The Curator of Schlock #163: Dracula A.D. 1972

02 Friday Dec 2016

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Film, Horror, The Curator of Schlock

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Christopher Lee, Dracula AD 1972, Peter Cushing

The Curator of Schlock #163 by Jeff Shuster

Dracula A.D. 1972

Being a Curator of Schlock isn’t all sunshine and lollipops. Which is a shame because John King promised me sunshine and lollipops! Sometimes watching these flicks is a real burden. It’s like in that Batman Killing Superman movie that came out this year. Superman wasn’t having a good time rescuing people. Come to think of it, no one was having a good time in that movie save for the movie’s main villain, Mark Zuckerberg. And I’ve never seen Batman so angry.

Speaking of bats, I’ve got another Dracula movie to discuss with you. This one is 1972s Dracula A.D. 1972 from director Alan Gibson. The movie starts out with Count Dracula (Christopher Lee) and Lawrence Van Helsing (Peter Cushing) fighting a duel to the death on an out of control horse and buggy. The carriage crashes, the two of them getting tossed off. I think Van Helsing manages to stab Dracula in the heart with one of the spokes from a broken wheel. Dracula turns to dust and Van Helsing dies from his injuries.

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Fast forward to A.D. 1972, and we know it’s A.D. 1972 because of the huge jet airplane flying in the sky. Okay. I’m on board so far, but then the hippies show up. Yes, we in the audience are treated to the splendor of a swinging shindig, replete with hippies, folk singers, go-go dancers, and other counter culture nonsense. The whole affair is taking place at some rich kid named Charles’s penthouse apartment. His parents are not amused. The hippies are eating all of their food, breaking family heirlooms, and I won’t even tell you what they’re doing under the dining room table.

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This is unacceptable! Charles’s parents and other associated high society people look on with disgust, as I’m sure most Millennials would. Charles is a good lad. He calls the police, what the hippies refer to as “the fuzz.” The cops show up and the hippies disperse, but not before their leader, Johnny Alucard (Christopher Neame), taunts Charles’s mother by breaking one of her rare, Chinese, porcelain statues. If you were hoping the rest of the movie would be about Charles hunting down a replacement statue for his dear mum, I’m here to dash your hopes. This is a Dracula movie after all, or so the title says.

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One of these young hippies is none other than Jessica Van Helsing (Stephanie Beacham). How the great, great, great, great, great, granddaughter of Lawrence Van Helsing got caught up with this crew is beyond me? Especially, since Johnny Alucard wants to hold a “black mass” for their next party. I really don’t like this guy. He looks like he came right out of A Clockwork Orange. Jessica stops by her grandfather’s place because he’s an expert on the occult. His name is Lorrimer Van Helsing and is played by none other than Peter Cushing. He catches her reading a book on the black mass. Jessica tells him it’s just a “quiet bit of mind blowing.” He tells her the black mass is nothing to mess around with. Do you think she listens?

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So Jessica’s gang meets at an abandoned church that’s scheduled for demolition. Johnny Alucard calls out the names of several demons including that guy Astaroth. These damn hippies and their Satanism. They end up resurrecting Dracula!

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The count wants revenge on the Van Helsing family for turning him into dust one hundred years prior. Will Dracula succeed? You’ll have to watch the movie to find out. On major disappointment is that Dracula never bothers to leave the abandoned church at any point in the movie. It’s 1972. Doesn’t he like the nightlife? Doesn’t he like to boogie?

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Jeffrey Shuster 3

Jeffrey Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, and episode 131) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

The Curator of Schlock #126: Captain America II: Death Too Soon

29 Friday Apr 2016

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Comic Books, Film, The Curator of Schlock

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Captain America II: Death Too Soon, Christopher Lee

The Curator of Schlock #126 by Jeff Shuster

Captain America II: Death Too Soon

How did they get Christopher Lee to star in a TV movie?

