“My name is the Goose Lord!” 

The words were uttered with a grating command. The Joe Spinel look-a-like laughed heartily at the defeat of his two arch-enemies: The Curator of Schlock and the Revenging Manta, the ninja vigilante of downtown Orlando. I was cradling my right hand wondering where my severed index finger had gotten too, wondering how I would ever be able to do a barrel roll on Starfox 64 again.

“You fiend!” I yelled as the Count Zarth Arn pointed a dart gun at me. He pressed the trigger and a dart sank into my skin. I grew dizzy and collapsed into a deep sleep. — To be continued. 

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This week’s movie is 1989’s The Stepfather II from director Jeff Burr. It stars Terry O’Quinn as Jerry Blake, the psychotic stepfather from the first movie. He survived a brutal stabbing at the end of The Stepfather, but was arrested and sent to a mental institution on account that he murdered a bunch of people. A Dr. Joseph Danvers has taken a liking to Jerry and wants to see what makes him tick. Jerry uses this as an excuse to lure the good doctor into a false sense of security and murdered him.

It’s not long before Jerry is living in a Los Angeles suburb under an assumed name and posing as a therapist named Dr. Gene Clifford. Several women attend his sessions like Matty (Caroline Williams), a nosey mail carrier, and Carol (Meg Foster), a recently divorced real estate agent. Jerry takes a shine to Carol especially since she has a 13-year-old son named Todd (Jonathan Brandis) in tow. That’s a ready made family and all Jerry has to do is sweet talk his way in. 

Unfortunately, Carol’s ex shows up. He’s a dentist named Phil (Mitchell Laurance) and wants to get back with Carol. I think he was a philanderer and Jerry doesn’t like him turning up out of the blue to sweep Carol off her feet. He invites Phil over for a talk to figure out what his intentions are. And Jerry doesn’t like the sound of Phil’s intentions so he her bash Phil over the head with a wine bottle and then stabs him in the throat with the broken glass, Jerry then stuffs Phil in the trunk of Phil’s convertible and drives the car to the junkyard where it will get crushed the next day.

It’s not long before Carol and Jerry are engaged. Carol’s best friend, Matty, doesn’t trust Carol’s new fiancé. She pries into his mail and figures out he isn’t who says he is. She confronts Jerry in private which is a big mistake. Why not go straight to Carol? Jerry begs Matty to let him tell Carol himself. Matty agrees which is her death sentence because we all know Jerry is going to figure out a way to bump her off. Unfortunately for Jerry, he makes too many mistakes while staging Matty’s suicide, He’s scheme will come undone just like it did last time.

I feel kind of bad for Jerry this time around. Sure, he’s a mass murderer, but it looked like his dream of being a family man might work out this time. Carol loved him. He got along with her son. Maybe Jerry could have had a normal life after all. Until his neighbor wasn’t tending to his lawn in a way that was beneficial to the rest of the neighborhood. And then Jerry would have to beat him to death with the lawn mower.

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Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode 284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443, episode 444, episode 450, episode 477, episode 491, episode 492, episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, and episode 575) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.