I know I reviewed 1977’s The Car a while back and explained my frustration of there being no real explanation for why the car is evil except for a demon seeming to rise from the wreckage at the end of the movie. Why did they even need the car to be possessed? Just make the car a Ford Pinto. Those vehicles were terrifying enough. So why am I dedicating this week’s entry to 1983’s Christine from director John Carpenter and based on the novel by Stephen King? There’s no explanation given for why this car is evil, but who cares? Christine is cool!

Our movie begins in 1957 with a cherry red Plymouth Fury rolling off the assembly line. The car slams its hood on one of the workers and traps another one inside, suffocating him. But it’s a beautiful car so can I really be angry at it? Fast forward to 1978 in Rockbridge, CA and we’re introduced to nerdy Arnie Cunningham (Keith Gordon) and his jock friend, Dennis Guilder (John Stockwell). Arnie gets bullied by a bunch of malcontents on his first day of school during shop class. One of them pulls out a switchblade, and slices up poor Arnie’s yogurt, spilling it over the floor. Dennis intervenes, but one of the goons gets him in the sweet spot. 

The shop teacher breaks it up and Arnie confesses that one of them had a knife. The three of them get sent to the principal’s office and we know there will be payback for that confession, but bringing a knife to a fist fight is dirty pool. While Dennis drives Arnie home, Arnie spots a junk heap for sale that was that sweet Plymouth Fury we saw at the beginning of the film. A creepy old perv named George LeBay (Roberts Blossom) tells them the car is named Christine and how it belonged to his deceased brother. LeBay sells a desperate Arnie the car for $450 despite Dennis trying to talk him out of it. 

Arnie’s uptight parents refuse to let him park it in their driveway so he has to store it at a local garage run by an old curmudgeon named Will Darnell (Robert Prosky). In exchange for keeping the place tidied up and a lube job here and there, Will allows Arnie to raid the junkyard for parts to restore Christine. The whole enterprise of restoring Christine gives Arnie a boost in confidence. He ditches the glasses and ends up dating the prettiest girl in school, Leigh (Alexandra Paul). Meanwhile, poor Dennis is stuck in a hospital, recovering from a football injury that nearly got him paralyzed. Arnie visits him in the hospital, but a change has come over Arnie, a change for the worse. 

Frankly, he’s starting to act like one of those evil greasers we saw in last week’s movie. Arnie even slicks his hair back and cops an attitude with everyone. When the three malcontents find Christine they trash her, smashing the windshield and breaking the rearview mirrors. One of them even leaves a dump on the hood. Arnie freaks out when he comes upon the scene with Leigh, but when he revisits Christine late at night, the car repairs herself right in front of Arnie. He doesn’t even act surprised, car and man in sync over this evil power. Christine then goes hunting for the three malcontents. 

One gets rammed into a dark alley. Another gets blown up in a gas station. The third is run over while Christine is still on fire. And I don’t care. Because Christine is a beautiful piece of machinery who deserves the attention of the right owner. Why can’t I find a car like that? Christine is the best killer car movie out there. Well, maybe except for Duel. 

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, episode284, episode 441, episode 442, episode 443,episode 444, episode 450,episode 477, episode 491, episode 492,episode 493, episode 495, episode 496, episode 545, episode 546, episode 547, episode 548, episode 549, episode 575, episode 596, episode 597, episode 598, episode 599, episode 642, episode 643, episode 644, episode 645, episode 670, episode 686, episode 687,  688,  689, 726, and 727) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.