So it’s just one more week until Captain America: Civil War, one more week until the Capsicle gets the taste slapped out of his mouth by the Invincible Iron Man.

Let’s talk about their teams. On Iron Man’s side we have the Black Widow, the Iron Patriot (he’s like Iron Man, but his suit is red, white, and blue), Vision (the red robot), and Batman…or is it Catman…The Black Panther? I don’t know who that is. Yeah, I don’t read comics. I’m not a nerd! Anyway, on Captain America’s side, we have Falcon (the guy with the robot wings), Hawkeye (the guy with the bow and arrow who helped the aliens invade Earth in the first Avengers movie), the Winter Soldier (the main villain of the second Captain America movie, a mass murderer), and Ant-Man (an avowed Communist!). So Captain America is siding with super villains? I guess whatever it takes to win, huh Cap!

Captain America 2

This week I’ll be reviewing the second Captain America movie from 1979, Captain America II: Death Too Soon. Reb Brown returns to the title role along with Len Birman as Dr. Simon Mills. What kind of name is Len? I don’t think I’ve ever heard that name before. It’s a German name meaning hardy lion, or lion-bold. Maybe it’s short for Leonard. I can’t help, but think the network brass was considering this one for a full season. After all, I think The Six Million Dollar Man started out as TV movies before going to series. Also, The Incredible Hulk and Wonder Woman were popular, so adding another superhero series to the lineup must have seemed like a good idea.

Maybe the 80s brought an end to this type of series. Maybe Captain America II: Death Too Soon brought an end to this type of series.

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Our movie begins with Steve Rogers painting a portrait of an elderly woman, obviously, in a park near Venice Beach. She informs him that a gang has been robbing the elderly pensioners in the neighborhood. They wait until each oldster cashes their check and then the hoodlums nab the loot. Well, Steve Rogers is having none of that and asks the old lady to cash her check right now. When one of the scuzzbuckets steals her purse, Captain America is in hot pursuit on his rad motorcycle. When he catches up to the thief, he pulls out his Wildey magnum and asks the scuzzbucket if he believes in Jesus before pulling the trigger.

Oh wait. That was Paul Kersey.

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Meanwhile, an evil count/revolutionary/general/international terrorist named Miguel (Christopher Lee) has kidnapped a scientist who has invented a chemical that will make people grow old really fast. Like you’ll age a week in and hour or something to that effect. Miguel sprays Portland with the stuff and won’t release the antidote unless the United States government pays the ransom. Miguel and Captain America duke it out at the end of the movie. Miguel spills some of the aging potion on himself and dies of old age in a matter of seconds, getting tons of wrinkles and gray hairs in the process. I guess that counted out Christopher Lee as a recurring villain.

The two pilots, alas, never went to series.

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Photo by Leslie Salas

Jeffrey Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, and episode 131) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

The Curator of Schlock #118: Rasputin, The Mad Monk

08 Friday Jan 2016

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Film, The Curator of Schlock

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Christopher Lee, Hammer, Rasputin, The Curator of Schlock, The Mad Monk

The Curator of Schlock #118 by Jeff Shuster

Rasputin, the Mad Monk

Women want him and men want to kill him.

I’m a bit of a DVD collector. Others might say hoarder, but so what if I end end up being crushed under mounds of plastic discs one day. I can think of worse ways to die. I’m no Coolduder, but I do have a large library. Unfortunately, as with any collection, you end up having gaps. For me it’s Hammer movies, those wonderful British gems of the 50s, 60s, and 70s. They’re probably most well known for their horror collection, those glorious Technicolor recreations of classic monsters such as Frankenstein, Dracula, and the Mummy.

The trouble with Hammer Horror movies is that they were distributed over here in the States by various movie studios such as Universal Studios, Columbia Pictures, and Warner Bros. This means if you want to get all of the Dracula movies or all of the Frankensteins, you have to rely on editions of varying quality from different studios. You just can’t get a box set like you can with James Bond movies. With the advent of Blu-Ray, I had hoped Hammer movies would be given a second chance on home video and we did get some excellent releases like Twins of Evil and Dracula: Prince of Darkness, but even Blu-Ray releases have been haphazard here in North America while Great Britain gets the full catalogue of Hammer titles.

