough.

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The great battle between Henry IV and Hotspur’s forces os both impressive and awfully awkward. I suspect the sound of rattling armor was created by shaking a pillowcase of silverware. (Perhaps that is authentically how battle sounded in the Middle Ages. If that is so, one should avoid accuracy.) There is a great confusion of fog, mud, and clanging, interspersed with Orson Welles hysterically trotting about in truly enormous armor. The editing is extra-manic, and I suspect the film was often sped up like kung fu action sequences.

Chimes at Midnight 3

It occurs to me, dear readers, that perhaps I’ve been premature to claim the low budget of this movie was its downfall. Perhaps the downfall was its modest reception, and its therefore being out of print a long while. The version I got ahold of was less crisp than I expect the Criterion Collection print is. As The Hollow Crown demonstrates, the inn setting of much of Henry IV Parts 1 and 2 are drab enough if treated with historical accuracy, so the black and white is less a burden than it might have been. Perhaps the sound is better in the Criterion edition (I doubt it). The energetically frumpy medievalish score by Angelo Francesco Lavagnino has to grate no matter how crisp it sounds.

Chimes at Midnight 10

But the chief musical instrument of Falstaff is the voice of Orson Welles. The voice and the man were larger than life, and experiencing it embodying Falstaff helps one believe that an absurd amount of indulgence might be his due. We can imagine a king, a prince, a beautiful young prostitute (played by Jeanne Moreau) could grant him something like grace. On the field of victory, or in the Boar’s Head Inn, Falstaff is a beacon of vivaciousness and intelligence. In the throne room, however, such grace reveals itself to be an almost infinite length of rope by which he will hang himself.

Chimes at Midnight 5

The subtitle of the film (or the title, depending on where it was released) might make the theme of this film seem unpleasantly sentimental. The “chimes at midnight” speech takes place between Falstaff and Master Shallow, a justice of the peace in the countryside with whom Falstaff is resting after a battle. This scene takes place before he learns that his carousing friend Prince Hal will be coronated as Henry V. Master Shallow is a dreadful bore, and his desire to reminisce about the greatness of being awake at midnight is sad. That Falstaff indulges him makes us sorry for Falstaff. Alan Webb’s Shallow speaks in an elderly quavering falsetto that is unendurable. This brief film shoves that dialogue into the beginning of our story to make the theme clear.

Chimes at Midnight 13

Except it isn’t, unless we are to see the theme as the weariness of having to deal with dullards. At least the screenplay skips repeating the speech later.

As brief as this film of two plays is, it ends by squeezing in the beginning of Henry V as well, to reach the closure of Sir John’s story, his death, and mourning of the Boar’s Head crowd. If the film were a half-hour longer, perhaps The Merry Wives of Windsor could also have been crammed in.

Like I said, if you know these Falstaff plays, then this film is well worth the effort, but do grab the Criterion edition. So says your humble rogue.


1flip
John King (Episode, well, all of them) holds a PhD in English from Purdue University, and an MFA from New York University. He has reviewed performances for Shakespeare Bulletin.

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