Tag Archives: Peter Cushing

The Curator of Schlock #317: The Uncanny

10 Friday Apr 2020

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The Curator of Schlock #317 by Jeff Shuster

The Uncanny

Peter Cushing and Ray Milland. Need I say more?

I’m still reeling from Night of 1,000 Cats. Did you know the Mexican cut of the movie is a full half hour longer than the American version? What did editors cut out? Did it show Hugo Stiglitz doing some really depraved things to those women he brought to his monastery? Maybe a childhood flashback shows him murder his parents and feed them to the family cat? A half hour is a lot of potential missing character development. I need to know what possesses a man to collect women’s’ heads.

I need closure.

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This week’s movie is 1977’s The Uncanny from director Denis Héroux. It is an anthology movie featuring three tales of terror and a framing story. This framing story involves a writer named Wilbur Gray (Peter Cushing) who has written a book on how cats rule the world. You see, cats are our masters and we’re their servants. They’ve just fooled us into seeing them as pets. An interested publisher named Frank Richards (Ray Milland) is intrigued by the book, but not completely sold on the idea. Wilbur then details three incidents involving felines his prove his point.

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Our first story centers around a young woman named Janet (Susan Pelhaligon) working as a maid in London in the year 1912. Her employer is old crone named Miss Malkin (Joan Greenwood) who loves her many cats, but despises her jet-setting nephew, Michael (Simon Williams). She adjusts her will, leaving her nephew with next to nothing while her vast fortune will go to the care of her cats. Janet is actually having an affair with her nephew and murders Miss Malkin while attempting to steal the revised will.

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I know murder is wrong and all, but am I supposed to feel sorry for some old bitty who hoards her cash away just to give it away to some lousy strays after she dies? At least her prodigal nephew would give that money back to the community. Let him waste his money at fancy restaurants and hotels. As long as he’s a good tipper, we can look the other way, am I right? At any rate, the cats know what’s up and want to keep the will intact. Janet and Michael suffer a gruesome fate and the fortune goes to the cats.

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The other two stories are in a similar vein. You’ve got one about an orphaned girl named Lucy (Katrina Holden Bronson) and her cat, Wellington. They move in with her Aunt and Uncle and their cruel daughter, Angela (Chloe Franks). Angela incessantly bullies Lucy even though she knows Lucy’s mother was a witch and that Lucy inherited lots of books on black magic. I wonder how this is going to turn out.

More importantly, Katrina Holden Bronson is the daughter of Charles Bronson and Jill Ireland!

The final story takes place in the Golden Age of Hollywood where an actor named Valentine (Donald Pleasence) murders his wife and convinces the studio to cast his mistress in his deceased wife’s part. And his deceased wife had a pet cat, so you know what’s coming.

So The Uncanny is kind of a low rent Tales From the Crypt, but I got to see Ray Milland chewing the scenery with Peter Cushing. That was worth my 90 minutes.

Let’s see—I seem to remember that Peter Cushing was in some other movie in 1977, but I can’t quite remember what it is.

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Photo by Leslie Salas

Jeff Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, episode 131, and episode 284) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

The Curator of Schlock #163: Dracula A.D. 1972

02 Friday Dec 2016

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The Curator of Schlock #163 by Jeff Shuster

Dracula A.D. 1972

Being a Curator of Schlock isn’t all sunshine and lollipops. Which is a shame because John King promised me sunshine and lollipops! Sometimes watching these flicks is a real burden. It’s like in that Batman Killing Superman movie that came out this year. Superman wasn’t having a good time rescuing people. Come to think of it, no one was having a good time in that movie save for the movie’s main villain, Mark Zuckerberg.  And I’ve never seen Batman so angry.

Speaking of bats, I’ve got another Dracula movie to discuss with you. This one is 1972s Dracula A.D. 1972 from director Alan Gibson. The movie starts out with Count Dracula (Christopher Lee) and Lawrence Van Helsing (Peter Cushing) fighting a duel to the death on an out of control horse and buggy. The carriage crashes, the two of them getting tossed off. I think Van Helsing manages to stab Dracula in the heart with one of the spokes from a broken wheel. Dracula turns to dust and Van Helsing dies from his injuries. 

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Fast forward to A.D. 1972, and we know it’s A.D. 1972 because of the huge jet airplane flying in the sky. Okay. I’m on board so far, but then the hippies show up. Yes, we in the audience are treated to the splendor of a swinging shindig, replete with hippies, folk singers, go-go dancers, and other counter culture nonsense. The whole affair is taking place at some rich kid named Charles’s penthouse apartment. His parents are not amused. The hippies are eating all of their food, breaking family heirlooms, and I won’t even tell you what they’re doing under the dining room table. 

