The Curator of Schlock
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The Curator of Schlock #375: Robot Carnival
The Curator of Schlock #375 by Jeff Shuster Robot Carnival Nine animators, One vision. An army of rabid Tasmanian devils rushed the security guard and myself. I did what any sane person would do and ran for my life. Edwige, my kangaroo companion and two other kangaroos were locked away in cages. I slid the Continue reading
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The Curator of Schlock #374: Leprechaun 4: In Space
Leprechaun 4: In Space That is not how you title a movie! Bad things were going down in a marsupial slaughtering factory in the Canadian Province of Saskatchewan. A bloodied factory worker had screamed about “devils on the loose” before breathing his last. Then came the howls from a shifting black mass of doom creeping Continue reading
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The Curator of Schlock #373: The Secret of Nimh
The Curator of Schlock #373 by Jeff Shuster The Secret of NIMH I like cartoons. Stop giving me grief. We heard the screeching, a sound of hellish death coming from beyond. The factory security guard brandished a taser and I wondered why we hadn’t run away with the rest of the factory personnel that had Continue reading
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The Curator of Schlock #392: Malignant
The Curator of Schlock #392 by Jeff Shuster Malignant 8th Wonder of the World There was Edwige, my kangaroo traveling companion of the past year, locked up in a cage, waiting to be butchered by a bunch of zany Saskatchewanians. I wanted to free her, but I had to keep up the ruse of being Continue reading
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The Curator of Schlock #390: Slumber Party Massacre II
The Curator of Schlock #390 by Jeff Shuster Slumber Party Massacre II It’s a bit better. There I was, blowtorch in hand and standing behind the gate to a Canadian salmon canning factory that was really a front for a marsupial slaughterhouse. A burly guard stood on the other side and I figured my number Continue reading
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The Curator of Schlock #389: Slumber Party Massacre
The Curator of Schlock #389 by Jeff Shuster Slumber Party Massacre Was Herschel Gordon Lewis involved in this? I was under orders from the Canadian government to infiltrate an illegal marsupial slaughtering operation. I encountered an obstacle in the form of a chain link fence with a locked gate. I took out my blowtorch and Continue reading
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The Curator of Schlock #388: Just Before Dawn
The Curator of Schlock #388 by Jeff Shuster Just Before Dawn Stay away from psychotic hillbillies. I was working with a Canadian secret agent named Larry. Together, we planned to infiltrate a factory where they slaughtered and canned kangaroos and other marsupials. Larry charged me with freeing the animals while he distracted the guards. He Continue reading
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The Curator of Schlock #387: Nighthawks
The Curator of Schlock #387 by Jeff Shuster Nighthawks The movie, not the Hopper painting. So I learned that the town of Mooseville in the Canadian province of Saskatchewan was involved in an illegal kangaroo and koala bear slaughtering operation. The town salmon canning factory was a front for their black market canned marsupial meat. Continue reading
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The Curator of Schlock #386: The Black Windmill
The Curator of Schlock #386 by Jeff Shuster The Black Windmill Michael Caine versus Donald Pleasence’s mustache. I had blacked out after seeing the denizens of Mooseville devour a roasted kangaroo right in front of me. I came to. Larry was standing over me. He helped me up and told me his story. Apparently, Larry Continue reading
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The Curator of Schlock #385: Berlin Syndrome
The Curator of Schlock #385 by Jeff Shuster Berlin Syndrome Don’t go to Germany. There I was, in the middle of a crowd of malcontents gussied up in moose heads and moose leggings. The sound of a horn silenced the raucous crowd. Eight bare chested men emerged wearing executioner hoods carrying a huge aluminum dinner Continue reading
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