Little did I know that Anchor Bay had released a full bevy of fancy Hammer Horror DVDs back in the late 90s and early 2000s. How did I miss these? Was I not paying attention? Titles such as Plague of the Zombies, The Mummy’s Shroud, and The Devil Rides Out were all given the special edition treatment. I was asleep at the wheel, which is surprising since I bought so many Anchor Bay DVDs back in the day like Nightmare City and Phenomena. A fellow curator loaned me his Anchor Bay edition of Hammer’s Rasputin: The Mad Monk, which brings us to tonight’s review.

Rasputin: The Mad Monk was directed by Don Sharp and starred Christopher Lee in the title role. The movie starts out with some Russian tavern owner who is worried his wife is going to die because she has a fever or something.

Rasputin shows up at the tavern wanting to guzzle down some wine so he drains the fever out of the guy’s wife, taking it into is hands so he can convince the tavern owner to throw a wild party. Yeah, Rasputin has magic powers or mutant powers or demonic powers-whatever! He gets drunk, tries to have his way with the tavern owner’s daughter, and slices off a man’s hand with a garden hoe.

I started out thinking Rasputin would be an anti-hero like Paul Kersey or John Kramer. You know, he saves lives, but is a womanizer and a glutton. The Catholic Church doesn’t approve of Rasputin, what with all the debauchery and chopping off of hands so he high tails it off to St. Petersberg. He figures he’ll use his mind controlling powers to influence the royal family.

He seduces one of the Tsarina’s ladies-in-waiting, but commands her to commit suicide once he tires of her. When her boyfriend seeks revenge, Rasputin knocks acid in his face. You know, Rasputin is kind of a mean guy. No wonder everyone wants to kill him.

I’d tell you to check out the movie, but it’s no longer available on DVD. Sucks to be you!

Five Suggestions for the Budding Hammer Collector

Hammer Film Collection – 5 Movie Pack: The Two Faces of Dr. Jekyll, Scream of Fear, The Gorgon, Stop Me Before I Kill, The Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb You can get this one for cheap. They’re all good, but The Gorgon is the highlight. This is a Sony release of the Columbia released Hammer films. The transfers are excellent.
The Hammer Horror Series (Brides of Dracula / Curse of the Werewolf / Phantom of the Opera / Paranoiac / Kiss of the Vampire / Nightmare / Night Creatures / Evil of Frankenstein) This is a collection of the Universal Studios released Hammer films. Be sure to buy the edition that was released in 2014 as those discs are single-sided. Double-sided DVDs are the pits.
Horror Classics, Volume One Collection Four Iconic Horror Classics from Hammer Films (THE MUMMY / FRANKENSTEIN MUST BE DESTROYED / DRACULA HAS RISEN FROM THE GRAVE / TASTE THE BLOOD OF DRACULA) This recently released Blu-Ray set comes from Warner Bros. Here’s hoping for a volume 2.
Any Hammer release from Synapse. These come in Blu-Ray/DVD combo packs. These come from Hammers 70s period and feature movies such as The Vampire Circus and Hands of the Ripper.
The Vampire Lovers from Scream Factory. Sadly, the only Hammer release from Scream Factory, but you can pick this Blu-Ray up for cheap. Feature length audio commentary with Ingrid Pitt. What more can you ask for?

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Photo by Leslie Salas

Jeffrey Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, and episode 131) is an MFA candidate at the University of Central Florida.

The Curator of Schlock #59: The House That Dripped Blood

03 Friday Oct 2014

Posted by thedrunkenodyssey in Film, Horror, The Curator of Schlock

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Christopher Lee, Denholm Elliot, Ingrid Pitt, Jon Pertwee, Peter Cushing, Robert Block

The Curator of Schlock #59 by Jeff Shuster

The House That Dripped Blood

(Don’t spend the night there. You might die!)