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This is unacceptable! Charles’s parents and other associated high society people look on with disgust, as I’m sure most Millennials would. Charles is a good lad. He calls the police, what the hippies refer to as “the fuzz.” The cops show up and the hippies disperse, but not before their leader, Johnny Alucard (Christopher Neame), taunts Charles’s mother by breaking one of her rare, Chinese, porcelain statues. If you were hoping the rest of the movie would be about Charles hunting down a replacement statue for his dear mum, I’m here to dash your hopes. This is a Dracula movie after all, or so the title says. 

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One of these young hippies is none other than Jessica Van Helsing (Stephanie Beacham). How the great, great, great, great, great, granddaughter of Lawrence Van Helsing got caught up with this crew is beyond me? Especially, since Johnny Alucard wants to hold a “black mass” for their next party. I really don’t like this guy. He looks like he came right out of A Clockwork Orange. Jessica stops by her grandfather’s place because he’s an expert on the occult. His name is Lorrimer Van Helsing and is played by none other than Peter Cushing. He catches her reading a book on the black mass. Jessica tells him it’s just a “quiet bit of mind blowing.” He tells her the black mass is nothing to mess around with. Do you think she listens?

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So Jessica’s gang meets at an abandoned church that’s scheduled for demolition. Johnny Alucard calls out the names of several demons including that guy Astaroth. These damn hippies and their Satanism. They end up resurrecting Dracula!

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The count wants revenge on the Van Helsing family for turning him into dust one hundred years prior. Will Dracula succeed? You’ll have to watch the movie to find out. On major disappointment is that Dracula never bothers to leave the abandoned church at any point in the movie. It’s 1972. Doesn’t he like the nightlife? Doesn’t he like to boogie?

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Jeffrey Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, and episode 131) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

The Curator of Schlock #157: The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires

07 Friday Oct 2016

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The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires by Jeff Shuster

Shaw Brothers meets Hammer. Did someone lose a bet?

Hey, Halloweenies, it’s the time of year again, time for your Curator of Schlock to transform into the Curator of Shock! And I’ve got some scary movies this month. At the behest of his editor, John King, he will be reviewing Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park, but not this week. Anything involving Kiss deserves extra attention from your curator and with Hurricane Matthew barreling down on my fair city this weekend, your curator is a tad distracted.

In the meantime, let’s talk about a movie about kung fu vampires or something to that effect. Yes, the legendary Hammer Studios meets the legendary Shaw Brothers Studio in the legendary mash up, The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires.

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How many Hammer movies have I reviewed on this blog? I think there were that Satan movie with Nastassja Kinski and that Rasputin movie with Christopher Leethat Rasputin movie with Christopher Lee who also starred in that Satan movie with Nastassja Kinski. I haven’t reviewed any Shaw Brothers movies, so this will be a first for the Museum of Schlock.

Our movie starts out with some Chinese monk named Kah (Shen Chan) visiting Count Dracula’s castle in Transylvania. Kah is a worshiper of the 7 Golden Vampires, but they’re sleeping right now and he needs Count Dracula to bedazzle them with his vampire powers and wake them up. Count Dracula (John Forbes-Robertson) says he doesn’t grant the wishes of minions, but decided to steal Kah’s likeness and travel to China so he can command the 7 Golden Vampires to help him take over the country. I guess he kills Kah while taking over his visage? The movie isn’t clear. I don’t like it when movies aren’t clear.

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So Professor Lawrence Van Helsing (Peter Cushing)is visiting some Chinese University, giving a lecture on Vampires to an assembly of students and professors. Van Helsing believes that vampirism originated in China. Huh? That doesn’t make any sense. The students and professors chide him for presenting his superstitious European beliefs to an advanced country such as China. I feel kind of bad for Van Helsing in this scene. He comes off as way past his prime, his glory days of fighting Dracula a now distant memory. I can’t help but imagine him stealing the towels from the hotel he’s staying in.

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And then we have Van Helsing’s son, Leyland Van Helsing (Robin Stewert) who comes off as a bit of a twit. He meets a wealthy suffragette named Vanessa Buren (Julie Ege). She’s also a widow and the movie is unclear as to whether or not she’s murdered her husband because it isn’t mentioned in any way, shape, or form. At first I thought the movie was setting up a romance between Leyland and Vanessa, but they end up falling in love with other characters, namely one of the seven brothers and the one sister of the Hsi family.

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Yes, there are seven brothers and one sister that are all experts in deadly martial arts. Hsi Ching (David Chiang) is the eldest and leader of the group. Van Helsing convinces them to embark on an expedition to a long, lost Chinese village where the 7 Golden Vampires are supposed to reign. Along the way, Van Helsing discovers that vampires in China fear the image of Lord Buddha instead of Jesus Christ.

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Ummmm. I don’t understand how that works. If you’re a vampire living in China and were a Christian before you were turned, do you fear Lord Buddha or Jesus Christ? Van Helsing doesn’t bother to explain any further. Are the Chinese vampires a different undead species from the European ones?

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They look like they have crap smeared on their faces instead of clown makeup like Count Dracula does. I don’t like horror/kung fu movies that make me think! And I didn’t get to see Count Dracula use any kung fu in this movie!

He didn’t even do a crane dance!

Fail!

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Jeffrey Shuster (episode 47, episode 102, episode 124, and episode 131) is an MFA graduate from the University of Central Florida.

 

The Curator of Schlock #59: The House That Dripped Blood

03 Friday Oct 2014

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The Curator of Schlock #59 by Jeff Shuster

The House That Dripped Blood

(Don’t spend the night there. You might die!)

The House That Dripped Blood

Hey, it’s that time of year again, time for your illustrious Curator of Schlock to transform into The Curator of Shock! Cue the lighting and wolf howling. This Halloween season we’ll be doing something a bit different. I’ve decided were going to cover some classic anthology horror movies. We’ll start with 1971’s The House That Dripped Blood from director Peter Duffell. The movie is based on four short stories by Robert Bloch, and stars Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, Ingrid Pitt, and Jon Pertwee. If you don’t know who any of those people are I’m going to cry.

Anyway, it would seem that Scotland Yard isn’t a fan of The House That Dripped Blood. One of the police inspectors is trying to get to the bottom of all the grisliness going through the past cases. That brings us to the first story, “Method for Murder.” I love that title. It makes me think of MURDER!!!

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This tale revolves around a horror story writer named Charles Hillyer (Denholm Elliot). Hillyer is writing a new novel about a psychopathic madman maniac named Dominic. In fact, Hillyer has such a vivid imagination that he keeps seeing Dominic everywhere. This wouldn’t be so bad if Dominic didn’t look like the sort of guy who would strangle you to death just for the fun of it. Hillyer decides to go see a psychiatrist on account of the fact that no one else seems to see Dominic. Of course, Dominic shows up during the session and strangles the psychiatrist. I won’t spoil the twisted ending.

Story number two is called “Waxworks,” and it involves a wax museum. Wax museums are always bad news in these kinds of movies. Let’s just say there’s usually a reason why the wax statues are so lifelike.

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Phillip Grayson (Peter Cushing) sees a wax statue of his first love holding a silver platter with some guy’s decapitated head on it. Grayson’s friend Neville comes to visit him. I guess they were rivals for the affections of the same woman whom the waxwork statue now clearly depicts. Neville insists they stop inside the wax museum for kicks, but Grayson’s gut tells him it’s a bad idea. Neville is mesmerized by the statue and can’t stop paying visits to the wax museum. When Grayson goes looking for him, he finds a new head on the silver platter. Can you guess whose head it is?

Story three is titled “Sweets to the Sweet” and involves a widower named John Reid (Christopher Lee) and his scary voodoo doll obsessed daughter.

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He hired a private tutor (Nyree Dawn Porter) to look after her, but Reid’s little girl can’t seem to stop doing research on the dark arts whenever the adults leave her alone for two minutes. By the way, there’s a bit of false advertising on the poster for this film. It’s not Christopher Lee’s head that ends up on a platter, it’s Peter Cushing’s. Oh darn.

The last story, “The Cloak,” features Jon Pertwee playing a horror movie actor named Paul Henderson. I’m sure all you Doctor Who fans are excited. What? You don’t know who Jon Pertwee is? I’m going to cry now. Ingrid Pitt plays his costar in the latest horror production he’s working on, a vampire movie.

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Unfortunately, Henderson hates the sets and the costumes for the film. He yearns for an authentic looking vampire cloak.  He finds one in a scary costume shop in town that sells black mass candles and other assorted occult items. I can’t imagine stores like that and the wax museum are helping the town with tourism. Henderson dons the cloak and gets the mysterious urge to bite his costar. He also can’t see himself in the mirror whenever he wears it. I think that cloak may be a little too authentic. Oh, and it turns out Ingrid Pitt is a vampire.

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If a vampire ever kills me, I want it to be her. There are worse ways to die.

Five Things I Learned From The House That Dripped Blood

  1. The House That Dripped Blood should really be taken off the market.
  2. Creepers who run wax museums should not be allowed to chops their patrons’ heads off with impunity.
  3. Don’t throw your creepy English daughter’s dolly into the fireplace. It makes her yearn for revenge.
  4. When you see coffins in a basement of a residence that’s rumored to house vampires, run!
  5. Vampiric Ingrid Pitt is should be allowed to rule the world.
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Photo by Leslie Salas.

Jeffrey Shuster (episode 47, episode 102) is an MFA candidate and instructor at the University of Central Florida