Hey, it’s that time of year again, time for your illustrious Curator of Schlock to transform into The Curator of Shock! Cue the lighting and wolf howling. This Halloween season we’ll be doing something a bit different. I’ve decided were going to cover some classic anthology horror movies. We’ll start with 1971’s The House That Dripped Blood from director Peter Duffell. The movie is based on four short stories by Robert Bloch, and stars Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, Ingrid Pitt, and Jon Pertwee. If you don’t know who any of those people are I’m going to cry.

Anyway, it would seem that Scotland Yard isn’t a fan of The House That Dripped Blood. One of the police inspectors is trying to get to the bottom of all the grisliness going through the past cases. That brings us to the first story, “Method for Murder.” I love that title. It makes me think of MURDER!!!

This tale revolves around a horror story writer named Charles Hillyer (Denholm Elliot). Hillyer is writing a new novel about a psychopathic madman maniac named Dominic. In fact, Hillyer has such a vivid imagination that he keeps seeing Dominic everywhere. This wouldn’t be so bad if Dominic didn’t look like the sort of guy who would strangle you to death just for the fun of it. Hillyer decides to go see a psychiatrist on account of the fact that no one else seems to see Dominic. Of course, Dominic shows up during the session and strangles the psychiatrist. I won’t spoil the twisted ending.

Story number two is called “Waxworks,” and it involves a wax museum. Wax museums are always bad news in these kinds of movies. Let’s just say there’s usually a reason why the wax statues are so lifelike.

Phillip Grayson (Peter Cushing) sees a wax statue of his first love holding a silver platter with some guy’s decapitated head on it. Grayson’s friend Neville comes to visit him. I guess they were rivals for the affections of the same woman whom the waxwork statue now clearly depicts. Neville insists they stop inside the wax museum for kicks, but Grayson’s gut tells him it’s a bad idea. Neville is mesmerized by the statue and can’t stop paying visits to the wax museum. When Grayson goes looking for him, he finds a new head on the silver platter. Can you guess whose head it is?

Story three is titled “Sweets to the Sweet” and involves a widower named John Reid (Christopher Lee) and his scary voodoo doll obsessed daughter.

He hired a private tutor (Nyree Dawn Porter) to look after her, but Reid’s little girl can’t seem to stop doing research on the dark arts whenever the adults leave her alone for two minutes. By the way, there’s a bit of false advertising on the poster for this film. It’s not Christopher Lee’s head that ends up on a platter, it’s Peter Cushing’s. Oh darn.

The last story, “The Cloak,” features Jon Pertwee playing a horror movie actor named Paul Henderson. I’m sure all you Doctor Who fans are excited. What? You don’t know who Jon Pertwee is? I’m going to cry now. Ingrid Pitt plays his costar in the latest horror production he’s working on, a vampire movie.

Unfortunately, Henderson hates the sets and the costumes for the film. He yearns for an authentic looking vampire cloak. He finds one in a scary costume shop in town that sells black mass candles and other assorted occult items. I can’t imagine stores like that and the wax museum are helping the town with tourism. Henderson dons the cloak and gets the mysterious urge to bite his costar. He also can’t see himself in the mirror whenever he wears it. I think that cloak may be a little too authentic. Oh, and it turns out Ingrid Pitt is a vampire.

If a vampire ever kills me, I want it to be her. There are worse ways to die.

Five Things I Learned From The House That Dripped Blood

The House That Dripped Blood should really be taken off the market.
Creepers who run wax museums should not be allowed to chops their patrons’ heads off with impunity.
Don’t throw your creepy English daughter’s dolly into the fireplace. It makes her yearn for revenge.
When you see coffins in a basement of a residence that’s rumored to house vampires, run!
Vampiric Ingrid Pitt is should be allowed to rule the world.

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